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Original poster

Discussion with female friend re Ched

187 replies

HenriettaTurkey · 26/10/2014 10:53

So I posted an article on fb, with a link to an article on Ched Evans and the myth of male sexuality.

With it I wrote 'it's very simple. If she's drunk and you have sex with her, it's rape. That's the law'.

Several friends responded positively, saying such things as 'if in doubt assume the answer's no', 'it would be easier to move on if he at least acknowledged his act' etc

Then a female friend came on and, through various posts said I was being ridiculous as this meant that no-one could ever have a drink and have sex again.

After banging my head against the wall I realised you lovely folk would be able to help me construct a coherent response that doesn't rely on my usual, possibly unhelpful, sarcasm.

Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
HenriettaTurkey · 26/10/2014 12:22

Firstly, apologies if I'm rehashing another thread - utterly unintentional.

Secondly, yes occasionally my phraseology leaves much to be desired.

I clearly wasn't saying you can't have a drink, and for her to assume I was seems like wilful misunderstanding, which I find slightly (very) depressing.

It's definitely something I need to get my head around.

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 26/10/2014 12:04

"This case was about not giving consent to sex.
She may well have said yes, however the jury agreed that she wasn't in a fit state to give consent. That could be for all manner of reasons and is this case it seemed to be down to alcohol."

At risk of rehashing another thread here, we don't know if this is what the jury thought or if they thought Ched was lying about her saying "yeah" (or both!). The judge drew the lack of capacity conclusion.

Stealthpolarbear · 26/10/2014 11:57

Good post buffy. I think the message is that a lack of non consent is not good enough. Ive had sex loads when I was drunk. My 'consent' came from the fact I was still clearly capable of making decisions, and was enthusiastic.

Username533 · 26/10/2014 11:55

The OP comment is a little too simplistic and can be mis interpreted as from someone who is a rape apologist.

However Smash box's comment is inaccurate.

This case was about not giving consent to sex.
She may well have said yes, however the jury agreed that she wasn't in a fit state to give consent. That could be for all manner of reasons and is this case it seemed to be down to alcohol.

There can sometimes be a grey area regards what actually qualifies as consent. Of course in reality no one asks permission before having sex.

The lesson is that men should be really careful about who they have sex with. If they think there's any doubt with consent then why bother?

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 26/10/2014 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 26/10/2014 11:50

Its not illegal to have a drink and have sex, it is illegal to rape someone who cannot consent because of drinking.

TsukuruTazaki · 26/10/2014 11:46

Tbh as others said you did make a bit of a hash of stating the law.

So we can't really tell if your friend is a rape apologist or just being pedantic about your bad phrasing - hopefully the latter!

MrsRaegan · 26/10/2014 11:38

Your wording was ridiculous. Your friend is right.

It is the lack of consent that makes him (or anyone) a rapist.

Stealthpolarbear · 26/10/2014 11:32

I don't understand. You did in fact say it's rape to have sex with someone who is drunk. You say exactly that in the op.

smashboxmashbox · 26/10/2014 11:29

And it is not the law to have sex with someone who is drunk. If you're going to pontificate on "The Law" you might want to actually know what the fuck you are talking about. Otherwise you just look stupid.

HTH

smashboxmashbox · 26/10/2014 11:28

You are talking shite. The thing that makes it rape is the lack of consent, not the drink.

YonicScrewdriver · 26/10/2014 11:27

It is rape if someone doesn't have the freedom or capacity to consent.

Of course you can have a drink then sex; that's a straw man.

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