Why are women who dont want children not taken seriously.

Oh bugger Claw I have recently had an op under GA and as I was OK afterwards this reassured me about having another op!

"So what about someone who requests a dramatic plastic surgery procedure, like a full nose reconstruction? That would be extremely difficult and painful to reverse. Something tells me they would be less likely to get shooed out of the surgery and told to come back when they have grown up."

Actually I think the problem is that cosmetic surgery is given too easily rather than sterilisation is not given easily enough. I think surgeons who make their living out of people's insecurities and who give painful, unnecessary and irreversible surgery to people who haven't fully thought through the consequences of their decision are wholly unethical money grubbing con artists. I would much rather see a situation where all life-changing but not medically essential surgery was difficult to access.

Waiting you haven't seen the consultant yet. Wait to hear what they say. My friend aged 40 was recently refused by the consultant because she's had a few surgeries and he doesn't want to go in again.

Although as a point of principle I don't support this, to be honest on a practical level I do. I wouldn't like to guess at figures but I imagine there are more women who change their minds than women who don't. And while it's fair enough to say, "Tough luck, you made your bed now off you go and lie on it," the reality is that wouldn't happen - reversals would end up getting carried out for the good of the woman's mental health, or whatever.

I think it's one of those examples where a policy might not benefit the individual but does benefit the cohort.

I have a friend who persuaded a doctor to sterilise her because she was going through a terribly messy divorce at the time and was terrified of becoming pregnant with her soon-to-be ex-husband's child. She's now remarried and bitterly regrets it. At the time, it was a valid reason for her. Afterwards, not so much.

Obviously all issues that affect our bodily autonomy are feminist issues, but it's not as if women are refused sterilisation AND then compelled to give birth to children they don't want. There are other options available to women in the UK in the 21st century - they might not be perfect but they are there and for the most part they're quite good.

Two friends of mine were both adamant throughout their 20s that they never wanted children, ever. Vehemently sure. Both now have children, mid 30s, planned.

I'm shocked. I asked my GP if I could get sterilised as a 'by the way' at the end of an appt for my DD. She said no problem, a few days later the paperwork arrived and I have a consultant appt soon. I thought this was normal. Either I am lucky or she thinks I am such a crap parent she is eager to make sure I don't have any more DC

SO. If you think that doctors should always offer sterilization to women who say they never want children regardless of their age, do you equally think people who want gender reassignment should not have to go through counseling?

Or that people who'd quite like a limb cut off should just be given that opportunity because it's their body after all?

So what about someone who requests a dramatic plastic surgery procedure, like a full nose reconstruction? That would be extremely difficult and painful to reverse. Something tells me they would be less likely to get shooed out of the surgery and told to come back when they have grown up.

We live in a litigious age, sadly.
Drs may feel they have to protect themselves from those women who may have the op and then change their mind.
My Dh had a vasectomy a few years ago and the dr wasn't happy as he was under 40.
We managed to convince him!

'In 2014'

I know! You have to keep reminding yourself that it is in fact 2014. No, life is not an episode of Mad Men, even if it bloody feels like it sometimes!

Lotta, I agree the "silly little girl" attitude is totally unwarranted and unprofessional. But even still, I understand the reluctance on HCPs part to permanently remove a life option from someone, given the devastating effect that it could have if that person regrets their decision later on.

Oh Loathsome, how ghastly for you. Too young to be making such life changing decisions? What utter crap. It's disgraceful that women are being shooed out the door with a 'we know best' attitude.

I really hope you don't get yet more static when you ask again for an ablation. Good luck x

That is awful Loathsome. I hope you get the treatment you need.

I'm 31 and for years I've been struggling with horrifically heavy (I'm usually housebound for the first two or three days) and painful periods. I can't have hormonal contraception because I have migraines. I've been on both tranexamic acid and mefenamic acid with no visible results. I vetoed the Mirena having read up on it and decided it wasn't right for me.

My GP happily agreed that as I didn't want children (never have and never so much as wavered on that) she would refer me to have an endometrial ablation. I was over the moon, my mum had suffered similarly and finally getting the ablation had changed her life. Except when I saw the consultant he said I was far too young (at 29) to be making such life changing decisions and I should go back in five or ten years.

I've been denied medical treatment that will improve my quality of life because I'm apparently not capable of making decisions regarding my body and my health.

DH has since had a vasectomy (without so much as an "Are you sure?" ) and we're hoping that as we now have permanent contraception in place someone will be willing to do the ablation. I fully expect to be told that I could still meet someone else and change my mind so the next stage of the plan is for me to go private to be sterilised and hope that's enough.

Sorry, that should say *in case I change my mind.

I completely agree. A woman a while ago on the Pregnancy(???) board came on to ask about sterilisation. She was in her early 40s and had 4 children. Someone actually asked her if she was sure she'd completed her family!

cailin, that is a bizarre attitude from those HCPs, not to mention highly unprofessional. Being on the receiving end of that attitude must make you aware of how utterly frustrating it is to be told (implicitly) that you don't know your own mind and are making a mistake, you silly little girl. That's how many of us feel about being refused sterilisation.

I think it's a very difficult procedure to access generally, especially female sterilisation. I have three DC's and am sure I have completed my family, but I have nevertheless been told that they would be reluctant to refer me until my youngest is at least 1 until I change my mind. And that even after that they are often reluctant because you might split, meet a new partner and want children with that partner. Or something may happen to one or more of your existing children.

I don't think it's so much that they don't believe you in your specific circumstance, as that life throws all of us curve balls and they are reluctant to change things so permanently. A GP I know sees quite a few men seeking vasectomy reversals apparently, which I can see would make you cautious.

I was pregnant

Lotta - HCPs expressed surprise that I pregnant with my DS at 27. I didn't consider it young but a lot of them certainly did and didn't hide it. Pregnant 18 year olds get masses of judgement and derision.

Subtlety, it's the entire point. No one can predict the future. Taking steps to remove a biological function that might not be possible to restore in the future is a massive undertaking, medically speaking, and it would be totally unethical for doctors to do it when there is a risk that the person will change their mind but be able to do nothing about it.

You might be absolutely sure at 21 that you never want children, but it is not guaranteed that you will still be sure at 31. It is possible to prevent pregnancy using non-permanent methods, so using a permanent method is not sensible given the risks involved.