Handling this situation with DP

Eiliscitron - Angsty 'nice' guys?

DP's revolting wank fantasy friend and all their sniggering mates are the opposite of laddish. Indie sexism / perviness is extremely insidious because they all think they are "more sensitive" or something than "other blokes". ugh

Was DP in earshot when the guy said that?

II wouldn't ever be in that position as I have never sought to be friendly with those types of guys with that lad, baaanter, wimen, pack mentality.

I let something like this go because it was DP's birthday. His friend said something about how often I (and other women with my hair colour) appear in his wank fantasies and went on about it for a while while the table tittered politely as if it were some gentle and very funny joke. I was very uncomfortable and didn't know how to express it. The fact that DP didn't behave as if there was anything wrong with it has become part of a general bolus of resentment at his general inconsiderateness and unexamined privilege. (a lot of the rest has to do with having children)

I think I should have confronted it with him then or immediately afterwards. I hate to admit it but it is one area in which I have lost respect for DP and maybe if I had challenged him he might have come out on the right side. (or maybe not). Take it up with him and see where it gets you. If you don't it will be hard to forget no matter how much you want to.

What would worry me is that your DP is showing he's the type to let things slide with his lad mates because it's 'banter' / they weren't being serious etc. I think it's the responsibility of decent feminist friendly men to stand up to that kind of stuff, not only if it's directed towards 'their' woman. Eg. Recently my DP caused a row with his mates over them using 'gay' as an insult, they don't use it now (at least not in front of DP!). Your guy sounds scared to rock the boat and I'd be worried what other stuff he lets slide when you're not there. I find it hard to respect men who search for ways to excuse sexism for fear of not being seen as one of the 'lads'.

I don't think it's a matter of treating his wife as property in a "hands off my woman" kind of way but more a "don't talk to any woman that way". When people say things to us which are shocking and throw us off-kilter it's nice if the people that love and know us intervene and take care of us.

It's horrible, but I'd feel equally insulted if my partner felt it was up to him to intervene in a situation in which I (his "property") was dissed/attacked.

I think you reacted appropriately, maybe you could have been a bit more assertive, but I'm not sure that expecting your partner to be all, "DON'T YOU TALK TO MY WOMAN LIKE THAT!" is really right either. Maybe you both need to keep a bit of distance from this dick?

No, you're definitely not overreacting, based on the "it" alone . The entire comment is revolting and dehumanising. In what imaginary and unpleasant world is "I'd fuck it" a compliment? Does your DP really think your self-worth is based on whether or not some drunken rando would have sex with you? Does he respect you otherwise?

It is not a compliment. I would have been livid and probably told him (the 'friend') as much (not a natural peace keeper here!).

Not sure how you tackle it with your partner though. This sort of thing has a habit of making the complainer look unreasonable (which I don't think you are).
I suspect it's more not wanting to rock the boat with his mates/cause upset, rather than not respecting women. But it does often seem to be an issue of "missus" versus "mates".

No you are not over-reacting.

It's not a compliment, it's at worst a threat and at best a slap down, a putting you in your place - you're not a real person, just something I'd fuck.

He's shown very clearly what he thinks of women - that they're things to fuck. TBH I would make sure that I would never be alone with him.

I'd be disappointed in a partner of mine who thought this was in any way acceptable. You ask why he thinks it's OK. Well, it's probably because your DP doesn't have much respect for women either. Hence not being too concerned about his friend. Sorry.