The feminist marriage - do you wear a ring?

Grimble, you have articulated my point exactly. As a feminist, I don't want to ask other feminists am I doing this right? I don't want to seek validation on issues I am empowered to make. I chose to wear a wedding ring and feel no less a woman or a feminist by doing so, no matter who would argue otherwise.

As a lifelong feminist I also find feminist views interesting and thoughtful. It makes one think about the context in which you make decisions.

However, I would never let whether something was considered a feminist action or not, dictate such a decision as to whether to wear a ring.

If you do, you are merely exchanging one set of pressures (society's) for another (feminism's).

I don't assume a woman wearing a ring on her left ring finger is married merely that she likes jewellery and if she's my age sausage fingers limit the choice of fingers rings fit.

I love jewellery and have always worn rings. As a teenager one on every finger apart from thumb.

Now pinkie rings are too men who wear blazers and work in the motortrade and rings on thumb and index finger are a little too teenage goth /heavy metal fan. That only leaves 4 fingers.

My wedding ring is on my right hand along with whatever ring set with a stone takes my fancy. It just feels more comfortable on that finger.

On my left ring finger I have a Victorian diamond and opal ring which my husband bought when our son was born. In a previous discussion on the politics of rings in one of the general forums I was told that ring is"my prize for breeding" Charming

I agree that there's nothing wrong with thinking outside of social norms, but the OP reads like a question of whether she will still be a feminist if she wears a wedding ring. That, to me, seems to be a sign of internalised oppression. On issues of what one wears on their own fourth finger, one should have the confidence in their own values to know that it will have no bearing on how much a feminist (or not) you are.

Feelings are not fact though are they?

I find feminist viewpoints interesting and thoughtful and they spark considerations I hadn't previously thought about. I suppose if you're heavily influenced by social norms you could feel as if you need the back up of others who think the same or have had the same dilemmas and there is nothing wrong with that.

There is also truly nothing wrong with thinking more deeply/widely about social norms/conventions.

Unfortunate typo, you ARE a woman, not ate

I sometimes feel like feminism is treated like a club that you can only enter if you do certain things. So you'll only be a feminist if you do or don't do x,y and z.

I feel it often misses the point and that there are many feminists who seek validation from other feminists to know if they are doing it right.

Here's the answer, you ate a woman with your own mind. You have a partner whom you love. If you want to wear a ring to symbolize your marriage then do so. You don't have to rationalize it or justify it. You are free to make your own decisions and on matters like this you should only follow your own heart.

I hope you have a long, happy and healthy marriage.

My US marriage certificate has all parents and info listed equally. I was previously unaware English ones didn't!

The ownership issue for me is not about how I see or feel myself but how others perceive me. How we choose to decorate our bodies (that includes clothing and make up) is information to be read by others and we cannot choose how they do so. So I decided other people need not be informed of my legal designation of "wife" and the owned connotations therein. Similarly I know unmarried people who choose to wear wedding rings because they want the felt status of their relationship to be visible to others (I am not saying this is true of all such couples, just the two I have known).

Still, at the end of the day it's a personal choice!

Dh and I both wear a wedding band. He spent ages finding the perfect one and is very fond of it. Mine is thin and plain.

In Scotland so thankfully we joined the 20th century last century and both parents and their occupations are listed on our wedding registration form.

Also, I am Ms Myname. As is dd. Ds has dh's surname.

We are a very happy family unit.

I like jewellery so I also resented one finger being taken up by a specific ring when there are so many rings out there!

I also regret changing my name. I did it because I was going to have to prove my marriage wasn't for immigration purposes and thought it might look bad. But that was a very English centric point of view as it turned out. I've considered changing it back but I've had it a while and I'm used to it and can't be bothered. Taking off a ring and becoming Ms are easy

I really was unprepared for how much being married, being a wife, negatively affected me emotionally. There are lots of connotations to "wife" and none of them were positive for me coming from my background.

I wear one as does dh as a mutual symbol of commitment. I wouldn't have worn one if he hadn't, and I didn't wear an engagement ring.

It's a plain white gold band as its a symbol so I wanted to keep it simple. I do like it and I like seeing it on dh - but I also like knowing I can take it off so I dont see it as a mark of ownership!

The thing with a ring is that you can take it off.

You could give each other a ring on the day and never wear them again. He can wear one and you not or vice versa, it is up to you.

Or you could exchange something else. Or not.

Personally I like jewelry so would wear a ring. Actually sometimes when I'm traveling alone I wear a wedding ring, I don't mean a day trip to London I mean a month on another continent.

I'm a feminist.

I wear a ring. DH wears a ring. They are gifts from us to each other. They aren't gifts from the patriarchy or a symbol of anything other than our marriage. Not marriage in general, our union. It was a free choice.

I did change my name and that I regret. I was young and I did it to please my new family. They attached a lot of importance to it. I am currently changing it back!

I have a wedding ring (as does DH; our rings are exactly the same, which I like), but not an engagement ring. He offered to get me one if I wanted but personally I didn't like the idea of it. (Especially because there was no proposal as such; he did ask me, but we had been talking about it and if he hadn't I would've!)

We did both change our names though. Took each other's and double barrelled.

We both have wedding rings, but don't wear them. I did "take" dhs name because I wanted us all to have the same name as a family if we had children, and I had spent my formative years loathing my own surname. It didn't occur to me that we could take on a totally new surname like some couples do,at the time, and tbh I love my surname now so it's a non issue personally.

I am a feminist and I wear an engagement ring and wedding ring. We both changed our name to his surname-my surname.
Sadly I actually think I get slightly less hassle off other men because I wear a ring which is depressing but also convenient.

We both have rings and don't wear them. TBH I wish we had put a bit more thought into it and not bothered to buy them.

Kept my name, our kids have my name (which upsets my dad weirdly enough) and he kept his.

Any

I wear a ring and so does DH. I also wear my engagement ring as I love it and it is beautiful. Doesn't make DH or I and less feminists IMO. It's about choice so do what makes you happy.

We both have rings with the same pattern, although they are wearing down after 30 years of being on fingers.
Personal choice.

I don't wear a ring, and neither does DH. We've been together for 20 years, married for 15. Doesn't seem to have done us any harm so far. :)

I don't wear one because I just don't like wearing them.

We have large plain gold bands. Neither of us are particularly hung up on wearing them every day but we also both like jewellery as well

I think of them as a physical symbol of our partnership, expressed in a traditional format. And if the shit ever truly hits the fan, we can pawn/sell them for a decent chunk of money.