If this was an issue that affected men, would it still exist?

Just as well the truth is neither of those extremes, isn't it?!

So.... in the last couple of days we've had opinions which have ranged from: If you don't take your husband's name when you get married, you're being disrespectful to his family and him, to, if you do take his surname, then you should just suck it up when you're treated as a half person, because you signed up for it?

Whodathoughtit?

It's a pain in the arse. We both changed our names when we married (took each other's, so we're now double barrelled).

Luckily when we got married most people gave us cheques in our pre-married names, but we did have one addressed to "Mr and Mrs Hisname".

We ended up giving it to DH's parents to cash into their account and they just gave us the money. Easier than going back to the relative for them to rewrite it.

The whole thing is shit. But really, don't change your name. Why should you?

Yup, it took me a long time to persuade an elderly aunt to write her Xmas cheque in my birth (and only) name, not my husband's surname. It cuts both ways, unfortunately!

Um

Someone who doesn't change their name will likely still get the problem when great aunt someone sends them a cheque to mrs hisfirstname hissurname.

Also stacks and stacks of people still change their names I don't think it's dying out at all. Many people double-barrel now for eg.

I think that's an unnecessarily aggressive response to be totally honest rinabean.

Surely better for big organisations to have sensible policies in the face of normal people behaving normally, rather than saying YES big organisations you carry on being difficult and inflexible and that's fine because IMO the people who are having trouble caused are wankers.

Don't change your name then? This problem is dying out and though I have sympathy for women who changed their names when they honestly thought they had to, I don't have any for women who tick the big box saying "I'm inferior to men" and then get surprised when they're treated that way

It's not the bank's fault you decided you were a half-person??

Well you don't have to change anything.

But whether you do or not some people are bound to do things to the "wrong" name after you marry.

I seem to remember getting a refund from an old contract or something where they'd overcharged me and it was in my old name, my bank account was in my new name, the bank wouldn't take it and the old contract people wouldn't send me one in a name they didn't have on their records.

I can't remember what happened in the end though!

So yes there is room for difficulty with this stuff.

I don't think correct. You can change what you want to change or change none but just be known socially as "Mrs Someone Else." I know some female lawyers and doctors who are maiden name only professionally but Mrs socially. I'm not sure exactly which, if any, they changed formally but it's perfectly possible to use 2 names.

There's nothing fraudulent in keeping an account in your original name.

Ah banking, the famously helpful and flexible industry. 'Computer says no'

Actually, if it's still a problem, open an account with HSBC in Geneva. They don't seem to be to rigid in applying the regulations.

Just to compound it, it's a new policy.

I never changed my name. When I first married, I could pay in married name cheques to my own name account, though I'd need to see a teller and explain and flash marriage certificate. They had discretion and exercised it sensibly.

Then everything was centralised/computerised and cheques has to be sent off to processing centres and it became impossible.

You can avoid this by having the same initial as your husband but I can see why that wouldn't work for everyone.

I'm not sure I completely agree with you on some points, there's some misinformation on what you 'have' to do if you change your name. I'll come back later to discuss it.