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Original poster

Not taking his name- elderly relative - help!

65 replies

happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 12:07

DH and I married last year, and agreed we would each keep our own names. Family (on both sides) all think I am being weird, but after first comments were met with a steely glare they have shut up.

However, DH has an older, very traditional, very wealthy relative, who likes to give him money on an ad hoc basis. She gives to all the younger family members, and I think that it genuinely gives her great pleasure to be able to do that, so whether we should accept the money is not an issue. However, since the wedding she wants to include me in the gift, and so gives us cheques made out to "Mr and Mrs DHName". Since I am not MrsDHName, I am MsHappyGirl, the bank won't take the cheques. We have previously asked her to rewrite them, but she is in her late 80s and generally becoming a bit confused, and this makes her very distressed and flustered. We have tried asking her to put any future cheques (if there are any, obv totally at her discretion) into DH's name only, but she forgets. I feel like a total bitch, making an old lady who is trying to be generous suffer just because of my principles.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 07/04/2015 14:01

My children were left 3? share in a will. I had two children and was pregnant with the third and great grandad wanted to leave the children the same. Baby DS was born and I took the single cheque into the bank, paid to me. The counter clerk divided it by three and paid the same amounts into each child's account. If they can do that (payable to me, only two children named) why can they not accept a cheque when it is clear who it is meant for?

specialsubject · 07/04/2015 14:01

I had this with a recent gift; the relatives still write to me as Mrs X when I am and always have been Ms Y. Did manage to get the cheque paid into Barclays where I have a joint account with Mr X, showing the 20-plus year old certificate to prove I am married to him. Counter clerk said it was strictly illegal as cheque says 'payee only' but did it just this once. Really didn't want to get back to gift giver and ask for new cheque as that does seem rude.

simplest solution is to open a joint account with your husband who does have the right name, and get him to pay it in. This doesn't upset generous relative and means you don't have the aggro of name changing.

TBH the problem will go away...

financialwizard · 07/04/2015 14:01

I work in a bank, none of the above though, and we would not be able to accept a cheque into an account with a different name showing even with a marriage certificate.

One particular high street bank would not have allowed that nearly 10 years ago unless you had been married less than 6 months and as far as I am aware that is standard policy so I don't know how some of you have got away with it honestly.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 07/04/2015 13:58

I would be VERY suprised if they allowed a joint name cheque to be paid in to a single account - rife for fraud!

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 07/04/2015 13:57

Open an account somewhere else in both names and use for cheques like this - even if its just a savings account.

just much easier

Original poster
happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 13:55

They also say it may have been different a few years ago, but fraud rules are tighter now. Sigh.

OP posts:
Original poster
happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 13:54

Just went into branch- they said that under current fraud rules, no bank should offer to pay in cheques in married name with a marriage cert if account is in maiden name, no bank should allow joint cheque into sole acc, and no bank should allow "also known as" on the account. Also I cannot have a separate acc with them in a different name. So my only options with Halifax (and they say with everyone else) are to change my name completely or to get a new cheque.

OP posts:
88blueshoes · 07/04/2015 12:59

I would change banks, it should be fine with a marriage certificate. I had this issue after we first got married and I hadn't got round to changing my name, I have accounts with more than one bank and didn't have a problem at all.

CornChips · 07/04/2015 12:53

I have no idea! TBH I have never give it any thought!

I use both names interchangeably according to whim though.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 07/04/2015 12:52

We only have separate accounts and I have never been able to persuade Lloyds to accept cheques made out to Mrs Firstname DHsurname into my account which is in the name of Miss Firstname ownsurname. It hasn't happened for ages though.

Original poster
happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 12:50

CornChips that's brilliant- presumably an oversight by the bank?!

OP posts:
CornChips · 07/04/2015 12:47

Okay.... I was not being clear. I have a single LLyds joint bank account where the bank statements come to me stating our married names, but the chequebooks for the same account come in my maiden name. If that makes sense. I have one joint account. The names seem to vary.

So Statements come as Mr and Mrs Twaddlehead
Chequebooks come in as Mr Twaddlehead and Miss CornChips

For the same account.

I am getting confused myself now!

marshmallowpies · 07/04/2015 12:46

We have a joint account in his name & mine (different names) at Barclays and they've accepted cheques written to Mr & Mrs DH. I would change your bank account!

CornChips · 07/04/2015 12:41

I am with Lloyds and HSBC and they are fine.... in fact we have joint accounts in my maiden name and my married name, and I pay cheques in and out of both with no issues at all. In the early days(7 years ago) I did have an issue with lloyds and took my marriage cert in, but that was fine. I would push it, an argue it.

OnlyLovers · 07/04/2015 12:41

I agree with others: change banks and complain about that twattish staff member.

Original poster
happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 12:40

Ok, so it seems like it depends a bit on bank policy, and a bit on how the particular staff member feels?!

TwoTerrors, I don't have any elderly relatives either, only DH does Grin It's quite Dickensian!

Thanks Yonic I'll check out that thread now

OP posts:
Original poster
happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 12:37

Just had a quick google, Guardian article from 2010 says that payee on cheque must match name on account, but Barclays, HSBC and Lloyds will credit cheques paid to maiden name if marriage cert is provided (so presume would apply the other way around).
I should complain about the employee, but didn't get name or anything. Tbh I was disproportionately upset by her and just wanted to get out! When I go back I'll try to find out who she is.

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 07/04/2015 12:35

Oh, sorry, I have never personally tried with the cheque thing. I did go back to elderly relative to get it corrected though!

tenderbuttons · 07/04/2015 12:34

I'm in exactly the same situation. We bank with Smile, and so pay our cheques in via envelopes that are paid in at the Post Office. While I am sure that there are lots of checks on how this is done Grin I have never had one refused...

But yes, I would complain about that member of staff.

YonicScrewdriver · 07/04/2015 12:34

Here is an old thread on this. It looks like the banks shouldn't accept a cheque in two names into a single name account:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1716470-Paying-a-cheque-made-payable-to-Mr-and-Mrs-DH

(Wonder how many of them check if you put it into the deposit postbox...)

TwoLittleTerrors · 07/04/2015 12:33

I mean in your case. I don't have any accounts in my married name because I don't have rich elderly relatives Grin

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 07/04/2015 12:32

Complain about the woman - she's basically accused you of fraud. What she's said is bollocks - Barclays accepted cheques addressed to Mr and Mrs DH with a marriage cert.

TwoLittleTerrors · 07/04/2015 12:32

I like the idea of a joint account in a different bank in your married name.

I kept my birth name so I understand. I would be furious if the bank staff told me its ridiculous to keep my name. I love my name. I have used it for over 30 years before I got married. It's me!

Original poster
happygirl87 · 07/04/2015 12:30

Thanks all- he hasn't tried paying into sole account, but will give that a go, we assumed if joint acc plus marriage cert didn't work then sole acc definitely wouldn't. Otherwise finding a new bank and opening an acc in married name might be least hassle.
Anyone whose bank accepts marriage cert, OR who can pay joint cheques into sole name, if you wouldn't midn telling me which bank I'd be grateful!

OP posts:
Nolim · 07/04/2015 12:29

Definitely complain about that employee.