My mother just told me off for being "too feminist"...

(But of course cooking-agnostics can also be feminists.)

But it makes sense to be a good cook if you are a feminist - it means you can have your food and eat it!

We're deedpolling DS2's surname to mine (it alliterates, and DS1's alliterates with DP's surname) before we get his first passport. I like my name, and feel no urge to change it. MIL is horrified.

It is my biggest regret (actually probably my only real regret) that I had wobbles about giving him my name from birth (I was worried DS1 would think I favoured him - DS1 couldn't care less it turns out), and due to the sexist way things are set up, I can't change DS's surname to mine without a deedpoll but they'd let me change it to DPs - and change the birth certificate!

I changed my name. I wanted to.
But if our surnames had sounded better we would have double-baralled. If I didn't like his surname, I would have kept mine.
I don't think it matters what you do, more that you do it because you choose to.

Thankfully my own dm was a proper 70's women's libber so I was brought up feminist.

FIL on the other hand was horrified that I didn't change my name on marriage but not only that, the dc have my surname! He actually said "Do I not have a say in this?" well, no ......

PIL have always refused to use mine or the dc surname on anything written but this year they addressed our Xmas card to Mr and Mrs Dh initial Dh surname which, tbh, after all these years I see as provocative and was livid about it.

I was thinking arse-house.

It has occurred to me that my mother sees my feminism as an attack on her life choices. But if she's secure in those choices, why is she so defensive? Perhaps deep down she feels short-changed somewhere, even though she's very quick to tell me that she's never encountered any resistance to her choices in her life due to her gender. She has been a teacher and a SAHM. What resistance to these traditional women's roles would she expect to encounter, exactly?

I also wonder if it's because her own mother was a trail-blazer who got herself into university to study dentistry back when women "didn't do that", who was incredibly successful and independent, but also rather cold and packed my mum off to boarding school (which she hated). So I can see why my mum might have some negative views of female empowerment if at some level she feels it deprived her of a loving mother.

It would be nice if she would take the time to examine these possbilities herself though, rather than just to thoughtlessly consider it fine to attack me whenever I try to talk to her about something that she knows is very important to me.

You could do Saarus. That looks quite exotic.

Our name won't have any vowels in the first 4 letters.

Annie - she may feel particularly aggrieved that you're rejecting her philosophy of gender because it attacks her as a woman directly. On the other hand, given she sounds hideously bigoted, she would probably feel the same if you got together with someone from a different ethnicity or came out as gay. Your brother sounds delightful - hard to believe he hasn't been snapped up I assume you were too polite to reply "what wife?". I wonder what century he thinks we live in if a husband has to give permission for a wife to use the name of her choice.

Arsaus is definitely up there with Pinuus. I'm saying it as 'arse-horse' (with a silent h if you know what I mean) in my head My own as I say as 'pea-noose'.

My mother, who is generally as placid as they come, flies into an absolute rage whenever I mention anything even related to feminism. She likes to tell me how excited she was about getting to iron my dad's shirts when she got married, and cannot comprehend why I wouldn't feel the same (I don't iron anything). Okay if feminism isn't for her, but I fail to understand why she's so angry about it.

And then there's my brother. When I told him I was reclaiming my birth surname and going double-barrelled with DH's name, I thought he'd be pleased that our unusual surname was being brought back into circulation. But no, his comment on that was "I'd never let my wife do something like that!". Which may be why he still doesn't have a wife at aged 39. He also told me I was deluded telling my daughters that they could achieve anything, because it's a man's world and the sooner they realise that the better.

They are both also terrible racists and my mum is homophobic too. I have absolutely no idea how I got to be the person I am with family like them!!

tribpot - we'd have been Arsaus, which isn't as bad as yours but still not ideal!! Okay written but doesn't sound out well.

That is a good tip about pants! I didn't change my name on marriage but do use married name for school as the kids use our titles and Ms is awkward. My DF has had a lot of problems understanding this. In the end I told him it was a stage name and he grasped it.

Lightning reminds me of some friends of mine who took the first two letters of her surname, first two of his and added 'us' to signify togetherness to make a new surname. If DH and I had done that our surname would have been 'Pinuus'. Oddly not tempting in our case but could work well for others.

And on the related topic of killing 'sock germs' (whatever they are) - surely you'd put the socks through a hotter wash if you really thought this was necessary . When I was doing work experience in Spain I had to rip up paper as it was cheaper to use me than the shredder. That's right up there in terms of soul destroying work - I feel the need for a sole/soul pun here somewhere :)

Ironing the gusset of your pants is a good idea if you're prone to thrush - normal washes don't get rid of the spores.

Yeah, well these are the feminist boards. Best bit of mumsnet.

I don't think I've ever seen two such diverse topics going along in one thread.

I have heard that ironing socks is a good idea if you've had athlete's foot.

"Why be fussy". Names are important. They are the starting point of, at least public, identity.

Ironing as a form of pasteurising?

I changed my name after what I remember as a yr delay to marriage over this issue. Dh doesn't see it that way even after the debates we had about it. I did want the same family name for all of us. i think the only fair way is to make up a completely new name for a newly-created family. And why not?Surnames are only another social invention, not that old really. Different societies have different solutions. The 'keeping it down the male line' was because women were posessions, not people. Mash the two existing names together to make a new one or just make it up!

Some people iron socks to kill off any nasties that don't die in a 30 degree wash. (not me. I'm normal)

I wasn't bothered about changing my name. Dh was. It was in his eyes what you did. I was bothered about him saying he wasn't going to wear a wedding ring.

We compromised. I'd change my name if he agreed to wear the ring.

He's lost said ring twice now and I only regret changing my name when I book flights online with BA. Surname has an apostrophe. Apparently BA can cope with Irish sounding names -O'something. But not my A'something name. They always leave the apostrophe out.

Well, at least some posters have made the point that attitudes about name changing are not necessarily an age thing. I did not change my name, and I would be willing to bet that I am older than the OP's mother.

OP, any future children could have your surname if you want to have the same surname as them. They don't have to have their father's surname.