Feminist Pub 14: The Bluestocking, a place for feminist chat and feminists to chat

It's my go to quotation in times of trouble. I have a thing about mystical anchorites

Lovely quotation, puffins.

Good luck Annie.

All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.

Good luck, annie!

It will be fine. It will.

Someone pour me a stiff one. I'm printing things out and getting my paperwork in order before I head off to London tomorrow morning. My viva is on Tuesday morning, and even though I live in easily commutable distance I have decided to cloister myself in a Traveldodgy for the day before.

I am beginning to shit bricks. The big grey breeze-block kind.

Hello All.

More abusive arsehole men who are being divorced. Good for your friend Annie in protecting herself and her DC. for the arsehole XH.

And not surprised at the abusive emails sent to your friend Sabrina. Through recent events, I have come to conclusion that men simply hate to feel they are 'losing' against a woman, and will do anything and everything (including physical violence and breaking the law, if you hang around the relationships board) to reassert their 'dominance'. Talk about control freakery!

Funnily enough, Annie, my friend's shit-xh went to a solicitor and threatened her with 'court' and a 'contact order'. She says, yeah - bring it on (but obvs not in those exact words!). Because she knows she's being reasonable - and he's an abusive arse. And she has all the vile, threatening e-mails he's sent her. She has never been anything other than polite and accommodating about his contact.

Strangely, his emails have been a lot more polite since he consulted a solicitor. Oh, and he's not taking her to court anymore. Arse.

Hello! Lots of posts! Happy birthday buffy! Been out and about. Will catch up later.

She did have some kind of order or another against him last time he was arrested - he wasn't allowed back near the house and has been at his mum's ever since, I think it was a condition of bail. But he seems to be allowed back in again now. I also don't know about legal aid, but she definitely has a solicitor.

Mostly she can see right through his BS and thinks it's more annoying than anything else, but I know she's (quite rightly) raging that he brings the boys into it.

Oh, your poor friend and her DCs, Annie

Hope things work out very soon for her, has she thought of a non-molestation order? If the police have had to be called, she can show a history of DV and might even be one of the lucky (?) ones who can get legal aid?

That's exactly what it is, Sabrina Of Many Ns. He will of course now bitch and whine that she's denying contact. And in the meantime, it's his poor gorgeous boys who are caught in the middle. He's such an arse. I was delighted when she kicked him out, not least because I didn't have to be polite to him any more. I've always hated him. He's one of those people with such tiny self-esteem that they spend all their time trying to make other people feel small so that they can feel bigger. He was always emotionally and verbally abusive, but did resort to physical violence when she kicked him out. She's had him arrested twice.

She's still in the family home, but it's on the market. She's sad about leaving it but can't afford it herself and he's being an arse (what a surprise) about paying the mortgage etc. And he's still on the deeds, which makes him think he's entitled to come in any time to push her around. She's looking forward to getting her own place where he doesn't have any kind of ownership over it. I can't wait until she's free of him properly.

Annie, your friend is doing the right thing - and if the shit-xh is anything like my friends shit-xh (who is going through a similar scenario) he will now accuse her of denying him contact. He got nowhere of course - because she's made it clear that he can have contact - just not on his (ridiculously unreasonable) terms.

It is bullying plain and simple, and wanting to re-assert his dominance.

Annie that sounds utterly shit for your friend. I'm glad she's divorcing him. He sounds like a complete twat. You sound like a very good friend.

Happy birthday buffy I think you've had had enough now so I shall bring

Hey Buffy, that's a lot of cake you've got now. I hope you're sharing with everyone in the pub!

Happy birthday Buffy

Happy birthday Buffy

Aaaanyway, this morning I am looking after a friend's two DSs. They're teh same age as my two and good friends, but my two are out at Sunday school. So why are they coming over? Well, she needs to go out to work. And normally they go to their dad's on a Sunday. But their dad is an abusive, bullying arse who my friend in sensibly in the middle of divorcing. And he is making it all as difficult and unpleasant for her as he can, because he's a bullying abusive wanker.

Every Sunday, he would bully his way into the house when picking up the kids, and either steal stuff, break stuff or go through her paperwork. So she starting taking the DSs to her friend's houses and he had to pick them up from there. But now he's insisting that he can only do contact in her house (he's living with his mum). She said no, obviously. He won't change his mind because to a wanker like him, using your kids as a tool to bully your ex is perfectly acceptable behaviour.

So she's dropping them round here and he won't get any contact today. She usually leaves them with other friends so I don't know if he'll think to look for them here. I hope not, I have work to do and don't need to be dealing with his BS today.

Happy Birthday Buffy! 21 again?

Happy birthday Buffy

Happy Birthday Buffy!

I am impressed with the level of dedication at wishing Buffy happy birthday at the crack of midnight! I am positively tardy, but a most happy birthday to you, awesome Buffy. (my autocorrect wants to call you Buffet)