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Original poster

Feminist Pub 16: where the Bluestockings develop armoured stockings to deal with the thousand paper cuts

992 replies

FibonacciSeries · 14/01/2015 12:39

Carry on.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 30/01/2015 20:33

Ooh, hot chocolate. It is cold enough for that.

High fliers to me are people who rise to the top of whatever their occupation is quite quickly and quite young. They usually get high salaries, power and influence as a result of that.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 30/01/2015 20:17

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UptoapointLordCopper · 30/01/2015 19:58

I have a sore throat from shouting. Sad

UptoapointLordCopper · 30/01/2015 19:58

"Spotty of chin and wide of thigh, she nonetheless summoned the courage to leave the house and do things." Grin

AnnieLobeseder · 30/01/2015 19:46

This has cheered me up slightly though. Though sad that the push-back was required in the first place.

AnnieLobeseder · 30/01/2015 19:43

I am done with hot choc and onto wine. The patriarchy has done brought me low this evening. Oh well, it's Friday and there will be pizza shortly.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 30/01/2015 19:40

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ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 30/01/2015 19:25

Joins hiding spot. DS threw epic wobbly as grandad put his drink in the wrong cup. And we're on pox watch.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 30/01/2015 19:24

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UptoapointLordCopper · 30/01/2015 19:18

I need somewhere to hide too. DS1 just threw a tantrum because he can't get a tricky part of his cello right. And I just threw a tantrum because I'm sick of people throwing tantrums.

UptoapointLordCopper · 30/01/2015 17:23

We are going to ice some cupcakes. Hmm

I have never seen the point of water icing.

AnnieLobeseder · 30/01/2015 16:35

I'm just going to curl up on a beanbag in the corner with a cup of hot chocolate to regroup before heading back out into Those Two Threads. Don't mind me. I'm happy to make a cup for anyone else who needs one....

FuckOffGroundhog · 30/01/2015 16:06

Ah Ok, sorry. I'm not familiar with that. I'm not English and I don't think we have anything like it back home. My concern would be that women might feel coerced by their communities/churches or friends and family in to doing the whole forgiving thing. Or that the it might be pushed to "punish" the attacker and just end up making things worse for the victim. But I also think it's unfair for them to not have the option if that's standard. I'm a bit hmm at the idea as a whole.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 30/01/2015 14:11

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BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 30/01/2015 14:08

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HouseWhereNobodyLives · 30/01/2015 13:38

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HumphreyApplebysFeministSister · 30/01/2015 13:29

Just to be clear, restorative work would not be about the offender feeling better or moving on. It would be about the victim feeling heard and that the experience was helpful for them, and about it reducing the likelihood of further offending. It would never happen if for example the offender was denying it, or was going to get some sort of kick from the process. It's usually not face to face and is carefully managed.

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 30/01/2015 13:26

That's roughly what I thought too. No way I'm I making any of these gits feel better, and the idea that some women might ever feel obliged to do so... think I might throw up.

HumphreyApplebysFeministSister · 30/01/2015 13:26

Thank you all for your views. That's it in a nutshell for me Buffy, about wanting women to amend their emotional responses so others don't feel uncomfortable. I want victims of rape and other sexual crimes to have the same options as others. For other crimes there is no pressure to forgive, or to feel in a particular way. Or to 'get over' it. There's something a bit dismissive about the but this is different attitude.

PetulaGordino · 30/01/2015 13:23

yes, encouraging forgiveness often seems to be about a wronged person making other people feel better, rather than about actually what that wronged person needs. of course there will be some people who do need that and it's right that they should work towards it, but if it's prescriptive it just feels like an excuse for everyone else to wash their hands of the nasty situation and "get back to normal"

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 30/01/2015 13:22

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BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 30/01/2015 13:19

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PetulaGordino · 30/01/2015 13:18

here

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 30/01/2015 13:16

no, definitely not a requirement... will look that up thanks.

PetulaGordino · 30/01/2015 13:14

there was an interesting thread about that a few months ago lightning. i agree with you. i also don't think it is necessarily a requirement for people to "move on" with their lives iyswim. it is perfectly normal and legitimate for them to continue to be angry with their attacker. of course i'm sure there are people for whom forgiveness is important and it is a genuine action on their part. but i don't think it should be a requirement by any means