Girls beating up boys

Sanity Like I say, she wrote almost word for word what I would have written had she not got there first.

So if I had got there first and it was now my post being cited as being offensive here's my thought process.

First part
"Is this like a fetish thing OP? Do you want me to put on some heels and step on your balls?"
Calling out the OP foir having a sex based motivation for posting.

Second part is two fold
"Because I doubt you have that kind of money"
Because no money in the world would make me consent to any form of sex act with you.

"Because that's not what we do here."
Because it's the wrong place for that kind of post.

I'd have pointed out the heels and balls thing to amke it clear what kind of motivation I thought the OP had, it's actually fairly redundant given the first sentence, but it's just a clarification.

Yes, Wildlings. I also made the point about "Cancha take a joke?" earlier.

Yes, I understand there are all sorts of reasons why AsAMan may not have come back onto the thread. I just don't understand why so many posters are so sure of what she meant, and feel entitled to speak for her.

It's also an interesting derail because Frau's response to the comment reminds me so much of people's (especially men's) responses to a sexist joke being picked up on in the seventies. Ie, 'I didn't mean anything by it, I didn't mean it like that, It wasn't about you, Stop being so over sensitive'

Of course Frau knows that the posters wasn't referring to her directly, of course Frau understands that the poster wasn't actually entering into negotiations. I suspect that she even knows that it was nothing personal.

But perhaps it helps to understand her post to realise that there have been a lot of thread about Dom stereotypes lately and that she is just a bit fed up of them. The straw that broke the camel's back.

From this thread, and another about this topic earlier in the week, I've really stopped to think.

That's not true, Bella. AsAMan described an act popularly portrayed as a BDSM act, then said "You can't afford it." This implied that BDSM was "more expensive" than other sex acts.

I have never thought about this before today, but I am not so closed minded as to think there is no more to learn.

Agree, messy.

Asaman is a woman.

Her post was at 0122 - she may not have logged on yet this morning, or she may not be in a UK time zone!

Thank you Messy for finding something interesting in the derail. It's very true.

messy That's a good point about language. I have known a few women who've been approached by flashers and have pulled the line about not being able to see the penis as it's so small. It's not an exactly progressive response, but it is in their language.

What exactly are you trying to infer about me, Seven?

Also it's a learning point Frau that when you get girls day this to men who approach them on the street, it does not mean that the girls are prostitutes.

Additionally it's a learning point for me as I had literally no idea that anyone, and especially other women, would take it that way. We've got a long struggle ahead in protecting children if this is the case.

Frau She didn't say, "you can't afford me coz it's BDSSM", she said "you can't afford me". It's only you that's made it about that.

You think if it had been a different subject she'd have said "oh go ahead, as long as it isn't BDSM then spunk all over me baby"?

Frau, I must say that this is a really interesting derail, and far more interesting than the OP's lacklustre attempt to wind us up.

It is interesting because you've raised an excellent point which is: in order to fight back at the patriarchy we often use the language of the patriarchy.

When I was younger my standard response to creepy harrassers was "you couldn't afford it" or I would look them up and down and give a snooty "as if!" Now, nothing is further from my worldview than the idea that women should be the gatekeepers to sex (as you've also pointed out) or the idea that I would judge a potential partner down for his unattractiveness, so why did I respond in that way?

The answer is that it is the only way they understand. Imagine if I had engaged with said creepy harrasser about why he felt "entitled" to say such things to women on the street, why he didn't think women had the same "right" as men to walk in public unharrassed, and used the language of feminism to fight back? He would have been to say the least and the truth is back then I didn't have the language to properly articulate such thoughts.

Because when you are girls brought up in the patriarchy you only have the language of the patriarchy to fight back. Until you find feminism but then of course creepy harrasser guys wouldn't know what that was if it bit them on the arse!

Thanks for such an interesting derail and I hope that made sense.

Sanity I assume she has off board stuff to do. Not that unusual.

I'm defending her as she wrote the exact same post I'd have written if she hadn't got there first tbh. So think chances are we have similar thought processes on what that phrase means.

Frau

Asaman was not actually trying to enter into negotiations with the op over how much he would pay for her to stamp on his balls.

I can see there have been some mind-bending misunderstandings here but I how that clears it up a bit.

I don't think anyone else on the thread realised that asaman's post would be taken like that, hence the confusion.

So why not say "not for all the tea in china" then? Why say "you can't afford me coz it's BDSSM"?

Quite. Where is AsAMan? Why are so many posters defending him/her? Why has s/he not come on to expand or apologise? Why do lots of posters seem to know exactly what s/he meant, when s/he hasn't posted since that first time?

How about "not even if you gave me a unicorn shitting rainbows"?

Absolutely - but that then leads to a discussion on perceptions on this board, and how newbies (like me) are treated.

I am as feminist as I can be - I never took my husband's name when I was married, I never wore a ring, my kids have his name because it's a nicer name than my surname, but they all have middle names that reflect my identity (not double barrelled because it wouldn't have worked) and I'm a dominant woman - I don't get paid for it, and yes, I hit men sometimes. For fun and with their total consent. I don't engage in risky practices like putting on a pair of heels and stepping on their balls, and if someone posts that I'm going to call it, because that's the realms of porn movies and not safe.

Frau, honestly, no one has told you that you shouldn't be posting here.

I think that's an interesting point about the "you couldn't afford me" thing - I've always read it as a variant of "not for all the tea in china" ie "I don't want to do that and there's no incentive in the world big enough to get me to do it"

No

No one perceives that girls saying "you can't afford it" and then walking off laughing to creepy men who accosts then on the street, are opening negotiations for paid sex.

Anyone who thinks that had something very wrong with them. Are you serious here. Why are you saying such disturbing things, I don't understand.

Girls have enough trouble getting people to listen about stuff without this sort of thing being put about. This was the whole problem in Rotherham want it.

"and tell me I shouldn't be posting here"

I've missed that, who told you that??

Frau If AsAMan comes back and agrees that she meant it in a "not enough money in the world" type comment, will that reassure you that it wasn't a judgement on your preferences?

Wouldn't the good faith thing for others not to jump all over me and tell me I shouldn't be posting here?

FrauHelga: I get that you feel attacked, but you seem to have assumed the worst possible interpretation of AsAMan's post. Wouldn't the good faith thing be to ask for clarification to see if AsAMan really meant what you think she meant, or if actually she meant the comment differently to the way you're interpreting it?