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Original poster

Feminism and Motherhood????

31 replies

littlegizmo · 30/03/2015 23:49

Firstly, I've never posted on a forum like this, let alone one about feminism so please don't jump on me :) but...
I've always considered myself to be a feminist however since having children and actively deciding to work part time (yes I am fully aware of the fact that I am very lucky to have this as an option), I wonder am I being hypocritical??
I could have progressed my career but the hours would have been ridiculous, my husbands are too. My options would have been neither of us seeing our children or my husband scaling back his career. Ultimately the thought of anyone else (even my husband) being the primary carer for my children appealed far less than the thought of scaling back my career.
So as the feminist move seems to be taking up speed (thank god), I find myself more and more restling with how I can have this view and be a feminist. Is this not wanting to have my cake ....?

OP posts:
captainproton · 31/03/2015 03:54

I am a sahm too. I gave up work because my health was hindering my career and not my kids. Best thing I did, now I can't see myself going back to a full on city job. My ex colleagues keep asking if I've got a new job yet.

There's feminism and there's working yourself into an early grave. I'm going to explain this to my children, work damn hard and save your money before you have children so you can enjoy them when they are young.

As one wise old colleague told me when I was worrying about leaving on my last day, "no one gets to the pearly gates and wishes they spent more time in the office."

FeijoaSundae · 31/03/2015 03:40

Heartbeats over spreadsheets is lovely, but it does read as if WOHMs are therefore prioritizing it the other way around.

gingerfluffball · 31/03/2015 01:39

ASAS I like that: heartbeats over spreadsheets. I'm in a similar position OP. Feminism to me is about having a choice instead of being told what I should do.

FeijoaSundae · 31/03/2015 01:32

I do all sorts of things that would have some question my feminist credentials - I wear make up, shave my legs, wear high heels. Hell, I even took my husband's name after marriage.

However, I am a feminist. I would not accept anyone telling me I'm not. The world needs more women who identify as feminist, and I doubt there are many 'perfect' feminists out there. It is virtually impossible to be, when operating, as an autonomous individual, within the confines of the patriarchy.

Feminism is about choice, and although I have made choices which are undoubtedly unfeminist - even anti-feminist - I am still a feminist. I have, and do, wrestle with my choices. I question myself, and ask myself why I am doing certain things, and often I am not particularly happy with the answers I come up with.

But I don't think it's a case of handing back your feminist badge, and donning your pinny instead, if you realise you have 'failed' on a certain count. You still get to be a feminist.

Apologies for the number of time I have used the word 'feminist', or variation of, in this post. Shock

ASAS · 31/03/2015 00:13

Agree, we've been told for so long that what we do as mothers is of such little value that we're scared to recognise it as work. Well, welcome to mumsnet, here we're all working in the home and we're bloody good at it. Of course there's the frequent SAHM v WM thread but that's the point I'm making about how we're undervalued as mothers. Embrace the choice you made, heartbeats over spreadsheets.

Jackieharris · 31/03/2015 00:06

Plenty of feminists are sahms or work pt.

A lot of feminism is about recognising how our so called 'choices' eg about work, are actually dictated by patriarchal ideas about gender that feminists are fighting against.