How to be a feminist father ...

By the way, op, the fact that you are modelling staying at home while your wife Is the main breadwinner will have a positive impact itself.

My oh was brought up in that dynamic and, although his dad was not thoughtful or self-reflective as you are (in fact, was a hard-drinking Aussie who had a number of major character flaws), my oh has emerged naturally a feminist. For example, he didn't realise I was listening, but he heard some of his rugby mates belittling female sports commentators and he just pointed out the qualities of the ones he knew and identified their parity with male counterparts, without getting sucked in to rugby banter and without being defensive. He also supports me playing rugby and talks tactics and technique because it's a shared interest; he never patronises our playing strength. Likewise, whereas many men are intimidated by my PhD, he happily supports it and is proud, and comes to me for information on topics he knows are my areas of expertise.

So, in summary, your family dynamic will automatically have a positive impact on your dc. The fact that you are self aware and engaged will then serve to enhance this.

Dagee, while I agree with your post in part about respect, I think a healthier dynamic would be to teach both siblings the value and importance in not interrupting. However, I disagree with the second part about hitting. That is teaching victim blaming; I would argue that it is unhealthy for either gender to learn that.

Make sure your son never interrupts your daughter and never disrespects her. If she ever hits him you need to ask him to think about what he must have done for her to act that way.

Or eyelashes. Had a ridiculous conversation with my 5 year old recently where she thought only females had eyelashes. Had to march her over to her dad .

Particularly if it's one of those books where a cat is depicted as female by having lipstick on.

Dogs and cats are a good place to start with 'she'.

Married – it's actually fun to try it, and to substitute 'her' for 'his' etc when you can.

The first time I remember doing that was at the toddler stage, singing:

Three little monkeys
Jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped her head...

Socialise your own kids that way, small steps. A joy of being a parent.

Thanks Buffy - yes, a useful analogy

Yep, it's socialised in from birth. Give it a go. I don't always remember myself but I guarantee using she even sometimes will still be different to most people your kids encounter.

Sorry - also - can I echo something Yonic said in the very first response to your OP ... always use she/her in contexts where gender isn't clear or defined – not only reading stories with your kids, but in every other aspect of your life.

You'll be amazed by how many people get confused by it, when they wouldn't even notice the use of he/him.

Do you believe men, in general, will read the books suggested?

Rather than worrying too much about that, start with yourself. You've been given some good recommendations, and you're here, participating and thinking about the right thing to do.

Go with the knowledge and motivation you've got for the time being; refine your approach to parenting/partnership through experience, asking others, listening and self-reflection – rather than worrying too much for now about how other men are going to follow you on the righteous path

A lot of people are on Mumsnet for general parenting advice anyway, so if something crops up (e.g.. what do I do when my girls* put Timber on in the car during the school run? Challenge it every time, explaining the disgusting lyrics? Ban it? Suggest an alternative?) then ask about specifics.

And if you're feeling too privileged and want to simulate a little of what it might be like for some out-groups then identify and challenge sexism when you're with (only) male colleagues or friends. By doing so you'd achieve far more than giving them a copy of Feminism for Beginners ever would.

*I do use the phrase 'my girl/s'. Not often, but when they need the comfort and security of it I feel that the positive effects outweigh implied ownership etc, which I can address in other ways.

"It has a bit of a worrying subtext: that men only need bother about women's freedoms when they make a mini woman that they really, really care about."

This was the background for the might or might not be true Jay Z story:
m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1210385

And an academic study re gender pay gap/birth of daughters to CEOs...

m.wsj.com/articles/BL-IMB-1908

I do think it's a bit of a 'reach' to suggest men don't engage with feminism because of a conscious acknowledgement that thy night have to give something up. This conveys a level of selfish complicity doesn't it?

Buffy do you think it's fair to acknowledge that people may only take an interest in something when prompted to do so by something? Many men might be interested in being a decent human being without feeling the need to start reading feminist texts. From my point of view - outwith Married's approach here, it's perfectly reasonable that a man might only come to feminism once the responsibility of being a father to a woman happens.

This is perhaps why there seem to be so men opposed to feminism on this forum and elsewhere; it's not that the majority of men aren't on board generally, it's just that perhaps some men only really engage with it when they see an article that offends them personally for some reason (leaving aside whether they're right to be offended!) and those are the guys that engage.

Thinking aloud somewhat!