When I talk about DV against women to some men.....

thats just it, the man i know who was a DV victim, i could write his story out and it would have red flags, typical pattern abuse all over it.

The fact that in a moment of weakness, after years of systematic bullying and emotional abuse, he engaged in a short term online emotional affair has allowed his ex-wife to pass herself off as the victim, the wronged woman who was cheated on.

Its the same for many men, only you replace the cheated on with their wife/spouse being pushed into physical retaliation, and the man can suddenly say they are the victim.

People seem to forget, the abusers are master manipulators, its always about making them appear squeaky clean and innocent.

Buffy I've seen that happen in real life. As soon as the woman retaliated the man called the police. She has needed hospital treatment in the past. He is fine. She is now in counselling to work on her issues to stop her being a "DV perpetrator" while he is seen as wonderful for helping her despite her issues (which he helped cause). She doesn't even have her own phone anymore & she works with him. He has destroyed her and owns her.

Doesn't this then link back to what the OP said? A man spending time, energy & anger to prove a woman wrong but not to use all that in support of male victims. It's so common. That's why some feminists get arsey about men asking what about men. They aren't being arsey about male victims themselves.

I'd go one step further and say that, when I have provided links/phone numbers to men's support groups who have done a "what about men" thing when we're talking about DV, they have been ignored or I've been told they must be crap because they aren't famous like the women's ones. Who's fault is it that the various support groups for men are not well known? Because I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and suggest that it's not feminists who are stopping anyone from spreading the word. In fact, this feminist has told several people about them.

Same here.

It's as though just identifying that there is a need for women to have this support pisses off a certain type of man.

I have never seen a male victim of female (or male) violence or sexual assault be mocked on Mumsnet. If you have, and it's a live thread, I'd be happy to go and condemn such mockery.

On the contrary, I have seen women berated for assaulting, one way or another, their male partners. Not excused, even.

"I have not once, not ever, had such a man provide any details of a campaign he is actively supporting. Or even one he knows enough about to link to their website or petition or whatever. Not one."

Yup, same here.

Lego, you've referred to my quote at least twice as evidence of something I did not say. To refresh your memory, here it is:

I'm afraid, these days, I laugh in the face of "what about" men who cry 'Where are our refuges, eh?' I suggest they should be asking other men that question.

This is not laughing in the face of men who've suffered DV. It's laughing in the face of men who think it's women's responsibility to look after suffering men. And who won't adopt any such responsibility themselves.

I have never seen a male victim of female (or male) violence or sexual assault be mocked on Mumsnet. If you have, and it's a live thread, I'd be happy to go and condemn such mockery.

How can you tell the people making comments on the article were feminists? actually the comments made on that article were mostly by other men going by there user names.

I've had previous discussions on this subect with feminists and they have made mocking comments about male victims, there are some on this thread as well playing down the seriousness or legitimacy of male victims. or accusing men of being thick or crying or laughing in their facewhen they ask about support for men, i find that a bit distasteful

i was under the impression that both men and women were feminists and campaigned for gender equality!

Me, too :) So why the big problem with feminism being unfair to men?

I'm confused, you appear to be mixing up feminists stating that men as a class perpetrate domestic violence in far greater numbers than women with unspecified people mocking male victims of domestic violence online.

well, from what I originally thought going back a couple of years, i was under the impression that both men and women were feminists and campaigned for gender equality!

I think some feminists discriminate against male victims of dv when they mock them.

How can you tell the people making comments on the article were feminists?

... but I don't see many men's movements trying to break down rigid gender requirements. Why might that be?

really way too many things to respond to, but no i don't think resources should be taken from women to help with dv, I just think there could be more awareness and recognition of male dv and societal attitudes made it more acceptable for victims of dv to speak out that would be beneficial for all, gender stereotypes work adversely for both genders.

I agree we live in a patriarchal society, but i think capitalism is an issue about more than gender alone i was just pointing that out.

Not sure on the video, even if faked it is a real issue.
I think some feminists discriminate against male victims of dv when they mock them. if the genders were reversed we would be outraged at men speaking of female victims that way.

Yes. Feminism would like to get rid of all social obligations to 'perform gender'. Men should not be ridiculed for not being macho enough, any more than women should be assaulted for not being the right kind of feminine.

Do you think DV shelters should be mixed sex? No, I've been referred to a shelter before it is a local women and child shelter and is invaluable in the support it offers. organisations such as women's aid should obviously offer female only shelters.

And do you think female on male violence is taken less seriously because of societal perceptions of masculinity and femininity?
Yes definitely, one recent example i can think of was in the national news, an article about a man who had suffered horrendous burns over his head and face when his partner poured a jug of boiling water over him, had comments on the article mocking him because he was large and muscular, and making jokes. It's an issue when men are victims of violence but are afraid to be take seriously because they're "failing" in the perceptions of masculinity.