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Original poster

Feminist Pub 16: where the Bluestockings develop armoured stockings to deal with the thousand paper cuts

992 replies

FibonacciSeries · 14/01/2015 12:39

Carry on.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 20/01/2015 23:22

Oh, I miss spark too. The nurse sticking a needle in me to give blood last week is the only physical contact I've had with anyone since sometimes before Christmas. Having as much association with someone for there to be spark just doesn't seem any sort of possibility these days.

I think most good relationships do start with friendship, but I am hardly an expert. They probably should start with friendship, and I wonder if all the threads in Relationships, whether all of those started with friendship.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 23:15

Well, I have had spark with people, and I miss it.

I don't know if we're talking about the same thing, though.

I think probably most good relationships start and end by being friendly, don't they?

EBearhug · 20/01/2015 23:07

I don't take too much notice of me thinking I see sparks these days, not after I asked out a bloke who was gay, and everyone else knew, but thought it more amusing not to tell me. I am totally incompetent at telling if there's a spark.

Dragonlette · 20/01/2015 22:58

We don't have sparks either, we have a very relaxed friendship with some sex thrown in. I did have sparks with dd1's father but he was an arse so I think I've been turned off spark.

AnnieLobeseder · 20/01/2015 22:34

When I first met DH there was definitely no spark. In fact I thought he was a bit of an idiot. I still think he's a bit of an idiot, but in a good way!

Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever had a "spark". We're just really good mates. Who happen to shag. I mean, I don't expect sparks from my friendships, and apparently not from my life-mate either!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 22:28

That sounds perfect, buffy.

I'm realizing I'm finding this actually quite hard. I don't want to talk about specifics, but I'm getting increasingly angry that I've spent a lot of time avoiding 'spark' because of what I suppose is abuse.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 20/01/2015 22:23

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BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 20/01/2015 22:16

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PetulaGordino · 20/01/2015 22:05

Buffy did the sparks come when you saw him on a good hair day? Grin

LRD I can guarantee you're not the only woman to have done that!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 21:53

EBear - oh, whew. I felt like such a tit. Glad I'm not alone.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 21:53

Grin petula, that would totally be my level of conversation.

buffy - aww. And yes, as in online dating - and, I agree - I'm partly on there to make friends, because it's nice in a new place.

EBearhug · 20/01/2015 21:50

I did manage to apologize to someone after sex once
You're not the only person who has done that, and not just in a "sorry for jabbing you with my elbow," sort of way.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 20/01/2015 21:49

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BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 20/01/2015 21:47

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EBearhug · 20/01/2015 21:47

My director has banned me from apologising. I have noticed that I don't have a problem with being apologetic with people whose opinion I don't care about, because I am not really worried about upsetting them in any way, and I tend not to apologise to them at all.

It does of course mean that I end up apologising for apologising...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 21:46

True, but I quite fancy some spark, since the spark was the bit that'd gone with my marriage. Since you say inappropriate, I will shame myself and admit that I did manage to apologize to someone after sex once ... because it wasn't good for me. Hmm Shock I have issues.

PetulaGordino · 20/01/2015 21:45

First time I met dp we talked about the spaghetti bolognese he had jut made. Iirc the extent of my sparkling wit was "ooh you've made bolognese!" (as if he hadn't noticed)

Shy is ok, neither of you trying to dominate the other, sounds nice unless conversation was really stilted.

Original poster
FibonacciSeries · 20/01/2015 21:42

Ah snap! Well FWIW I think not all great love stories have to start with a spark Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
FibonacciSeries · 20/01/2015 21:41

We are all about inappropriate chats! Was there a spark? Actually, scrap that, there wasn't any spark at all the first time I met my husband! Hmm. Guess a better question is: was the conversation good?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 21:41

Fuck, I've just apologized again.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 21:40

She was - I just don't know that it was all that sparky, or if we were just a bit shy. Not sure what genre.

Sorry - I didn't mean to take over the thread with my shite!

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 20/01/2015 21:24

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 21:17

Please ask. I'm still getting to know people here, and I've no-one I've known long enough I can have those inappropriate chats with, except my lovely housemate.

And, online, she's an artist, and dark hair, not tall, quite slight.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 20/01/2015 20:56

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 20/01/2015 20:35

Well, feminism, anyway.