Lurkers ahoy! Friendly thread to dip your toe in the murky seas of feminism

Hello. Serial lurker and occasional poster here. I tend to join in more on threads about minge waxing my areas of expertise, but I've been reading loads and my consciousness is being raised like a bastard.

I think people do have a tendency to take these issues very personally. On the Ms/Mrs and name changing threads in particular, posters seemed to feel personally attacked if anyone suggested that choices like theirs were influenced by patriarchy, or helped perpetuate it. It actually reminded me of breastfeeding discussions, where some women seem to feel its a personal attack on their choices if the benefits of breastfeeding are mentioned.

Can we blame the patriarchy? The issues women have trouble not taking personally seem to be the same one's that society uses to judge our worth and identity (marriage, motherhood, etc.)

QisforQcumber I've been reading some bell hooks recently (Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center) which is written accessibly but I've found challenges some of my assumptions and is generally really interesting. In light of other threads about FWR, I think this quote is quite apt:

'If women always seek to avoid confrontation, to always be "safe", we may never experience any revolutionary change, any transformation, individually or collectively.'

I love the rantiness on FWR! Its so refreshing. The rest of the time we're supposed to sit back and shut up and be nice and cater to everyone else's needs first. FWR feels like an emotional safety valve, even though I'm primarily a lurker.

Absolutely agree River. Personal attacks aren't necessary.

But some people do have a bit of a tendency all over MN to think things are personally directed at them when it's really not personal.

I don't know what the answer is, I know we all have our own sensitivities and I guess FWR touches on more than most other boards since we're mostly women and all of us know some men.

I think it's fine to be ranty passionately vocal about the injustices and inequalities in a system, and to flag up and highlight issues that some might prefer went unnoticed. I'm an environmentalist, campaigner for children's rights and also involved with inclusion in schools.
It's when the polemic is directed, or perceived to be directed at an individual rather than the system that many become defensive and aggressive in return. If women think they are being attacked and accused on a board, why would they continue to post there? Even if they were mistaken in how they felt and the ranty poster had no idea of how they were being received?
Bit like the fury that parents are capable of when they feel that teachers are criticising their parenting.

Thank you Buffy and the kindle edition is only £2.56! Bargain Braaaiiiinnn food.

I have a question. On "that thread" the problem of FWR being ranty kept coming up.

I am very cross about the fact that the world discriminates against me due to my lack of willy. Surely being ranty is a very sensible response? I don't recall any social change movement in history being about nice chitchat and cups of tea?

It feels like the accusations I get at work about being "too emotional" when actually I just give a shit and am passionate about something.

Do we have to be "nice"?

I lurk a lot more than I post but I am very interested in feminism and do read these boards daily. I certainly did not identify with the comments on the AIBU thread.

I know I should post more but you know when you get a text and you think through what you will reply and then hours later realise you haven't replied? I do that a lot here!

This thread looks like it was made for me. I'm Q and I'm in my very late twenties and whilst I'm sure I have always identified as feminist its only been in the last 2 years or so I have really embraced my feminism and I have been confident enough to state happily "I am a feminist and I don't care for your casual misogyny".

OK, so I've read The Female Eunuch and Wifework. Both made me laugh and cry in equal measure . I'm looking for new reading material to enhance my knowledge of feminist theory.

I've been lurking here for a few months now, but I'm still at the realising how misogynistic the world is and don't feel ready to comment yet.

I look at all of my past relationships and just feel so bloody cross about it all.

Hello.

I lurk more I than I post in FWR, but tbh I do that on most of the MN boards these days. (Have been here a long time so it can all get a bit cyclical). I don't feel intimidated here but I remember feeling nervous of posting way back when I joined so I can understand why some posters are nervous.

I looked at the other thread and felt sad that it was all going a bit tits up, as I do think FWR is a welcoming place. I particularly like the positive threads like feministy things

Just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread cailin

I do lurk quite a bit on FWR but don't often contribute.

Imho that thread in aibu has probably put even more people off coming in here. I do hope it's not the case as i have learnt a lot and the more people that come in whatever their views may be is surely a good thing and will provide more interesting debate.

Anyway I only really got interested in feminism when (simultaneously) i was the victim of some severe and shocking sexist behaviour at work and i had my DD.

Anyhoo, hello and thank you for this nice friendly thread!