Feminist Pub 16: where the Bluestockings develop armoured stockings to deal with the thousand paper cuts

Thanks Buffy

Brid I have read many disc world books but not that one specifically

My mother is a gp and says that with the benefit of hindsight and experience (professionally and with my brother) she would probably have pushed for testing me for adhd

Buffy mentioned people getting affronted by the notion of socialisation a little while back. Why is that? Is it just the thought that we might not be 100% in control of our own minds?

I've been thinking recently, if it weren't for Terry Pratchett my brain might never have found itself suitably aligned for radical feminism. Specifically, The Science of Discworld II. Has anyone read it and has a vague idea what I mean? I'm a bit too hungover to get to the end of this train of thought by myself.

Thanks for the link Buffy, I'll have a read.

Honestly Puffins I have no idea. I haven't though seriously about ASD but there's...something, and I don't know whether it's just her idiosyncrasies and shouldn't worry, or that she's only little (she's 5 next month), or something more definitive than that. She's a such a happy, friendly, bouncy girl but she has these flashes of anger and has hit other kids, which her teacher thinks is "strange" because she's so articulate she should be able to verbalise how she feels or what she wants to happen or go and tell a teacher. But she has a very strong sense of what is "right" or "fair" if that makes sense, so e.g won't tolerate someone trying to take something when it's her go (and she's waited patiently for her turn). She won't wear clothes at home. She is sensitive to external stimuli but not in a way that makes her anxious all the time, just sometimes. She's very bright and "phenomenally" good at maths (teacher's words). So I don't know what to make of it.

Don't remember her walking on her tiptoes, no.

NvN... well thankfully they won't. Or rather, they will only ever be able to say that, for instance, on average 60% of men are 60% better on these tasks. More would have been shown up by now. And on those numbers, some men will immediately jump up and down and try to use them as an excuse, but the individual dynamics would trump. (not doing v well on the imagining front)

If 100% were 100% better there wouldn't be a discussion, because men would be so obviously better there'd be no female representation at all!

The p. 3 thing... no. But that's what the thread's for.

Demis, are you concerned that your DD is showing signs of being on the spectrum? If so, you need to make sure that the school is aware of the different ways that ASD presents in females to males. And, that symptoms which would be major flags in boys are often masked in girls.

Having done a fair bit of reading around the subject with 2 ds's on the spectrum, it would be a miracle if I'm not also on it girls just aren't picked up, and even when parents have concerns, their concerns are brushed away by teachers who are unaware of the differences in presentation.

Just out of interest, did you Buffy, or your dd Demis walk on tiptoes as a small child?

sorry that should have been not

I'm reading your conversation with interest Buffy and Puffins as I display some similar behaviour and have been told by various professionals that it's linked to OCD.

I'm a little worried about DD2 and some of her behaviours and am going to talk to school next week

Yes, that sounds like pretty much classic stimming. DS is a tapper, but when younger flapped. He also hums to create 'white noise' in his head when noises get to him. He will always do it, it's just a feature of him, hopefully, as he matures, he'll be able to direct his stim into something more socially acceptable, like a whole body shudder.

Sample size of 2 here, and they also get pissed off with other men's behaviour. Only 50% of them feel able to call other men out on it, the other 50% just feel uncomfortable and use their mum as an example of NAWALT when it comes to discussions like that.

V interested in the Nature/Nurture thing as well.

Buffy that must be really difficult to cope with. DS finds the SPD the hardest thing to deal with, he can cope now with not really understanding about 50% of what people say to him, unless he has time to really think about it, what he can't cope with is the random things that make him want to flap or otherwise stim.

Lightning my local sample size of 1 also says the same!

Fib I'm sorry for the shit work news - but sorrier for them if it means they don't keep you!

Yes well I'm a bit more simple! That's fascinating... my local sample size of 1 male gives a 200% response for yes that statement about men's behaviour pisses him off, and all sorts of associated cultural behaviour also pisses him off, eg in work hierarchical systems. And further that he's pissed off that his culture gave him an unwittingly, subtly misogynistic viewpoint to begin with, and pleased that with help he's able to see it.

Well that's it isn't it? Far better to be insulted when what it means is that you can get away with not doing shitwork and get other people to serve your needs

And of course they aren't actually lazy, violent etc when it suits them (in some situations where it means paid work for example)

fib that is crap about the penis thing but good luck with the other. Do some finger strengthening exercises in the meantime.

Sympathy to Fib. Can you ask for a review or something?

You know, Buffy, you are in serious danger of becoming my hero here. But is nature v nurture an ever-so-slightly -just a leetle - more interesting topic? Though I liked the point that it didn't matter anyway. (Referring to one of the p. 3 threads for curious bystanders, didn't want to derail it).

That is utterly crap Fib. Have they told you why they've given it to him over you, other than the penis thing?

Buffy I react quite badly to dp eating as well, dd2 is seemingly the same with any louder than normal noise. We both now leave the room when dp gets a snack. I'm not sure that's a fair strategy for us to use, but it stops us killing him, which is a bonus. I suspect I, and both dds, have a mild form of sensory things going on, we're all very fussy about textures, noises, and smells. Dp thinks we're all weird.