Are Feminists Too Nice to Anti-Feminist Women?

54 replies

CKDexterHaven · 06/09/2014 23:42

This post has been inspired by reading some of the non-FWR threads on Mumsnet and by the responses of women to even the mildest hint of feminism on them.

Sometimes, even in feminist spaces, it feels that if you criticise some women and their actions you will be accused of victim-blaming, lacking understanding or divisiveness. But why do we have to be so non-judgemental of women whose choices negatively impact the lives of other women?

I'm not talking here about women who truly have no options but about those women who use the limited options and powers women have in patriarchal society to always prioritise pleasing men over bettering the lives of women. I know all the arguments about women being the victims of socialisation and adopting survival strategies for living under patriarchy but any fight for human rights comes at a personal cost and, I have to say, sometimes I see women who put their own popularity with the power-wielders above fellow women as cowardly and dishonourable.

If we see men as an occupying power and women as an enslaved population, there are some women who compete with other women to become the master's favourite slave and other women who are working to end the slavery. The group of collaborators have decided to make the occupation work for them and will betray, attack and subjugate the resistance group in order to please the masters at any opportunity. If feminists really were a resistance group maybe we would see that in order to free all women we would have to cut some loose along the way.

The type of comments I am tired of seeing are -

1 - Feminists are as bad as men when it comes to telling other women what to do.
Well, feminism is a political ideology and political ideologies tend to have an opinion on how people live their lives. So, yeah, we have an opinion.

2 - Feminists judge me for my choices and are really shaming and mean.
Well, sometimes we are just analysing your choices and why you made them, but if you do make choices that sell out other women then why shouldn't we judge you?

3 - Men are 100% responsible for the patriarchy. Blaming women is victim-blaming and focusing attention away from the real villains.
Men are responsible for the patriarchy but women cheerleading for it are helping to prop it up. Either you want the patriarchy to end or you don't.

4 - In-fighting and criticising other women is divisive and unproductive and we have to work together to further the cause.
Well, constantly having to accommodate the views of women that are antithetical to your aims is also unproductive and unhelpful.

5 - I need feminists when I hit the glass ceiling at work or can't find reasonable childcare but how dare you bitches suggest my husband is a misogynist for watching porn! How dare you make me challenge things in my life!
Make the connections, dear.

Do you think feminism might move faster if we stopped trying to win over anti-feminist women and convince them feminism is necessary or do we need to swell our numbers?

OP posts:

virenall · 07/09/2014 15:07

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FuckOffWeasel · 07/09/2014 14:44

I think it is fair to criticize anti-feminist women.

Anti-feminist is not the same as not a feminist though. I tend to not criticize them too much

cailindana · 07/09/2014 14:38

Why criticise at all? As a feminist, my aim isn't to judge or criticise, it's to analyse and improve. So, if a woman makes choices or holds opinions that I consider harmful to other women, my first reaction isn't to sympathise. Nor is it to criticise. My first reaction is to understand, not with the aim of excusing but with the aim of identifying the causes so they can be tackled.

My point is, to me feminism isn't a moral system under which actions are judged. It is a system of understanding and analysis. I may have a visceral reaction to women defending porn but that's not a feminist thing, that's a personal thing. My personal reaction is informed by feminism but it is irrelevant to any feminist arguments, if that makes sense?

TheSameBoat · 07/09/2014 00:42

Comparing women to an enslaved population is far too much. The situation is much more complex and subtle.

But that is probably part of the problem because convincing women that feminism is needed is difficult when there are so many perks of going along with the "patriarchy" or whatever it should appropriately be called.

There's something so comforting about going in the direction that society pushes you in. It's very isolating and depressing seeing the world in a feminist way so I can't blame women for unthinkingly going along with it. A coping mechanism.

But to answer your question I do think feminists are a bit soft on anti-feminist and a lot of that is probably because we are trying to avoid the "catfight" scenario where two women disagree and they're seen as "catty" despite the fact that men disagree all the time.

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