When men call you darling or love

I'm from down south and the only people that use it are generally older women and men.

I would feel weird saying it to someone older than me because it denotes a kind of parental benevolence.

Amongst friends however we do call each other "babe" and "lovely" which is all happy and fine because it's mutual.

It used to bother me when I was younger men being all falsely gallant with their opening doors and the "loves" and "gorgeous" from men who don't know you. But you can't really challenge it because they get angry and on the surface it's a term of endearment so it looks churlish.

There is one guy at work who drives me nuts with his constant "hey beautiful" whenever he sees me. It's this assumption that it's a compliment I want, because all women want to be beautiful right?

So only men - when they are trying to be nice?

Let me check I've got this. A man calls you 'love' in a nice way, that's not OK? A woman calls you 'love' in a nice way, that's OK?

I like these terms as well( darling or love), so I can't see your problem esp up North.
What I absolutely hate hate hate is being called 'guys' especially when I'm in an all female group,or even worse when I'm out with my 80+ year old mum.

I agree with Sunny and SDT It must be exhausting being permanently vigilant for non- issues to take offence at

I came on to say - you're offended by darling or love in an area where it's commonly used regardless of gender?? But Still has said it much better than me.

If it's used to belittle in some way, fair enough - but do you find yourself being belittled often by both genders? Or just men?

I like it, unless its done in a deliberately patronising way. It cheers me up!

I agree with Sunny and SDT It must be exhausting being permanently vigilant for non- issues to take offence at.

AgentCooper - I love being called hen!

I agree with Sunny - it's about the tone and the intent. If the person is trying to put you down or denigrate you, slap them down as hard as you want. But if it is kindly meant, and you aren't offended, then there's no need to do or say anything, IMO.

anyway it is all about the tone and intention behind the words - if people cannot tune into that then they are stupid.

all of those things Faktisk - she went all martyry, reported me for 'being difficult to work with' , and started leaving rotten fruit and banana skins on my pile of books. LOL. It was only temporary summer work so could not be taken too seriously!

I get all sorts from men and women - 'hen,' 'pal,' 'buddy' - but then I'm a Glaswegian in Glasgow so it's just how we do it! if a slimy salesman kept calling me 'doll,' or something which I don often hear as a casual term of endearment, that would probably piss me off.

I once got into bother because I held a door open for another woman at a bar and said 'on you go, hen.' She rounded on me and asked me what I was doing, using sexist patronising language like that. I was a bit upset because I hadn meant to offend and it's just the way I talk. If I'd been less taken back, I'd have told her, 'if you can't stand the hens, get out of Glasgow!'

I have better things to worry about ! And many years ago I worked in a pub in Huddersfield!

Doesn't bother me at all. When I worked with the public I'd call people 'lovely'. As in 'thank you lovely'. I'm terrible at names and the business I was in was full of regular customers. The older male regulars I'd call 'young man' which honestly made their day. The only one I hated was one guy who'd call me 'lover' and stroke my hand when handing over money.

You must all hate me so much!

On the flip side, DP works with a bunch of men. They don't have names, they're all called 'flower, flowerpot, pumpkin, buttercup, cupcake,' and the like.

It's strange oop North

I grew up in the North. I miss friendly terms of endearment. They're not intended to give offence or to be patronising so I don't take them that way. I think it would be a shame if regional trends and dialect was squashed down because of fears of being offensive in a situation which is well-intentioned

sunnybaudelaire, what happened when you told her to stfu? did she go all martyry on you? report you? or did she just stop calling you sweetheart (extremely patronising I agree, and from a younger person definitely a bit aggressive from a younger person because it's so counterintuitive to say it to an older persom I think)

Ha, she sounds a right cow!

I had an older woman at work who was always rolling her eyes at me. I found her like a negative cloud tbh. A friend told me to put her in her place by saying 'thanks dear' to her when she had to do her job (but do it when I asked her to iyswim). And I laughed. I knew it would be delicious for a moment but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

it is not only men that do this, a girl at work who was at least ten years younger than me used to try to assert her superiority over me by calling me 'sweetheart' in a a kind of italic tone. I told her to STFU.

I'm guilty of doing this

If I spend too much time with my DGM often say 'flower' 'queen' or 'cock' - i know it's extremly patrinising and cringe after they have gone.

I just appreciate their politeness.

It's about intention in my view. To many people "love" is the natural thing to say - I am guilty of this and am a woman. I also use son to young lads.

If it's in the workplace, then it's okay to say, "My name is..."

But if it's in a shop or wherever, you don't necessarily want to give them your name.

perhaps scurry, if you said "my name is scurry" every time they called you babe. It's not really pulling them up. You're not saying 'don't call me babe'.

luckily don't get called babe or love by colleagues but sometimes our 'clients' which is a grandiose name for them. they do it. i wouldn't necessarily want them to know my name. they might read something in to that.

Have a lot of telephone conversations with the public at work and I'm constantly referred to as love, babe, darling', etc. I think it's probably laziness in trying to remember my name and they are just looking for a way of being relaxed and familiar without actually making the effort. The topic they are usually talking to me about is personal and sensitive and although I long to say, "OI! Don't call me babe" it would not be appropriate to pull them up on it at the time.
Colleagues who use those terms get told though