Feminist Pub 16: where the Bluestockings develop armoured stockings to deal with the thousand paper cuts

Preserving ApocalypseThen's fab post...

"Well, in my capacity as self appointed Feminist-In-Chief, the pope of feminism, if you like, I'm going to publish an edict on this topic. Yes, feminists prefer men with lots of sexy experience, so basically, sucks to be you. "

just checking in and marking my place

i know BD77 - her mum's fine with it though, so all ok!

house it might have been me, but i'm not sure as i've stopped using my arm strap because it felt funny, like it was cutting off the circulation though it wasn't too tight, just that i didn't like the feeling when i was running and also the way it swung up and down with each step. also i don't actually need to look at the phone, i just have it to monitor speed/distance if i want to (i don't always) and also in case i fall down a mineshaft and need to call for help. i'm an anxious type! so i use a tiny bumbag type thing too which i also keep my door key in

Also tracking the daughter whose 19 - like WTH shes an adult!

Reaction?

1 Never trust a woman who calls her husband "hubby"
2 And this woman is a teacher?
3 What a handmaid
4 Put a tracking device on his phone - and don't tell him
5 Divorce this control freak

But in reverse order

I thought that as well Petula, the only people benefitting are the people who want to spy on their partners (usually men) because they can make out that it's fine and normal to do so, and their partners (usually women) are being daft to have a problem with it.

oh yes not meaning it's the same thing at all

ltb is my reaction too. love =/= control

it's just a rather pointless article on the face of it. husband does something that most people would find abusive and controlling; wife claims she's fine with it. i suppose it's not pointless to another man doing the same thing so he can say to his wife "see, she's fine with it - it's only because i love you!"

i actually ahve a tracker app on my phone in case i lose it, which is activated when you log onto a computer to see where it is, and i pointed out to dp that if he was worried (e.g. if i was taking ages coming back from a long run) and i didn't answer the phone he could track the phone. i don't believe he has ever done so though

i don't understand the point of articles like that though. it's obviously been written by a journalist in "her" voice so you're not given a true account. are we supposed to think she is stupid, or that it's romantic, or that he is abusive, or all three? even if she isn't bothered about her own privacy, what about the privacy of those she is with? after reading that article i wouldn't be having private tuition with her, or want to spend a sociable evening in her company

That's awful Puffins. The way she casually says that he listens to her conversations when she isn't even on the phone!! I wouldn't be letting him control the apps in the house, at the very least, I think I would probably have ended the relationship as soon as I realised he was spying on me. If you want to spy on your partner then I think that pretty much means that you have no trust left, so the relationship is fairly dead anyway.

This has been bouncing around Twitter all morning. Not sure where to even start with it really.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/my-husband-spies-smartphone-app-5011718

That seems a bit heavy handed. We often talk about feminist events on here.

Does anyone know why the thread on "No Platforming" was deleted? I thought it was an interesting event.

And that brings us back to the patriarchy. DP's job means that he's out of the house around 7:30-8, and back again about 6:30 if he's lucky (once or twice a week he'll be late).

As soon as DS1 wasn't being fed to sleep I handed the bedtime over to DP - which despite some protestation at first, has been his job ever since.

Should we ever split (not likely, but obviously you never know) I want him to have a fighting chance of getting equal custody - and if he never did anything for the kids then that just wouldn't be as likely because they want to give the kids some continuity.

This is what actually silenced a weird MRA type I accidentally spoke to on Facebook - I stayed reasonable, pointed a of study that showed that the majority of mothers bent over backwards to facilitate contact (was from Sussex if I remember rightly - questioned the kids of separated couples), that the way to ensure you get to look after your children after divorce, is to look after them before divorce etc.

I don't even think that most of the time it's intentional on the part of the men - patriarchy again - they just go out to work, and leave all the kid stuff to the mother, and that lackadaisical behaviour comes back to bite them at an already difficult time for everyone, when no-one is really thinking straight.

A friend has just posted link to a Torygraph article on FB which says that evil mothers are being overly hostile after divorce and denying contact to loving fathers.

Now in her case, she is married to a man who fought tooth and nail for many years to be allowed to see his children. He is a lovely man, and for all that I don't know his ex or her side of the story, I know he was genuinely devastated to be denied access, and really did fight with all he had. In the end, the courts supported him and he was allowed access again.

So yes, some parents of both genders are capable of being utter dicks and use their children as weapons in a divorce. And given her background, I can see why she is skeptical of some mothers. But really? It's always the mother's fault when dads don't get the access they want? Nothing to do with dad not stepping up? Nothing to do with what the courts decide is in the best interests of the child?

I'm not going to engage with her because I know it won't end well, but what an irresponsible article on the part of the Torygraph.

Driving many miles this morning to look at a house. Please cross all available fingers.

I have two important things to say this morning:

1. Having a "collaboration" wished upon you is pants. To hell with collaboration. I'm a loner and proud of it.

2. If I see another instruction to an 8yo to "look up on the internet to find out about X" I shall have to eat the fucking school.

That is all.

As you were.

What was his bedtime book? The Famous Five?

I told DS1 that I hated his bedtime book. I am a Bad Parent.

In my defence, it's a series where the boys do all the adventuring and the girls do the tidying up.

We read a book about a dog instead

Ouch! Yes, that's not really ideal contact-wise.