I can't unsee what I've seen or unread what I've read and I just feel angry

I haven't read the whole thread, but really wanted to say this: Tentative, life is much much better as a feminist. Seriously. You may have lost your love for a few things for a bit, but believe me, your life will be much, much, much richer in the long run. (OMG, I sound like Mystic Meg YKWIM, though - I hope.)

Seriously, there's much more fun to be had.

That's good Lovecat.

I don't always agree with GS but...

Apologies if this has been done before but I saw this cartoon posted on a feminist site on FB and it made me think of this thread :)

www.sinfest.net/view.php?date=2011-10-09

Great posts OP.
I feel like Im starting to have my eyes opened to whats been blindingly obvious all the time- this board has gone a long way in prompting that change so thank you all actually.
The thing I'm constantly noticing (once I started I couldn't stop) was 'ownership' if that's the right word? Male characters in tv and film speaking to other males about whether they are interested in a female character like its solely their decisions who the female (character) should be with.
In starting to challenge my own thoughts and feelings and feel like I need to develop my opinions about so many things I hadn't considered until now.

You know what would be great? A little feministy things (or big things) you can do to help - thread. Let's brainstorm!

I'm going through the whole anger thing again now that I have a daughter. It's like I've started noticing things that I had been maybe subconsciously ignoring or downplaying. Now I'm worried about those things affecting her and I'm angry and I'm scared and I'm frustrated all at the same time.

Me too.

I've stuck with reading Terry Pratchett recently. All film and music just Pisses Me Off.

I had a moment the other day. There was an article on the news about some women fighting to get equal pay and I lost it. I shouted how unfair it was that because one person was born with a willy and the other with tits and a fanny that they should be paid differently for the same work.

It was mostly for the benefit of DFil. He was both shocked and greatly amused at my outburst. He is misogynistic, homophobic and racist and does my head in. Oh and disablist. His next musing was that it is unfair to pay disabled people the same as non disabled people. I gave up at that point, I couldn't really find the words.

I feel similar OP. I've been becoming a bit more aware in the past few years, mainly through reading blogs and Mumsnet. I went to the Feminism in London conference this Saturday, which was really interesting but I came away thinking "but what can I DO". It's hard to see what we can actually do to make a difference. There is such a massive problem and any action seems like it will make such a tiny dent... however, even a tiny dent is better than nothing. There have been big changes in the recent past, it's just that we have such a long way to go before equality that it seems almost impossible.

That's so cool that your DD is so aware! I can see not wanting to spoil things for her, but it's terrific that she's coming to it by herself ... I surely wasn't at all aware of what I was being sold, and my unconscious attachment to the savior-prince idea did not do me any favors later on.

smiley fail - should have been :o

=D Keatsie

DD is actually far more aware of stuff than I ever was at her age - I don't know if that's from me (I try not to bang on about stuff as I don't want to 'ruin' it for her), but she is quite a thoughtful child and often comes out with gems such as 'Why does she want to marry him? He can't even be bothered to go and find her, he sends his butler! And what if the shoe fit someone else first, would he have just married her instead?' (Cinderella) and 'Why would Sleeping Beauty think the Prince would care if her floor was dirty?' (Cif advert) also 'Why are only boys playing with the toy? Lots of girls would like to play with it as well!' (just about every gendered toy advert going).

Bah link fail! Try here

Lovecat and PPs re: movies, conversations like [http://the-toast.net/2014/10/16/fictional-characters-gotten-abortions/ this] can be satisfying. I realize that doesn't make up for it but I do enjoy the voicing of collective outrage/disbelief.

I'm still going through this phase and am wondering if I can ever just enjoy a film/tv show/piece of popular theatre for its own sake ever again... it seems like there's always something that's horrible, sexist bullshit in even the most innocuous thing!

Interesting post OP... I must admit I've only recently started being aware of how ingrained the misogyny is..., I have two daughters and the elder one has just started watching things like Disney films and I'm just so about the story lines. Films I loved as a child I don't want my children watching (yes dear, all that matters is that you're thin and pretty and Prince Charming will come along and sweep you away and all will be well...)

I've no idea what to do about it... Even sodding Peppa Pig is guilty of it. Sigh.

I went through this phase too OP. And I understand how we got to adulthood before reaching this level of awareness - it's like air, it is all around us, always has been and is the norm.

Thank you OP, I'm glad I came across this thread. I've been feeling like this for a while now and it feels really unnerving...just glad there are quite a few of us!

But like you said, once you see things you can't unsee them. The truth is for me I always saw those things and felt unhappy. Feminism just gave me a voice and a language to express that unhappiness. And the knowledge that I wasn't alone.

Same here, except now that my eyes are fully open and I have names for things...they're really open...I see it all, and it's horrible and exhausting. Sexism really is everywhere. Want to relax with some music/film etc? Good luck!

Like a previous poster I've started to really notice song lyrics about relationships. Yes some ladies I just want to show the relationship board. Some, way too many, sound like it's from the mind of an abuser. And probably is. Scary.

Also it's depressing how others just don't see or want to see. I think many are protecting themselves from truly seeing.

I can identify so much with this too OP. I felt exactly the same when I first had my eyes opened to feminism (by this board). I was so angry - I felt like I had been duped all those years into believing I was accepted and important. Then the sudden realisation that it was smoke screen, and that actually when life got a bit tougher (having children) I was suddenly way down in the ranks, made me angry. (And I mean way down below all the men I know, not below my children).

I suddenly felt like I couldn't trust the world, it was a massive light bulb moment.

That anger does calm down, and I feel I am mostly resigned to being treated like a second class citizen now (sadly), although I do have moments of anger, and try to spot and combat sexism when I see it.

I too, like Bertie, have a DH who is totally against the idea of feminism. He sees equality for women, and thinks I am just finding things to whinge about when I point out sexism, or ways my life is now different, that he will never experience for himself. He refused to even consider that male privilege might exist. That is depressing, and has actually made me see our relationship in a different way.
However - I do now hear him correcting some things he hears eg if my DC say something very gender biased, he will correct them, which makes me feel like it's a tiny breakthrough every time.

It shocks me still though how many female friends I have who totally perpetuate the trend for sexism and gender stereotyping. That's why I feel resigned to it. We are in a definite minority.

Sarcasm and lots of eye rolling is what gets me through.

But there are still days when I just want to smash things!

I sometimes feel like I do when I'm giving DS the old "do you think I actually LIKE nagging you to do xyz...? Do you think I WANT to sound like this?!" routine.

But like you said, once you see things you can't unsee them. The truth is for me I always saw those things and felt unhappy. Feminism just gave me a voice and a language to express that unhappiness. And the knowledge that I wasn't alone.

Welcome to the club

Hi. Agree with PPs that the rage does even out. In a way I miss when it was really new and bright and I was just furious so often. (I have found that I like adulthood in general, but one thing I don't like much is how a lot of things have evened out.)

But as the anger evens out, it becomes better fuel for long-term, sustainable feminism, I think: I don't go stomping around all furious anymore, the day is too long and busy and I don't have the energy, but then again I just automatically know all the time what is really going on. Does that makes sense? Once you've seen what you've seen, you're right, you'll never unsee it, but that also means that later you'll be able to clock it and dissect it and file it and choose how to respond without it taking up all your time and wearing you out. You become a little bit professional, skilled, at owning and using your feminism. And that is nice, b/c I care very much about feminism, but feminism is not my paying career or my primary passion -- so it matters a lot that b/c my anger has evened out, has become the basis for reliable knowledge and sustainable action.

And welcome.

'It's fucking cat food, what are you doing?!?'

Me too . Complaints to companies about their advertising do go a long way, if your argument has merit.