Feminist Pub 14: The Bluestocking, a place for feminist chat and feminists to chat

It's not quite narcissism. She's incredibly sensitive (almost overly so) and I think 'needs me to need her' IYSWIM. Mostly it washes over me but today it's annoying.

A much closer friend took her own life a few years ago, and DM wept copiously over the phone. She'd hated my friend and was barely on civil terms with her. Much grief tourism abounded at the time...

grief voyeurism?

Yes Buffy that works but am thinking like "grief tourism" but it's not

I am avoiding the anti feminist stuff and the rape threads as my blood pressure would not stand it.

Balls - that's crap - I had a friend who I ditched because she was doing that re my mum - making it all about her - there's a name for it but I forget.

and

Can I please come in here and have a mini-rant?

[rant]
It's been a shit week. A friend died of cancer, and I'm still waiting for test results that may be life-changing or... not. I texted another friend about the death and she was in tears (despite not knowing my friend). She's hounding me for test results - last time we spoke she told me she 'was worried about me'. I've realised that she has a way of subtly making my shit all about her, and today it's giving me the rage. She's a close friend and I don't know how to nicely tell her to FTFO off with her dramatic worrying about me - if she's worried about me I don't want to hear about it. And right now I may just bite her head off.

[/rant]

[tea] and all round. And massive for everyone dealing with the anti-feminist and victim blamey stuff that's prevalent here at the mo.

Annie - I ate a starter, main course AND CHIPS AND A DESSERT.

Fuck it, it's only one day, start again tomorrow?

omfg just omfg

He's a friend of a friend - we had met in a bar a few weeks ago and texted a time or two. He had heard from his mate that I was having a bad day or three and had texted. to see if there was anything he could do.

So we ended up going for lunch today.

He's beaut. Tall. And I like them tall. Doesn't matter when he's on his knees, obv, but I like them tall. he's 6ft5 fucking hell I'm 5ft2 He's got salt and pepper hair, nicely chunky proper broad shoulders.

He didn't twing any of my "dickhead" alerts and yes I snogged him

Nooooo Annie, you can't hide away. I went and admitted that on the ONE day I wasn't doing to eat chocolate, I ate chocolate!

Ooh Frau interesting! Details?

I have a weight-loss support thread going, Petula. Which I am ignoring since I have inhaled many cakes today.

what is annie's thread?

it's not even personally triggering for me as i have no direct personal experience of actual rape, i just get terribly upset, which is why i feel i'm letting the side down, because there are plenty of women for whom it is personally triggering and i'm not there for them right now

I had my wobble yesterday and am up for the argument again now too. Katee I complained on Zazzle's principle that they assume every complaint equals nine more dissatisfied people - haven't even had a non reply yet though.

I agree too. I have had it up to fucking here with victim blaming and also the feminist hate. Might limit myself to the pub and Annie's thread for a while.

No you're not Petula. No one in their right mind would say you have to engage with these idiots at the expense of your own wellbeing. I get plenty of days where I'm just not up to the fight.

I have checked out of the rape threads as just too upsetting. I know I'm letting the side down though

Did anyone else complain to the BBC about Nick Conrad and get a complete non-apology about it? I nearly applied for a job in their complaints department recently. Glad I didn't bother, I don't think I could live with myself peddling such nonsense.

That's really good news Cailin, that he's given his head a solid wobble. I hope he sees it as a starting point for him to become less of a twat.

Cor lummey, there's a lot of rape apology going on, isn't there? I'm amazed they want to 'speak their truth' in such a vile fashion....

He is definitely willing EE, but it's a tough struggle and I'm not sure we'll make it as a couple.

Thank you and thank you also for your brilliance

I'm pleased to hear your update cailindana, it sounds like your DH is willing to try, which is so important. Also to you for being so brilliant on the rape apology thread.

Yes he is Zazzles. He is finding it hard to square his sexist attitudes and his shit actions as a partner with his previous idea of himself as a good man and a decent husband.
He is being very accepting of my criticisms of his behaviour but it's tough going for him, obviously, as, like you say, it's very very difficult to confront negative things about yourself, it's far easier to believe a lie.