I can't unsee what I've seen or unread what I've read and I just feel angry

TentativeFeminist I know how you feel. I remember how clearly I felt when I realised the world was not a nice place. I just write my protest emails and letters and try and make the world a better place if I can by my actions and words. It is very crap and you have my sympathy but there is lots you can do.

Thank you for putting this into words. I've been feeling angry for a while now and have gotten worried that I'll never calm down.

It's ridiculous isn't it? One day you can be walking around vaguely knowing sexism happens, then you open your eyes and see it everywhere. One of the most frustrating things is being made to feel like you're overreacting, or looking to be offended, when really it's just that sexism is constant! Really, really fucking constant.

Also, Zazzles - that cat food advert had me shouting 'It's fucking cat food, what are you doing?!?' every time it was on. Well done for complaining.

Ah OP, we have all been there in one way or another. You eventually come to some sort of acceptance about how the world and society is, and then it is up to you to decide whether you are going to take part in it, and influence it in ways in which you will get a 'win'.

In the 'pub' there was a discussion about accepting the status quo or looking for the situations which you (personally and uniquely) can influence to get the outcome that you want - ie choosing to take on a fight were you can get the result you are looking for, and not those where you cannot get a good outcome.

An example - I posted elsewhere on FWR about a cat food ad, which featured a beautiful, voluptuous woman, and the camera pans upwards, seductively over her curves during the ad. Well, being in the marketing world, and knowing that 1 complaint = 9 others who felt the same way, but did nothing, I emailed the company and complained about the sexist ad. Last night I noticed that they have completely recut the ad to take out the offensive bits. You still see a bit of the seductive woman's cleavage at the end of the ad, but the ad is mostly about the cat in the ad now. I am happy with that.

It gets easier. And then you have rage moments again and then it levels out.

I have found it extremely curtails what I can enjoy watching or reading, which can be annoying or it can be a blessing in some ways - not so much choice! Music, I find it doesn't affect my enjoyment. I can recognise if something is problematic but I was never particularly into artists like Nicki Menaj etc anyway so I don't listen to that and I just enjoy Taylor Swift/Adele while thinking "You girls need the MN relationship board " or "there's my attitude right there from the past" and some male artists while thinking "Wow, insight into the mind of an abuser, much?" although Bruno Mars in particular makes me feel stabby.

The thing that gets me down is that my DH doesn't see it. At all. And sometimes I just feel tired with it and want him to get it and he doesn't. I cried when he tried to show me Scrubs because I wanted to and expected to like it but it was a pile of sexist dross. I used to work in a second hand DVD shop and sometimes restocking/tidying the shelves, I'd do a little mental inventory of the ratio of men on DVD covers compared to women, or films where the main characters didn't need to be male necessarily but overwhelmingly were anyway (The Bucket List, A Beautiful Mind. Can you tell I had this thought process in the B section? ) or films where the main female character wasn't either a mother, girlfriend, or daughter to some important man or highly sexualised. Grim and depressing. But we don't see it.

And yes to realising that it's not going to change in my lifetime. That's annoying. Knowing as well that the only way it's likely to change in my great-granddaughter's lifetime is by more people (women, realistically) engaging in radical activism, but that jarring with my selfish desire to have a somewhat "normal" life, which wins out.

DH called me sexist the other day. I was spitting feathers until I realised that it was because I call out sexism that he doesn't see. Then I just felt a combination of boiling rage and sadness and unenthusiastic acceptance. It's shit. I'd love for him to see a little bit of it, but I'm worried that I turn him off it all the time. He used to tell me with surprise every time he noticed some overt sexism, he hasn't in ages.

I totally get where you're coming from OP.

grimble we've been told that feminism had won, that we had equality, and, if you don't look too hard, it does sort of look like that, just a simple matter of the glass ceiling and all is well. Third wave feminism didn't help either, being the cool girl who loves porn etc Admittedly, you have to squint a bit and put your head on one side not to notice it.

It can be totally overwhelming and the more you know the more outrage there is. Well that is how i find it.

I like this article from the onion Woman takes half hour break form being a feminist

It passes! It turns into quiet resentment rather than outright anger soo enough!

What I find amazing is how it is possible for a women to have reached adulthood before realising these things.

Sorry OP, that is absolutely not a personal dig at you at all. I've genuinely always found it hard to believe that something so blindingly obvious is not apparent to every little girl from early childhood.

I feel the same at the moment. Like I have a bitter taste in my mouth but hardly anyone understands.

I find myself these days in a fairly level state of "bollocks to it", with the regular flash of "what the fuck" interspersed with the occasional white hot anger

it evens out

eventually

You'll get over this phase. It is deeply unpleasant though.

OP I feel the same in so many ways. I sometimes wonder if I would be better off not having woken up to this. Would it be better to go through life wondering why that brilliant point I made in a meeting didn't hit home, or why one of my male colleagues reacted so oddly to being challenged on something, or why I feel such pressure to tend to my appearance? Or is it better to realise that all of these things stem from a deeply unequal society which realistically won't change in my lifetime. I feel quite bitter about some of it...

chin up

Don't be angry with yourself for things you did before - they weren't evil or illegal or anything - so that's a really pointless exercise in self flagellation!

As for the anger- there are loads of real life or online activism things you can get involved with! And plenty of places where you can meet like-minded people for a rant (I tend to come here )

It's not weird at all, honest.

And yes it is tiring noticing all this stuff all the time that pisses you off and is so obviously wrong, with most people around you oblivious to it and baffled if you try to explain...

Still hello, and welcome to feminism

(That was a "you are not alone" post, not a snippy one!)

Welcome to the club

You aren't the first poster to make this kind of post