Does being a feminist influence who you are friends with?

Feminism is many fun

PBP, at a guess...

Wow! Cross posted with the deletion message. MN towers are on top form today!

I somehow doubt mipogaxx has many, however. I have reported him for trolling on the basis of his comment on the humanitarian aid workers thread. Hopefully he won't be with us for long.

Welcome to FWR, mipogaxx. Yes, it is nice to have a choice of potential friends. I think that's true for most people, though.

Well it must do in the same way as being a lefty does, or a mother does, or geographical proximity does.

It affects which individuals I am friends with, but not what categories of people.

Takver
What you said!

I'm a feminist, lots of my friends are married mothers! Actually, lots of my friends are mothers, full stop. Possibly something to do with being a 45 year old woman, rather than anything else . . .

In a sense, I could say being a feminist doesn't affect my friendship choices, but I suspect the fact that I'm a hippy leftie extremely political anarchist feminist possibly influences the people I meet, and therefore my potential friendship group

The majority of my friends are feminists or allies. Or generally decent people who just don't know much about feminism but follow it in a roundabout way.

I think I probably put some people off when I don my Humourless Radical Feminist hat, as a lot of friends are definitely more 'choice' feminists. But over the past couple of years I think I've also brought a few over to the dark side too.

It's too late to read the thread properly. I'll come back because there are quite a few points I find interesting.

In answer to your title question: it influences who chooses to be friends with me more than vice versa, I think. I don't keep my opinions to myself (you noticed?!) therefore I piss a lot of people off, either because they don't like my views or don't like me standing up for them. Suits me.

I used to say I don't get on with 'girly' women but that was a clumsy statement. I'm not very interested in women - or men - whose enthusiasms are stereotyped by gender.

But why would married mothers see you as a scary man-hating feminist, unless you think they can't be a feminist?

It's just an odd correlation. Especially given that this site is Mumsnet - a site for mothers, many of whom are married, and many, many, many of whom identify as feminist.

Anyway! It obviously isn't what you meant, so all good. :)

As an aside, I've always identified as feminist as I said up thread, but it was actually becoming a wife and mother that really crystallized for me how unequal men's and women's lives actually are in reality, and I say that as someone married to a man who lifts his weight.

Despite being a feminist all my life the rather strange answer to this question is, no. Well, not as far as women are concerned. I can think of very few women whom I have actually disliked in my life, most I have been able to have at least a pleasant passing acquaintance with because, well, women are so absolutely fascinating and interesting, I think. On the married mothers thing, although I am not in that category anymore, the best friendships of my life were made at the time when I was a married mother and met others in a similar situation. Many of those women did not share my views politically but our shared experiences, at what can often be an isolating time of a woman's life, meant that they became and remain very important to me.

On the other hand, men who do not get feminism - I have been spectacularly brilliant at alienating at them, ah well, never mind.

Are you a married mother? If not, perhaps you're more likely to be friends with single women/mums because you have that in common?

Several of my friends are feminist married mothers!

I do find it increasingly hard to spend time with people who subscribe uncritically to a wide range of utterly unscientific gender stereotypes. Some of these people are women who would identify as (liberal) feminists so it's a bit tricky.

Never made any difference for me that I'm a feminist.
What makes a difference is that I'm quite outdoorsy,and not particularly interested in stuff that stereotypical 'girlies' like.So I tend to gravitate more towards women who are similar to myself.Which means that I'd define my small group of friends as feminists,even if they wouldn't self identify as such.
If that makes sense

I've always been a feminist. I'm a married mother.

I'm friends with... yes mostly women I must admit, but other than that, I don't have a 'type'.

For friends yes, it's too important an issue for it not to matter. For acquaintances and professional relationships, not so much but I will comment on casual or ingrained sexism even if I think it might cost me.

I noticed that for my group of friends, there was a distinct period of alienating themselves from feminism after university and that was probably the biggest time of conflict. Then most of them had children and it was horrible watching the arse fall out of their world. The only people they could voice their concerns to who genuinely understood were the more active feminist friends. Now, the married and the mothers largely feel that the common ground we have as women outweigh the other differences and life choices that we make. It's a cliché but I've found a solidarity amongst those women as we age that didn't exist when feminism was being denied. That sense of someone having your back and just getting it is very profound so no, I'd have friends who weren't feminists as long as their beliefs were based in feminism. Whether they call it feminism or otherwise is not important to me.

I've been a feminist since I was a young teen. As such I probably don't have any friends who are very sexist - as I wouldn't get on with them at all!

Some of my friends can be a bit sexist - and some probably consider me to be a bit unusual in some of my views - but we don't tend to talk about stuff like that too much - like politics and religion they are often subjects best avoided unless you want a row! I don't think many of my friends would hold fundamentally incompatible views though as like I say we'd be fundamentally incompatible as friends.

I am a married mother BTW

For sure when you go to feminist event type things there are less women who fit the married with kids standard than in general society so if that's where you are sourcing your friends since you became a feminist maybe that's why? Just a thought. On MN though there are loads of married with children posting on FWR as regs and being all feministy.

I have been a feminist for a very long time. For me, feminism is the center of my world view and the very core of who I am and my sense of self. I would not get far enough in a relationship with someone who was anti-feminist or who thinks that "we don't need feminism anymore." My closest friends are feminists; some are married with children (like me); others are not.

No idea tbh.
I've considered myself a feminist from the first time I heard the word.

My close friends I've known since school. I certainly didn't choose them based on femisim though, more on the basis of 'hey we're in the same english set, and live near each other...cool lets walk home together and talk about emo bands!'

We're all still mates over a decade later and have grown into a fairly mixed bunch - a few are married/engaged, a few are pregnant/have children, a few have impressive careers...

Some of us are more vocally feminist than others, but we are all very supportive of each other.

I was brought up a feminist and have always been one. It's an integral part of who I am. I've not found a disconnect between being a married mother and a feminist.
But obviously 'who you are' affects who you choose as friends.

A pretty big chunk of FWR posters are married mothers!

There are a few people I interact with less, block on FB etc as they are sexist. Otherwise, not really affected them.