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Original poster

What shouldn't men say to women about gender issues?

38 replies

QuiteIrregular · 01/05/2015 15:57

I was wondering if people would mind giving me a quick insight into a question I've had conversations about with friends recently: what are the infuriating things men who think they "get" feminism say to women? Not the straight-out anti-feminist "women have no problems in the West" or "feminism is sexist against men", but the stuff that comes from thinking they understand, but haven't really?

I put a post on my blog about this, suggesting these as a starting list I'd heard female friends complain about:

"I find strong women really attractive"
"You’re not like other girls, they’re all so obsessed with makeup and appearance and what men want. You’re different."
"Real women have curves. Those models all look like teenage boys, ugh."
Feminism is so great, but it would appeal to more people if it focused more on real equality, not just on what women want. Then it would really take off globally."
"That might have sounded sexist, but actually I’m a feminist."

People have also suggested "Are you sure he meant it like that?", "Wow, how inappropriate! I would never do thing like that!" Are there similar or equivalent things from your experience?

OP posts:
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cadno · 22/05/2015 15:59

I realise now where my previous thoughts wrt to how men depersonalise women to sex objects

Hi BD77 - I was going to go back on the thread to read them - but they must be on other threads. could you direct me ? Ta.

BreakingDad77 · 22/05/2015 15:11

Because many men think we have equality already.

AradiaQueenWitch · 22/05/2015 14:46

NAMALT! Confused

"Why does it have to be called feminism? Why not just equality?"

BreakingDad77 · 21/05/2015 15:15

I realise now where my previous thoughts wrt to how men depersonalise women to sex objects by countering it with thinking along the lines that that is someones mother/sister/daughter etc but realise thats also falling into the same trap.

RupertsGirlGroom · 14/05/2015 13:43

Being told my anger at men\the patriarchy was just jealousy. So, fully aware that they have it good, but when this makes women angry they sneer and toss words like jealous and bitter about.

Yops · 13/05/2015 16:29

I think you are allowed to discuss ideas with a 10 year old relative, Keep Grin. She's hardly going to be able to articulate her career progression difficulties post-pregnancy is she! I talk to my teenage daughter about issues I see on here.

Keepithidden · 13/05/2015 15:06

Forgot to say, those with experience = women. Fortunately I think her Mum is far more erudite and has the benefit of living it.

Keepithidden · 13/05/2015 15:04

Oh dear, I've been guilty of so many of these in the past. The shame.

Maybe it would be better for a thread to about what we should say to women about gender issues?!

Actually scratch that, it's probably better to just listen. I tried to explain to my Niece (10 yrs) why I wouldn't call myself a Feminist. It all made perfect sense when reading about it on here and other websites, but when a man tries to explain to a woman/girl about Feminist thinking I just ended up thinking "I'm mansplaining RadFem ideas and theories to a woman through a man shaped lens". Gave up in the end and asked her to speak to someone with experience of what I was trying to explain.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 13/05/2015 14:39

"The 1 in 4 women is just a made up statistic though - I don't know anyone who's been raped"

Uh yeah, because they're just lining up to tell you about it, what with your fantastic sense of empathy.

Hakluyt · 11/05/2015 22:08

I just don't know what's expected of men nowadays........

You want equality- but you still expect men to pay....

I held a door open for woman yesterday and she was furious with me.......

Lio · 11/05/2015 16:05

"I think we basically think the same thing/are on the same side..." then go on to say something that shows we are actually poles apart.

Original poster
QuiteIrregular · 11/05/2015 15:55

Many thanks for all the comments - much appreciated, and (as ever on here!) thought-provoking.

OP posts:
slug · 02/05/2015 17:25

Oh dear, did you not get given enough homework to keep you occupied over the long weekend?

mipogaxx · 02/05/2015 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AskBasil · 02/05/2015 11:44

"I just see everyone equally and treat them all the same. I'm sorry you don't feel able to do that"

sourdrawers · 02/05/2015 11:24

Maybe I have callind But maybe what you want it to mean feels a bit mean and nasty to me. You can take any remark and create a context for it that confirms your cynicism can't you? Carry on though, clearly I'm lacking.....

SomebodysRealName · 01/05/2015 21:59

Oh I've got the wrong end of the stick haven't I; I don't know why because I read your blog piece this morning! I don't think I actually know any men who get it or even think they get it.

SomebodysRealName · 01/05/2015 21:51

But we've achieved equality now, haven't we?

uglyswan · 01/05/2015 19:48

"Yes, but let me play Devil's advocate for one moment here..."

Bluestocking · 01/05/2015 19:36

"Women are so much better at multitasking - we men can only do one thing at a time!"

AnyFucker · 01/05/2015 19:33

Hey sourdrawers, you know that only women get called names like that, yeah ?

along with nagging, uptight, frigid etc

cailindana · 01/05/2015 19:28

I think you're missing the point of the thread slightly sourdrawers.

cailindana · 01/05/2015 19:27

"None of my female friends have ever experienced that/felt that way" (implication: you are making it up and I know more about women's experiences that you do).
"I think feminism should be about...[something other than what women think it should be about]
"You're not looking at this rationally" (implication: I am so much more rational than you are because I am man, therefore I am able to say how things are and you're not).
"Yes but women do lie about rape, don't they..."
"I don't have any sexist attitudes, I never have."
"You can resist all those stereotypes though, unlike other women..."

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 01/05/2015 18:41

sourdrawers I'm sure men believe those things but OP is talking about men who say they are "on board" with feminism and so men who claim that to say those things is somewhat off the mark and

TheCowThatLaughs · 01/05/2015 18:40

"Hi, man here. Just popping onto the threas to give a male viewpoint"

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