Feminist Pub 17: The Bluestocking frolics in the fells and fens of feminism

There was a bit of a battle of wills with the lackey this morning but he lost. I'm still in bed listening to the News Quiz. To be fair to me I was up until 5.30.

EBear just wanted you to know that I really value your contributions on here, and your wit and cleverness elsewhere. I have endless faith that, once you decide what you want to do, you will get there.

I'm a bit late, but I just wanted to say that you always came across to me as intelligent and lovely, EBear. And I hear you about choices. I gave up at 32/33 when I realized I was never going to meet anyone and get married and I didn't have the nerve (or frankly, the financial resources) to have a child by myself. Turns out, I met my now DH when I was 38 and now I'm too old to have children. And for the career, I took time off voluntarily now I doubt I will find anything - seems to me that the jobs just aren't there even if you are good at what you do, which I'm sure you are!

I've already had my breakfast in bed. You really should get better lackeys, Still.

I'm waiting for breakfast to be brought to me in bed.

I'm about to go to the post office, then continuing to deal with the boxes of the patriarchy. Sigh.

I'll swap with you if you like, Oubliette. Ferrying kids around sounds more fun than dealing with a toddler who isn't quite ready to ditch the nappies but is determined to wear big girl pants.

Good morning. I'm feeling better than I expected. However I have a tired grumpy DS who has a swimming lesson in 20 mins. Then I have to get DD to her school open morning, followed by a climbing lesson. So I'm doing a considerable amount of ferrying/hanging around too.

Good morning! A day of ferrying people around and hanging around waiting for things.

Goodnight EBear - I hope you feel better in the morning

My evening out wasn't as traumatic as I feared. However, I'm now very tired, and likely to feel hungover tomorrow as I've been drinking white wine.

I agree Kickass, people can generally tell the difference between jobs and children. The ex-partner of one of my friends offered her a "compromise" about having children in that he would agree to have a couple of dogs. Surprisingly, she didn't think the 2 were comparable and she decided she'd rather take her chances being single again. She's still single and still trying to find a man to have children with, and at 38 she is getting desperate now, but isn't in a position to be able to afford to do it by herself. According to other people she's a "career woman" too, and very few people can understand why she left him because he's such a catch.

I'm sorry you're feeling rotten, EBear. I too want to chime in saying you're lovely.

I do think the guilt about 'leaving it late' makes it all so much worse than it needs to be. It's horrible. And women (unlike men) never really get to make a decision about having children in any remotely objective way.

Thank you all! I'm sure I'll be fine once I've had more sleep, and can get up without feeling dizzy (which has been getting better this afternoon.)

And on that note, I must go to bed.

if you are trying to have kids but cant people offer up hobbies and/or a career as if the two are somehow related. Because, yes, knitting a really nice scarf will feel just the same as having a child!

I think very few people get confused and accidentally fill out a job application when they meant to give birth.

I was also in that boat where people said "oh, she's too busy having a career" or "oh, don't leave it too late". Massively unhelpful when there are no available partners of any kind (at least, that aren't "frightened" by "pushy women") let alone those wanting to have children.

Happily in my mid 30s I met DH though there was a lot of sadness after that before having our DCs. We had several miscarriages and I could feel (and indeed hear) the "well, if you hadn't left it so late" (as it turned out, it was unlikely to be for age related reasons so ya boo sucks).

Ebear

In other news, I have invited a friend of mine who lives over the pond to stop in for a pint in our lovely pub. I think she'd fit in really well here. I hope she takes me up on my invitation.

What day is it today? Friday. Yes, Friday. Two days past Wednesday. Gah!!

I'm with everyone else, EBear. I think it's so unfair that we're sold the idea that in order for our lives to be "successful", we need to have achieved certain things in terms of finding a life-mate, reproducing and having a meaningful career, whatever that means. Very little else seems to count as significant when taking stock of other's lives. There's so much more that should "count" - kindness, travel, laughter, hard work in any field for any rate of pay, determination, curiosity, adventure.

There are countless people who have partners, kids, careers, ie are "successful" by the weird standard that gets used... but who have never lived life, who just plod from one end of their lives to the other without ever lifting their gaze from their own feet. Such a waste.

Now you, on the other hand, Bearhug, you think, you question, you push to make change happen. You're awesome. Never forget that.

Ebearhug I'm so sorry you're feeling low . You never fail to provide thought-provoking and enjoyable posts on here, and come across as very kind, interesting, compassionate and accomplished

Oh ebear. [Sad]

I have met you both here, and irl. You are great in both omvho.

(i am normally normastanley etc)

EBear
I agree with Knickerful, you come across as great on here.