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Original poster

How can we help teen girls?

67 replies

almondcakes · 28/04/2015 12:21

This is in a way a thread about three threads.

It has been in the news that there has been a rise in the risk of girls developing mental health problems, and only girls, which there has been a thread about.

There has also been a news story about how young people's mental health services are struggling to cope, and how youth services are usually about helping kids with anti social behaviour and exclusion rather than picking up on kids with emotional issues more generally. I'm pretty sure people will be familar with the school version of this where research shows teachers spend more of their time on boys than girls, often due to managing behaviour.

Yesterday there was a thread about girls posting on social media about self harm and coming out, which many posters considered to be attention seeking. I find this very worrying, as having worked with young people who self harm, it rarely is attention seeking, and it is not classed alone as a mental health issue. So it is quite ordinary for it to be an issue with which someone needs support, without requiring them to have a mental health diagnosis for it to be taken seriously.

Today there is a thread about if all teen girls are dramatic. While I appreciate mothers should not have to deal with this alone, if girls are seen as too dramatic towards their mothers, too attention seeking on social media, and second place to boys for attention in schools and the youth service, what are they supposed to do? Where do they get support with their own mental health or being in a peer group and supporting female peers who increasingly frequently have mental health or other issues?

What can we do as parents or as a society? Is this covered by an MN campaign and, if not, should it be?

OP posts:
INickedAName · 28/04/2015 23:54

I think a campaign sounds like a good idea. I don't have any useful ideas, just wanted to add my support.

Peppermilk · 28/04/2015 21:58

Hi Almond, I saw you on the third thread you mentioned....thanks for backing me up, by the way!! I appreciated that so much, especially as so many posters then accused ME of being dramatic when I just pointed out how I hated to see girls insulted en masse without any real exploration of their lives, circumstances, individuality etc.

Girls are being massively let down.

BuffyBreaks · 28/04/2015 15:33

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didyouwritethe · 28/04/2015 15:29

Teens "get" it on the level of "advertisers want you to hate one another, so don't".

didyouwritethe · 28/04/2015 15:27

Supporting one another is in itself a revolt against patriarchy, which young girls can easily grasp as a concept.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 28/04/2015 15:21

YY, agree with that so much, hap.

HapShawl · 28/04/2015 15:18

i'm having a bit of a lightbulb moment here re performance of emotional maturity vs. actual emotional maturity

i agree about fostering supportive environments for girls, where they can trust that they will be heard. also about equipping them with understanding about the political/economic/social environment they live in (which in effect likely means "giving them a feminist education" i think, to arm them against living in a patriarchal environment). i know from reading posts on MN and comments from other women, there are a lot who say that when they were teens the bullying and belittling behaviour they experienced was from other girls, and they are reluctant to engage in all-female groups as a result. and that is something that could be valuable to engage with with girls, exploring that dynamic rather than dismissing it as "girls can be so cruel" or "mean girls" labelling iyswim. i had this problem (though i was bullied by boys too), but i now find that i crave the company of other women.

Jackieharris · 28/04/2015 15:00

Other than homeschooling and banning screens I don't know what else would be very effective!

JeanneDeMontbaston · 28/04/2015 14:57

Yes, exactly buffy. It would be very good to have that network reaching out to people earlier on.

I agree about the competition issue, too. Or there is the perception that it is admitting to a weakness if you admit to needing gendered support.

I think a lot of us had that experience of feeling insulted that anyone should think we might not succeed as well as boys, because after all, feminism is over and we don't need it any more (a message reinforced by the stuff about 'feminization' of education, which is rooted in an important point about boys doing less well academically, but which doesn't think about other issues).

Original poster
almondcakes · 28/04/2015 14:46

Yes, and I'm not aware of anything that is out there specifically for that age group.

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BuffyBreaks · 28/04/2015 14:45

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BuffyBreaks · 28/04/2015 14:43

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JeanneDeMontbaston · 28/04/2015 14:36

Hi, late to the party, but I'm very much on board about 'doing something'.

This is a big issue in academia (or my bit anyway) at the moment, and one of the things we are worrying about is how much has already happened, before university, that makes teenage girls feel they have to act in ways that actually disadvantage them educationally (and, I'm pretty convinced, emotionally/mentally).

I don't have children, so don't know that side of it, but I am really worried about it. I agree with sanity that teenage girls are constantly expected to be 'more mature' and often told how education has become 'feminized' (implying they should not be struggling), how boys have it hard, etc. etc.

I agree the central thing is listening to girls - and getting them a place to be heard.

I've posted about this before, but there is the 'take up space' campaign (fifty percent project), which is looking at encouraging women to take up the space they should.

I think teenagers must need this at least as much.

Are there mentor schemes anyone knows about, that might help? I keep noticing how much adult women depend on each other - I get so much support from other women and it's extremely powerful.

Original poster
almondcakes · 28/04/2015 14:35

I can't really articulate what I mean. I'm not really thinking of PSE. I am thinking more along the lines of something like the 42nd Street Project (which actually isn't just for girls) where there are lots of individual support opportunities and not just for those who have a mental health diagnosis. And they also a 13-25 women's group, LGBT support, other group activities in a space for young people, and they go into schools.

I mean something of that approach in schools and communities, rather than the kind of weird, cool machismo approach that the youth service seems to adopt.

But I also mean a campaign like we believe you, about valuing teenage girls and listening to them in general in society.

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didyouwritethe · 28/04/2015 14:27

The thing is that every single one of them get hit with PSHE, whether they like it or not. And the boys too. PSHE certainly should be about listening to girls, but I bet it's not always done in the best way.

BuffyBreaks · 28/04/2015 14:24

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Original poster
almondcakes · 28/04/2015 14:21

Yes, I think that is central - about listening to girls.

I think it goes beyond PSE which is more educational, and more about giving girls space to speak and be heard, which is both about an attitude and about facilities.

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BuffyBreaks · 28/04/2015 14:14

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BuffyBreaks · 28/04/2015 14:13

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didyouwritethe · 28/04/2015 14:11

Almond, what you may be talking about is a campaign for better PSHE in schools. Although that wouldn't cover what I said.

didyouwritethe · 28/04/2015 14:08

Educating girls to understand the economic and political context in which they live is also key.

SanityClause · 28/04/2015 14:07

Another thing.

I was driving with DD2 (14) in the car the other day, and that Kid Rock(?) Sweet Home Alabama song came on, and I had to switch it off. She asked why, and it's because of the lyrics which refer to him being 17, "somewhere between a boy and man". His girlfriend, of the same age, is described as "nothing in between", implying she was all woman, and in no part a girl. Why does he get the benefit of being not quite grown up, but she does not?

didyouwritethe · 28/04/2015 14:06

My dds and their friends find it helpful to talk openly about feminism at school and socially, and to challenge sexism where they see it - being supportive of one another in doing so, obviously.

Original poster
almondcakes · 28/04/2015 14:05

I would like it to be an MN campaign. I am not familiar with how we go about asking them or what it entails.

I would like there to be some particular charities we could support, perhaps ones that goes into school and offers advice, or one advocating for more resources for girls.

I'd like there to be something similar to 'this is my child' but for mental health and other issues that have an impact on teenage girls, so that people can be aware that the self harming girl, or girl with anxiety is potentially someone on here's child or that was the girlhood of someone on here.

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HapShawl · 28/04/2015 14:00

"What particularly irks me about the whole being focused on appearance thing, is the role of gendered assumptions about women being valuable primarily for appearance seem very underplayed. Like women and girls are so silly and frivolous for caring about it, when it's all that society seems to want from us anyway."

yes exactly this. it's another of those gaslighty things - you will be judged on your appearance but if you care about that then you're silly and easily influenced