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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

"If I could I would slap her"

136 replies

FrustratedFeminist · 16/05/2015 18:44

Title says it all really, comment said by a young guy to me (relayed by my sister).

For context, I made an ill-advised trip to visit my sister recently who's in her final year at a very academic uni. They start final exams late next week and everyone is naturally very stressed. I came over to deliver a food/treats parcel to her and then was going to head home straightaway (only 40 min train journey). Unfortunately she flipped when she saw me and got very angry that I was distracting her (can see how it came across that way but not my intention).

Anyway, to cut a long story short I went back to her room in college accommodation (walls paper thin) and we had a small argument about this. It was late at night (think 12-1) and she was a bit physically aggressive and I shouted at her and called her names. Unfortuantely, people heard me shout which I truly regret and someone knocked on her door to complain. Again I really regret this.

She has forgiven me, and I ended up moving to a hotel for the night. Unfortunately the male "friend" of hers who knocked on the door (also a finalist) told her this morning that he was very angry about the incident. He would have heard some shouting and me howling (awkward) which I am really sorry for. I did leave before 2 in the morn though so it would have been a few mins of disruption between say 1-2am. He told her that if he could meet me/see me now (i.e. Sat morning) he would slap me!

This is a pretty misogynistic insult no?? He had time to cool off about things this morn and to threaten physical violence (slapping) anyone is pretty disgusting. I find it intersting that his specific choice of dealing with the incident would be "slapping" too... Ironically, he is in his final year doing Law...

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Koalafications · 16/05/2015 18:59

Right, I'm still not following.

"I'm going to slap her" is a threat not an insult.

"She's a fat cow" is an insult not a threat.

Sounds like your DSis and this guy are under a lot of pressure.

Misogynistic? No, I don't think it was.

FrustratedFeminist · 16/05/2015 18:59

Fair enough fenella. I was out of order. I left to go to a hotel at about 1.30 after drama. We talk everyday (me and sister) and she had been asking me for a parcel of treats for a while. In my misguided brain I thought I bought all her fave things, nice ready meals and things that couldnt be posted and dropped them off with her. Didnt think it through, happy to be corrected

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FenellaFellorick · 16/05/2015 18:57

Not really.
I think he was passed of because you had a row in the middle of the night during a time they're all stressed out.
Not oh she's a woman I want to slap her.
If you were going to drop the parcel and go straight home why were you in her room arguing in the middle of the night and then went to a hotel?
Why didn't you just - go home! Like you say you planned.

I'd have been pissed off as hell with all the drama you describe.

I don't see any misogyn . I see someone pissed off with arises making a racket.
It's not nice to say you feel like slapping someone but in all probability it is just like when someone says I could throttle him/ I could shake her till her teeth rattle / he needs a boot up the backside, etc

FrustratedFeminist · 16/05/2015 18:56

Okay thanks everyone for responses, clearly I was out of order. Didnt mean to be and my intentions were good fwiw. But thanks for feedback :)

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EatShitDerek · 16/05/2015 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainbowFlutterby · 16/05/2015 18:55

I probably would have said the same thing as him! Sounds like you were out of order, nothing to do with misogyny.

FrustratedFeminist · 16/05/2015 18:54

Gamer, I arrived at about 9 due to train delays. This was not ideal but as it was a fri night I was hoping we could have a few mins of chat then I could leave her in peace. As I said I do not live far away so could have taken the last train home. Unofrtunately she took issue with things and I didn't end up leaving until a lot later than planned

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partialderivative · 16/05/2015 18:53

you sound awful!

I suppose I have forgotten what it's like to be about 21 or 22

FrustratedFeminist · 16/05/2015 18:53

Well I guess I just feel that if I were a man he would not threaten to slap me. Perhaps not misogynistic per se but still pretty focused on the "hysterical woman who needs a good slap to calm down" stereotype. What am I, an errant child who needs to be disciplined?! Just feel like it's not on!

I have been through finals too although at a less competitive uni and I know how difficult the time is. But I just feel he could have worded things slightly differently. I have apologised to my sister and all involved through her but given it was a badly-timed one-off and I have admitted wrongdoing, feel his insult is pretty off-putting...

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gamerchick · 16/05/2015 18:52

Why did you go over there so late?

Koalafications · 16/05/2015 18:49

I'm confused as to how it's a 'misogynistic insult'... Where does your gender come into it?