Feminist Pub 17: The Bluestocking frolics in the fells and fens of feminism

House I think the eroticisation of women's submission is huge in our culture and is internalised by women (NAW). I think when (some) rapists say "I thought she was enjoying it" they are telling the truth, even if she was struggling and shouting no. That's what I hate about this book and the magic cloak that BDSM seems to cast over any outrageous behaviour. Lots of people genuinely believe rape myths.

BD the short answer from my perspective is that reversing the roles acknowledges that the roles are nature and the thrill comes from the transgression or reversal, which itself is an acknowledgement of the male dominant / female submissive role.

I cannot face 50 Shades of Rape, but can I sit in a corner rocking slightly and looking deranged drinking a large and listening to the chat.

Ok will trawl back through it.

We discussed that earlier in the thread.

Squints at bar for advocaat and lemonade as chance for what DW calls my gayboy drink.

Though in the 50shade thread it was all female as subs, didn't seem much discussion of when its the male as the sub or even 'cuckold' is that also playing up to patriarchal society?

Sorry I meant to say in there that he would hate that too.

I don't really want to work with these guys either. The idea that they are going home and pretending, or in some cases, actually raping their wives - ugh. I certainly wouldn't want to place all my trust in his respecting my boundaries especially if he is the one who apparently knows what they are.

Go Fib!

He's now agreed to Skype

Get a Skype In number - they call a UK number, but it just forwards to Skype on your computer (which you could then forward to any other number you like of course)

Saved a fortune doing this when DP and I were in different countries but still needed to be able to randomly get hold of him.

I know what you mean with recruiters, they are so persistent though, you eventually have to be as brutal with them as they are with you.

Speaking of jobs, I've just hired a nanny in preparation for mine, and as a consequence I'm feeling so light and unstressed, having been able to concentrate on my freelancing for the past two days with no childminder dropoffs, no school pickups - I've even baked some biscuits! This must be how DP feels all the time, the bastard! (light hearted.. but I'm clearly not cut out to be a SAHM)

Well done!

What is wrong with Skype, other than that he wants to fiddle about with other jobs during the call and not give you his full attention?

Hello everyone!

It's amazing how conditioned we get to "being nice". I'm in Asia for a few weeks and have been emailed by a recruiter about a position for which, frankly, I am a great candidate. He wants to speak on the phone immediately, I Skype, he said nope, phone. My instinct was to play nice and receive his call but SO MANY TIMES I spend half an hour on the phone with recruiters to then never hear again from them, that this time I've told him that at £1.50 per minute, I'm just not willing to make the investment.

A small part of me is horrified at what I've done, but the rational part of me thinks "F this S, if he is really interested he'll find a way to make it happen".

Yes I expect that's what I meant

I read it as: we're all in it together (i.e. myself and my colleagues), and that 'they' know that 'we' will find a way of coping. So it did make sense.

Huh I'm not sure why I put "plural" in there. It made sense at the time but I think I was going to say something slightly different and now it doesn't make sense

They do it because they know you (plural) care, both about your own work/clients (depending on industry) and about your colleagues. It was caring about colleagues' workloads that really scuppered me.

We have a recruitment freeze. One of my colleagues left 17 months ago. I'm still doing most of his role as well as my own. The secretary situation isn't helping my stress levels. And we've just been told we have to cover some extra work for a colleague at another site who is off sick. No idea how we'll manage this (fortunately it won't land on my desk, as it is outside my current expertise and I'm not open to any 'development opportunity' suggestions).

Putting more work on the other secretaries is likely to move things along more quickly. A couple of years ago I got a promotion but my manager couldn't get sign-off to advertise my previous role (senior management denied there was a hiring freeze ). I had to accept the promotion on the proviso that I would also cover my previous role (yes I'm a mug). It was only after six months of this, when I was on my knees with so much work and had lost all enthusiasm for the promotion, that I realised that I had to make other people uncomfortable for things to change and push the work of my previous role back or forward onto others. Within a few weeks the vacancy was being advertised as other people complained to their managers that there was no one to do the work. I had enabled it by being so compliant and a good little worker and trying to avoid inconveniencing others.

Sadly the damage was done and having lost the enthusiasm for te promotion (what with bein totally unable to hit the ground running as my time was so split), I left the company and industry last year totally disillusioned

Ah yes, I've come across a few of those in my time.

My main secretary was amazing. More of the "You asked me to bind the signature copy of the document, so I've done a standard covering letter if you just want to look over and sign and I've booked the courier" type.