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Original poster

Married names

77 replies

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 12/03/2015 16:43

DP & I were talking about marriage last night and the theme of married names came up.

I said we were fortunate because our last names go well together and he said he didn't like double barrelled names because he thinks they're pretentious and besides it's only a name so what does it matter. My response was that if he truly believed that then he could change his name but apparently that goes against tradition and is just being silly and a sign that feminism isn't focusing on important things that matter.

But this is important to me and I decided ages ago that I'd choose to keep my name on marriage. Do you see this as a minor side issue when we should be focusing on better things or is this a matter of principle?

OP posts:
Nolim · 12/03/2015 16:48

Your desire to keep his name is as valid as yours imo. If it is just a name then why doesnt he change his?

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 12/03/2015 16:47

Of course it isn't a side issue.

If it is a minor thing, there is no reason to go with tradition. He can change his. Or you can both keep yoru own.

I did actually change my name, nearly a decade ago when I was young and less thoughtful than now. But there was no pressure.

The 'feminism isn't focusing on important stuff' is the worst argument ever. You know, I can care about many things at once. My tiny lady brain won't explode. Also, sometimes the little stuff feeds into the big stuff - like women losing carer name recognition, like women being harder to trace through history, like children seeing the male as the default...