Feminist Pub 14: The Bluestocking, a place for feminist chat and feminists to chat

I used to deliver diversity training. It was mostly on sex discrimination iirc. That is the City for you.

Evening all

I am having one of those "why did I look at a thread in AIBU?" moments. It's the "explaining what Ched Evans did to your 9 year old" one. Someone has basically said a young woman in their family was raped aged 15 but it was (insert euphemism of your choice for "her fault") because she and her friend went out without permission, got drunk, then went to a party with older men where they were raped. But the bit that has me really upset is the fact that she's said the young woman (now in her 20s) won't open up, and is repressing it all. Well, with attitudes like that in your family, you would, wouldn't you?

I really hope that one day that young woman meets people who sit her down and say "It wasn't your fault - it's in the job description of teenagers to buck parental authority and push against boundaries. Nothing you could have done was an invitation to rape, because there is no such thing as an invitation to rape. Rape is something evil men who hate women choose to do to women, not something women bring upon themselves. The fault likes entirely with the evil men who decided to rape you."

It's better they reveal themselves as fuckwits immediately than that one should mistakenly be nice to them because one is well brought up.

"Surely we are allowed to choose a male advocate because..."

Another moment LordC. Bloody hell, do these people just not have that little filter in their head that goes "Yes, do say this, no don't say that..."??? Fuck me...

Time Magazine has issued an apology for including "feminist" on its list of proposed banned words.

www.salon.com/2014/11/17/time_apologizes_for_suggesting_ban_on_the_word_feminist/

It wasn't bad at all lordc - it was well done for what it was (was computer-based, I have in-person training next year). but I was interested in the focus, and they couldn't place emphasis on one type of discrimination over another of course.

We had quite a good E&D training, but it's the questions people asked that really scared me: "Surely we are allowed to choose a male advocate because generally men have more gravitas and the jury would be more convinced so that's the best choice for the client", etc. Luckily the trainer made it quite clear what's what...

I only recently out my foot down properly re being default female (read: dogsbody) when my mum isn't there and we're visiting my parents

I had to do equality and diversity training at work today. It was interesting. V little time on sex discrimination compared to all other types of discrimination

When I was a teenager, my mom asked me to start helping with the housework. I said I would only do it if my brother did, too. She gave up (apparently asking my brother to do housework would just be too much for her) but when my parents went on weekends away we were both supposed to keep the house tidy. My brother would do his share of the work really sloppily, and I would have to go after him fixing things. His plan, obviously, was to get me to the point of exasperation where I would just do everything myself. Unluckily for him, I soon cottoned in on his strategy and left his sloppy work there for my parents to see when they returned. He learnt the lesson quickly.

I know. Never ceases to amaze me "I left him written instructions on how to use the washing machine and prepare lunch and the house is still a tip, no washing and the kids have had takeaway every day."

I'm never sure what to be more go smacked at - the woman actually writing down this kind if instruction or the man's incompetence.

Oh FFS, not one but two "poor useless menz just don't know what to do with a child/household appliance unless you constantly spell it out in words of one syllable or less" threads on the go.

So fucking insulting to men and women.

Perhaps not. But a man with a platform to speak to the country on sky - I think I have a right to expect Sky to exclude such people if hey are so disrespectful.

If this was football, the world would be up in arms.

you, not your.

Indeed but your can't expect respect from a man who has a five minute shag in a broom cupboard with a stranger can you?

Hi all. Things move fast - I wonder off to do things in RL for a few days and come back to find the old pub is closed and we're well into a new one already. Zazzles - that sounds awful. I would still be inclined to at least gently flag to HR, but I know how hard that could be on a contract.

Did anyone watch the tennis yesterday? As the spontaneous doubles were starting (to replace Federer), they introduced Boris Becker as a commentator. Someone said to him, "so, do we call this battle of the legends?" and his response, "let's call it the ladies doubles."

Honestly, the best way he can come up with to make a "friendly" insult to his tennis colleagues is to call them ladies? On national TV? It made me so cross.

I don't even want clothes... Am I a failure as a woman?

Hopefully at some point these arseholes will realise what aresholes they are.

Oh, they will... I fully intend to give them my 'Behaviour Modification Training Process', aka 'Zazzles' Sharp Tongue'

Hello kim and good luck!
Belated birthday annie - hope you had a good one.

I am also asking for guilt-free spending on clothes for Xmas.

I've asked for edibles. :)

The problem is that people like to give, I think. There are worse problems in the world. :)

Zazzles Hopefully at some point these arseholes will realise what aresholes they are.

Zazzles, no idea how to deal with that.

Lord C, why not get an Oxfam goat and name it the Bluestocking?
DH and I have given up buying gifts for each other. Instead we have given ourselves permission to buy clothes or entertainment stuff without guilt. It is easier to give up gifts than guilt.

The problem is LordC I have only been there 2 months, and am on a contract that is due to finish mid-May 2015. At this point, I don't think I have the weight of senior management behind me. It would be different if I had 5 or more years tenure in this company - I would be off to HR or his manager like a shot.

The other problem is that I suspect that I am in a company which has plenty of Sexist/Misogynistic Abusive Dicks in it (ie most of the male managers to one extent or another), and I will be seen as the 'trouble maker' if I start on this one guy. It is better if I deal with him personally, and when I can get in a "Do not cross this boundary" type of comment. As it is, when I need answers from the Bully Male Manager Who is Also an Abusive Dick, he jumps to my tune

Gender crime? Crime against gender equality.