Female body hair / husband- help?

And people who mention that beards are acceptable seem to be neglecting the fact that a well maintained beard takes more effort than just shaving. Let's be honest, not many women would fancy a hobo-esque, totally unkempt wildman.

There are many animalistic behaviours that are suppressed due to societal pressure. For example, it's perfectly natural for a middle aged men to find nubile 18yo girls attractive but I'm sure most on here would have a problem with their husbands ogling young girls as they walk down the street.

Beauty standards are present in many animals and change relatively fast in humans. My partner is perfectly entitled to wear a powdered wig and powder his face but he certainly wouldn't be getting any if he did lol.

but has anyone pointed out that most men shave every morning

Really? Of the men I commonly associate with (work and social), only 3 shave every day, the rest either have beards, or do the designer stubble thing.

It's a feminist issue because there are plenty of beardy men images - it really is a free choice, but hairy-legged ladies? They're only just about to show an advert for razors where the woman actually has leg hair, and that's a product designed to remove it!

I've done the same as the OP (actually about 4 years before that) - a couple of weeks ago, I had DP begging, like a 13 year old wanting to be dropped off around the corner from the school, me to shave my legs because we were going to a hotel pool and people he knew would be there. This is a man who has virtually no hair-free part on his body at All

There's nothing wrong with a husband not finding female body hair attractive, and to tell his partner that. There is something wrong with him trying to control what she does with her body however.

Well-respected professionals from surgeons and lawyers to MPs and actors can freely choose whether to remove their facial hair, or keep and maintain it. There are very few jobs in which a man would be considered dirty or unkempt because he had a beard. As a comparison, it just doesn't hold up.

Haven't read the threat - but has anyone pointed out that most men shave every morning? And in many many jobs are expected to. And many women would hate if their husbands had a beard and would not hesitate to tell them?

I am not persuaded hair is necessarily a feminist issue is as simple as first appears.

I know this is really old, but I wanted to chip in with a well done. I feel very similarly, that while I don't feel 100% comfortable in my own skin, no woman will unless some women go out on a limb and say "actually, this is totally normal". The people who responded to your post saying it's not a feminist issue, or that you should just do what's easiest for you have missed the point, either through lack of insight or lack of courage xx

Ah I thought I read that on another thread - oops! Sorry for confusing everyone

Yes, was replying to wolf!

I think Yonic was responding to my comment which was that it's hard for me to understand why some cultural expectations of gender (including both the topic at hand - hair removal - and another example -the toys we give children) seem to be more onerous and rigid than in the past despite women ostensibly having more equality of opportunity in education, careers and rights than we had before (and despite greater acceptance of homosexuality, there still seems to be a lot of worry about boys being feminine or interested in traditionally female pursuits).

I mean we appear to be playing gender all the more when really it ought to matter less.

There is a pink/blue thread on FWR somewhere. I think someone has missposted..

Eh? You've lost me YonicScrewdriver

I think there are cheaper toys and more materials so buying one in blue and one in pink is more affordable.

Plus many more ads etc to be justified by selling more product!

I should say it's at the same time as women being told they already have equality (I don't think we're quite there yet!)

You're really not doing any favours to "feminists" with your condescending attitude ladies. Stop being so angry and aggressive. Cliched as it sounds, women really are their own worst enemy aren't they? When you can't even hold a civilised discussion without the bitchy and patronising remarks when someone disagrees with you.

Really? You are on a thread on a feminist board and you don't see the problem with telling feminists that they should be less angry and aggressive. That they should in effect, act more lady like? That they are doing feminism all wrong? [facepalm] However, we've taken on board your comments and have already got new leadership in place. I hope you'll be more satisfied with feminism discussions in future.

However, you raised an interesting point Fakebook earlier in the thread:
As for women not removing hair 50 years ago...isn't that a bit strange? Women had less rights back then and I would think it was more of a patriarchal society than it is now, yet women are removing body hair more now than back then.

I have wondered this myself, not so much around personal grooming, but about the increase segregation between toys and clothes for girls and boys than there was even 30-40 years ago. There seems to be a huge pressure for even young babies to be easily identified as being male or female. This is happening at the same time as women having equality, and homosexuality being more accepted. And yet, it feels very subversive to give a boy a pink pram/doll/etc. I don't know whether the blue/pink separation it is just a current fashion which will pass, or whether it will get worse and is caused by how pervasive marketing is.

The other interesting point for me was brought up in the discussion with BlueberryWafer and is about why some women on some issues are able to subvert cultural expectations and whether because that is the experience for some women, whether that negates the experience of others that social pressure to conform is very strong. I wonder if the answer to this is that even if women who choose not to remove their body hair, they are still judged by the beauty standard that they are subverting and risk social acceptance by doing so.

It feels similar to the idea that if one woman can make it in a male dominated sector then clearly any woman could and if they don't then it is because they don't want to. Sorry for rambling, I'm thinking out loud.

I don't remove most of my body hair. I tried shaving sometimes as a teenager, but hated the feel of stubble so stopped (so can understand that others liked the feeling of being smooth so carried on). But although I can choose not to remove hair, I do feel self-conscious about it on occasions it is on display. I didn't make a post about whether to remove hair before childbirth (and indeed before having sex the first time), but I did worry about whether I would be judged for not doing so and whether it was expected. I do remove hair from my upper lip and chin because it feels unattractive and unfeminine

I was a bit lost for words put it that way!!

I'm trying to think what it was but it was feminism related and dh caught me out and I was actually like "but.. but... Damn it!"

He looked properly smug too bastard. We need a smug emoticon

Ds2 " I think you are being a bit sexist there mummy"

Genuine out loud snort!

(blueberry, I didn't respond to your PM because it sent it to a name change of mine for some reason! but and to you :)

Rufus that made me chuckle, sorry! I can just imagine you like "but.. but... Damn it!"

Reading back, I think you're probably right, Ferret.

Don't tend to shave my pits over the winter

Was sat with my arms over my head next to ds2 (11) and he said

"You need to shave mummy"

So I thought excellent!!! Now is a good time to talk about feminism, and sexism and society pressures!!! So I said

Me "Why?"

Ds2 " because you have hairy arm pits"

Me " well men have hairy armpits"

Ds2 " well they should shave as well"

Me "but men don't shave, they don't have to"

Ds2 " I think you are being a bit sexist there mummy"

ultimate fail

I think, unfortunately Blueberry, that some of your posts were similar and at a similar time as another poster (although significantly less arsey) and it may have seemed to you that terse replies that were directed at the other poster were actually at you. Which then brought terse actually directed at you replies.

My initial response about smoothness upthread was a direct response to FB but you responded as thought it were to you. Anyway glad you've decided to join the borg though it's never a choice to join the borg

I think it's more that all the attributes we have come to associate with being hairless (smoothness, softness, bareness, cleanness, coolness, freedom etc) have been sold to us so thoroughly by the marketers of depilatory products that we have internalised them as desirable and feminine. It's the "sell the sizzle not the steak" principle of marketing.

Hi Blueberry- yes, I didn't mean to aim it at you as such, just at the general idea that being a fan of smoothness or not appeared to have become quite a key topic for debate in the thread, which seemed silly to me - and thanks for clarifying! I do think that not many women are actively thinking 'oh, must shave as society demands it'- I think it's more complex than that, but no less of an issue for being a complex one!

Disclaimer, have not read all of thread. Irishe and blueberry, found your posts interesting reading.
I dont shave much but when I do it is entirely because I dont want people to stare and judge hairy armpits when wearing sleeveless vests or dresses. Though when I see women with hairy legs or pits I think it looks...nice and I cheer secretly.
My mum never shaved (she has black hair) and never wears makeup. I Guess that paved the way for me too! Mixing up the thread about the cost of being a woman now, but I find natural look the most attractive.