Woman receives rape threats after recording sexual harassment walking New York streets

Seen the video and I thought, we have all experienced that, but watching a video made me feel even more angry and disgusted. And scared when the idiot kept walking alongside her.

The threats are absolutely beyond the pail, but I'm a country kid. If someone speaks to me, I nod, I smile, I go on my way. I don't think of it as haressment.

Nobody is saying that men should not approach women ever. The simple key word is to do it with respect. Don't hassle, take account of verbal and non verbal cues and most of all don't be a dick.. Interaction between the sexes should be mutually fun and welcomed, it makes the world go round after all.

I think there needs to be a seperaration of two points here. First off I think people are always going to meet in passing, and I don't think every time a guy strikes up a conversation with a woman he doesn't know he is being entitled, and also believe it or not women are perfectly capable of approaching men and striking up a conversation, such has happened to me many times.

That said this video highlights a major problem, the woman in question was not telegraphing in any way shape or form a desire to socialise or communicate. Reading her body language she had the look of a person who was simply trying to get from A to B through the medium of walking! Her being beautiful was beside the point, and it looked to me like she was just wearing comfortable clothes.

Another point that I think is indefensible are that the comments were exclusively directed at her appearance. I am struggling to think of many occasions where women have approached me and blurted out anything overtly sexual or objectifying like that, and she had what 100 instances in 10 hours? That's like one every six minutes, and I think that would be enough to piss me off immensely. Especially if I was just happy in my own headspace trying to get somewhere.

@Cherrypi - as an American living in London, I thought I'd wade in on this. It is absolutely the same in London as it is in New York. As it is EVERYWHERE, which the Everyday Sexism project has highlighted (although definitely worse in some countries than in others). This is a global problem and the fact that so many people's first reaction is 'oh does this happen here?' is, to me, infuriating, and diminishes the issue. That is not the question people should be asking!

Just FYI - the question should be: 'why does society think it is OK for men to harass and intimidate women in the street?'...!!! Some really great posts above to get started on answering that.

It is their right to speak to attractive women after all.

That seems to be the key to it. If she had actually responded to each remark she would have spent half her day interacting with strangers - why the fuck should she? She's walking down a street, she's busy with her own thoughts, why does she need to break off constantly to deal with strangers who appear to have nothing interesting to say?

Her time isn't valuable, because her job is to respond to men who find her attractive.

Worldgonecrazy has nearly got it bang on. I was alone, her and her friend did give each other a few looks when I offered the number, but the friend nodded. It was more of a lunchtime coffee situation. We talked for 45 seconds at most.

I did also mention I worked at the police station (which by no accident we were stood outside of) furthermore trying make her feel that I'm a normal non crazy guy.

If these men shout 'Damn!', 'nice ass!' etc etc etc to passing men as well as women, I think we could class them as outgoing, just passing the time of day and so on. If not, I think we have to find another word for it.

I also think the fact she was with a friend changes the dynamics of the situation.

I suspect that you also did subconsciously weigh up the situation, look at body language and think it was probably OK to approach her, Mengog. However, I won't be recommending it to my sons .

And yes worldgonecrazy those men don't care how the women they are intimidating, feel. And I think they use the excuses of the woman being attractive etc to justify their actions. It is their right to speak to attractive women after all. Because women are here to be attractive to men.

I'm going to stop now. I could rant about this for hours and hours and my blood pressure is beginning to soar!

My husband said she wouldn't be hassled as many times in London as Americans are more outgoing. What do you think?

Is there anything about Mengog's assessment of the situation - daylight, busy street, his ex with a friend, him alone (guessing here tbf) that suggests that he was empathetic in this situation? Or is this always, always a bad idea regardless?

I am asking because I have been married for many years, and am no longer aware of social conventions re approaching someone in these circumstances.

Sorry -X post

Mengog hasn't said how he approached her.

An apologetic "I'm really sorry and I feel a bit odd doing this, but I think you're beautiful and here's my number if you want to meet for a drink, please don't be weirded out" said in a goofy way with apologetic body language is very different from a "Hey babe, you're gorgeous, here's my number, let's make out sometime."

Mengog actually seems to be coming from a different place. The men in the video are intimidating women because they can and because they want to intimidate women, not because they think the woman is attractive and a potential mate or date, because that modus operandii obviously is not going to entice any woman to want to spend time with them.

True Scallop they don't - but this one did.

I had no idea what she wanted. True. I'm glad I went and spoke to her though. Good things came from it.

I probably wouldn't do it again. Happily married now, so unlikely in any event.

Also I did instantly acknowledge the social awkwardness of the whole thing. It was quite cheesy but she said I came across as sincere and sweet. I think it's different to shouting "nice ass".

Yes NoJacket, it would be weird. And potentially extremely dangerous.

What she wanted didn't really come into it though, did it Mengog?

Relationships don't have to start by interrupting strangers on the street going about their daily business.

She said she would never have approached me due to fear of rejection and it being a bit weird.

Do people here think it's weird for women to approach men in the way that Mengog approached his ex?

Sorry Mengog, that's not a cool thing to do. I mean, it's not sex crime of the century, and as luck has it it (sort of) had a happy ending, but more often than not what you did would come across as threatening. Would you do it again?

*and however

I live in the country so it is totally normal to say hello to strangers male or female, if you are the only people there.

It's not the same as saying hello to someone you have seen around quite a few times, which can be neighbourly/friendly etc
It's not the same as trying to get chatting to women in an urban area either. You aren't likely to see them again, you don't know anything about them (bar their looks) you are presuming that your abs whoever many other men's mightaswellhaveatry is more important than her need to just get where she is going. It's a repeated demand on her time that men don't have to deal with.

Also add I would not have approached her if she was alone at night. The day I did speak to her she was with a friend, which I think helped, as they both found it a bit funny.

To clarify we were together 3 years and it didn't work out.

In relation to my initial interaction, she was quite surprised when I spoke to her and little wary. The major plus points were I came across as friendly and she found me attractive.

She said she would never have approached me due to fear of rejection and it being a bit weird.

Yes Scallop I spoke to her because I wanted to. I thought she was stunning and I thought why not. Every relationship starts somewhere.

Surely Schroedinger's rapist fits here?

Can't link, sorry, various devices being ridiculous today.

That's a bit harsh isn't it, grimble? We don't really have any background here.

Mengog: you say she's an ex. Perhaps that is telling us something…..