Girls beating up boys

Seven, i think men on the street who say sexually explicit things to girls are trying to make them feel uncomfortable, to give themselves a sense of power. I think it's less likely that they are actually expecting to have sex with them.

I haven't referenced cat calling. Must be someone else.

If saying "You can't afford it" gives a teenage girl a sense of power back, then fine. But so would "Fuck off, creep", which is less loaded with the language of patriarchy.

I never would use the phrase "you can't afford me" because it implies that some men could and that I have a price.

I prefer the other alternatives suggested.

Ah right. Okay then, Seven. Well, my perception is different, and I'd rather my DD used a stock phrase that wasn't open to such misinterpretation - and I think she has found a good answer.

Interestingly, she and her friends don't use "you can't afford me" as a stock answer. Unless, of course, she's lying to me.

No they don't frau. In my experience. Because the men and the girls know it means get stuffed. It is used in "safe" situations where there is more than one girl and the girls walk off laughing.

Gaaaah! Why are we even discussing teenage girls? FrauHelga asked AsAMan, who, as I understand it, is a grown woman posting on the Internet, to consider her language.

sanity. What? What do you think men who go up to girls and say things that warrant the response " you can't afford it mate" are trying to do?

I don't understand the references to cat calling either.

Where I Am from this is said by girls to men who approach them and say sexually explicit things / proposition them.

And that's the only context it makes sense anyway. It's a response to a question, whether that question was explicit or implied.

Of course the problem is with the men. I don't particularly like the insinuation that I am victim blaming, I said I don't like saying to men "you can't afford me"

Seven then asked what would you say then, I answered.

Simple as that.

I'll leave you all get on with arguing in circles.

"I bet you'd love to suck me off"

"You can't afford it"

Which then leads to a "how much" because if they're that much of an arse to approach a girl in the street then that's where they'll go with it.

Sorry, Seven, I thought you were coming at it from the attitude that men on the street were not trying to get into the girls' knickers, but "just" making creepy comments.

If someone is actually trying to get into a girl's knickers, and a simple, "leave me alone" is not sufficient, then, I suggest "I will call the police" may suffice.

But if we are talking about creepy "banter", it doesn't hurt to have a few stock phrases. And as they are stock phrases, we should perhaps consider their meaning before using them.

a man walks up to a 14 year old in the street and says "I bet you'd love to suck me off".

How about we critique his language?

The problem is the MEN. The girls are doing nothing wrong.

I couldn't agree more.

The girls are not doing anything wrong. But there may be a better way for them to express their sentiments than "you can't afford it" which implies that someone can.

I didn't say to parrot that Seven, I said that is the message that is needed to get across.

It's a different message than "you can't afford it"

Well, NotDavidTennant, that's exactly how I perceived AsAMans post to be.

And yes, the assumption that has pervaded this site in the last week or so that every dominant woman has to be getting paid for it is fucking offensive to me.

All a matter of interpretation really, isn't it?

Am I The only one here who has a serious problem with the idea of critiquing the language used by girls when they are propositioned on the street?

This thread is utterly weird.

The problem is the MEN. The girls are doing nothing wrong.

FrauHelga: Your first post on this thread seemed quite aggressive to me, especially ending it with "it fucking well is offensive".

It seems odd that you would challenge AsAMan in such a robust manner, but then complain when other people challenge you that you are being "shot down".

And we still don't even know for sure what AsAMan really meant.

No, Seven, if they are being cat called in the street, they say things like "yeah, like you're so sexy" with an eyebrow lift and a fuck off drawl.

But most teenagers don't say things like " I don't want to engage with you" that isn't how they use language.

You need to be realistic with what they will or they won't do, for them to take on board what you are telling them.

DD1 has just been on a French exchange, messy. The French students find it hilarious that they would say fuck if they dropped something, whereas for them, the correct response would be "putain" which, of course, translates as "whore".

Seven you said "how should girls deal with creepy men then"

Which is what we are discussing.

DD's "yeah like you're so sexy" seems to have worked ok for her so far. It's empowering her and belittling the males, who are the ones who are doing the harassing.

And we do talk about this kind of stuff and I am aware she has been cat called.

The idea of finding "better language" for girls to use when adult men are trying to get into their knickers is just alien to me.

I will be telling my children that they don't have to watch their p's and q's when dealing with scum like that.

I only mentioned work as it was in some HR guidelines.

That is what whatever you say is intended to get across to the man anyway. Go away I do not want to engage with you.

Obviously you would also tell a teenager as well as a work colleague to report it as soon as possible, but when you are in that situation it might be a useful thing to say, that's all.

Me too Jassy . God you lot are a like an elastic band, pulling me back ....

No one is critiquing the girls behaviour, not one person.

I thought we were having a discussion about what would be a good thing to do in the event you are in a situation with a mans unwanted attentions.