teenage girls under massive pressure to do anal :(

I don't think I'll ever understand why you would get pleasure from your partner doing something they don't want to do. I literally cannot fathom how I would enjoy a sex act knowing full well DP wasn't enjoying himself too.

My DP loves every inch of my insides. That's the bit that matters to me. I don't really care whether he loves the little toe on my left foot.

Back to the main point - this is ANOTHER reason we need proper sex education in schools. Most sex ed is (as far as I can tell) about scare tactics - you might get pregnant / STIs, or is about relationships in general. But it doesn't really discuss healthy sexual relationships (possibly due to daily mail headlines about schools encouraging teens to have sex?!)

(Multiple phone typos, there!)

Higgle, I don't agree at all. A person has the agency of their own body and chooses what to do with it. With me and my dh, for example, the feelings of love and acceptance that we have come from the fact that the sexual things we like to do, we do only with each other.

I'm very fond of penises, but the only one I choose to touch belongs to my husband. However, I don't want to, let's say, lick inside his nostrils, even though they're his. I know be explained that badly (!) but what I'm trying to show is that it works the other way round - exclusive acceptance but it necessarily total acceptance.

I heard this being discussed on Radio 4, probably months ago now. The researchers they had on had come to an even more depressing conclusion.

They said they had surveyed teenage boys and girls. The boys results were that they didn't actually think that girls did like it,nor did the boys tthemselves particularly enjoy the act either, but there was a lot of street cred in making a girl give in and do it. They were asked if they had ever successfully persuaded a girl to do something she didn't want to do and a high percentage said yes However, these same boys answered "No" to the question on whether they had ever raped or sexually abused someone. So there seemed to be a disconnect or misunderstanding of what rape and sexual abuse was.

There is a wonderful feeling that comes from knowing your partner loves every inch of you and would happily suck your toes and anything else to give you pleasure. The implication of a lack of desire to do any particular thing is that you find that part of the other persons body unpalatable.

Anal sex is not what the body is designed for, often people that practice this will end up with incontanance of faeces problems later on in life, there is a risk also of a rectal prolapse. The prostate gland can be stimulated at other points on the mans anatomy, not just inside.

If you feel rejected as a person because your partner doesn't want to do a particular sex act, then you need to resolve your own issues. Because they are your issues.

Oops, meant to quote the first paragraph, sorry.

No one should be pressured into doing anything they are not comfortable with but sadly refusal of oral sex does make men and women feel rejected as a person.

I can only speak for myself, but if I said to dh I didn't want to give him a bj, he wouldn't see it as me rejecting him as a person, it would be me saying no to something I don't want to do. Same the other way round.

If most people do feel rejected if their partner doesn't want to perform oral on them, then I think it demonstrates why education is needed and place more attention on people being free to not want to do certain things, as performing oral when you don't want to, to make the other person feel better about themselves sounds a bit like coercion, or pressure, which then comes back to what the article points out.

The OP's link:

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11554595/Pornography-has-changed-the-landscape-of-adolescence-beyond-all-recognition.html?placement=CB3

It is indeed a distressing read.

Glad you are recovering from being raped, OP.

Agree SpringIsOnTheWay. When teenagers think "everyone is doing it", teenage girls will continue to feel that they should have anal sex, or at least try it.

It (should) all be about sexual compatibility, enthusiastic consent, open honest communication and feeling comfortable with one another. Not social pressure, obligation, manipulation, coercion etc

I guess that's why the 'relationships' part of SRE is so important

Definition of "normal" from the Oxford dictionary:

^Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected:
it’s quite normal for puppies to bolt their food,
normal working hours^

I think letting teenagers know that anal sex is not typical or expected is a good way to empower them to say no when they are under pressure. Leaving them with only: I don't want to to try it; that's just me. is pretty feeble.

Consenting adults who enjoy anal sex are not freaks or perverts, but anal sex is not your typical everyday sex.

"refusal of oral sex does make men and women feel rejected as a person." Eh? Where do you get that from?

*flack

I think that only a small number of women enjoy it is partly due to the fact that maybe only a small number of men are prepared to learn how to do it properly - the woman must be controlling everything at her own pace. I would hope the practice won't be demonised as it can provide the most exquisite pleasure. No one should be pressured into doing anything they are not comfortable with but sadly refusal of oral sex does make men and women feel rejected as a person.

There's a really fucked up dynamic going on whereby being a good liberal person that is happy for others to do what makes them happy means you have to do everything too.

DH is 27 and when we were at Uni he got flax (from some wankbadgers) for not being interested in anal. A bloke not wanting to try it was seen as a repressed homophobe not wanting to admit they were secretly gay. there was pressure on women but more from the 'you can't say you don't like something if you haven't tried it' angle.

I do think there needs to be masses more work on the enthusiastic consent lines because I can't see any other way to change things from 'what you both want to do' from 'what you think you are supposed to do'

Kids need more education, they need to know that NO sex act is compulsory (steak and bj day anyone?) and to know that it's ok to say no. I have no problems with anal/oral/any sex act between consenting adults, only this feeling that it's what is expected.

In terms of anal sex being or not being normal, many gay men never have anal sex, Stephen Fry is one.
Also men have a prostrate gland which gets stimulated by anal sex and makes it more pleasurable. Women do not.
There is a reason anal sex used be uncommon. Because only a small number of women actually enjoy it.

It's awful. Our poor dcs!

TBH the idea anything at all to with sex is compulsory is so utterly wrong I just can't deal with it. Where does this come from? I remember a friend of mine being horrified I don't give bjs to my DH and made out that he would dump me because I wasn't giving him something he was "due" as a man. When I asked her why he would want to do something I wasn't comfortable with she didn't seem to understand the question, it seemed like she believed there was a range of skills a woman must display for a man or she'll get fired as a sex object or something. That is something that definitely needs to change.

You're right OneDay I think my post came across like that too with the whole ewww...anal thing.

oh right oneday I see what you mean,. not what I meant at all! Bad choice of words.