Prostitutes - Are Women in Denial About Who Uses Them?

I was just wondering why we don't want to confront the issue of the men that use them?

I don't really understand. What do you think we should be doing?

I don't know anyone who has admitted, to me, that they've used a prostitute but I would be amazed if literally no-one I know has.

I would imagine that there are 2 broad groups. Someone who might do it as a one off on a stag night, especially abroad where it all seems a bit less real, and men who are going a hell of a lot to local women.

I would be interested to know how many men in relationships regularly use prostitutes given the time and money constraints but on the other hand, if sex with a stranger is your bag, it's a hell of a lot easier than a one night stand from a logistical pov. If I was single and using prostitutes I would likely tell them I was married. It's part of the 'I don't have to pay for it but I need a bit extra on top of what I get at home because I'm such a stud' narrative so I would take a prostitutes 'most clients are married' claims with a pinch of salt.

I like sex with women. I'm cash rich and time poor. I know where some of my local brothels are. I also pass a lot on A roads when I'm out and about (ex little chefs ffs) It would be the easiest thing in the world but I can't imagine anything more grim. I imagine lots of men feel this way too. (And it's not because I'm a woman and need an emotional connection, I've had plenty of one night stands. I just need to know that the person I'm shagging wants to be there as much as I do)
Obviously other men are fine with it. I don't know who these men are but I'm not in denial that I probably do know some of them.

I said 'we don't see them' because we don't see them. How do these men manage to be so invisible?

What are you talking about, of course they are not invisible. They just don't go round wearing a sandwich board announcing that they paid for sex.

I see "touchy" as kinda interchangeable with "hysterical" and "nagging" and other non-useful terms to describe female thought processes. I simply do not expect to see it used on a FWR board with any seriousness.

I am afraid it's true. I was in the army and then afterwards worked in other male dominated environments and I am sorry but the unusual ones were the ones who weren't up to anything.

I was on the fringes of a circle of men who on the surface were successful, good looking etc, almost all of them used prostitutes, many of them went away to Thailand on two week holidays where they were with different women every night or had what is known as a "girlfriend experience" where they pay the woman to stay for a number of days or the entire holiday.

I worked for a building company where the men came down from the Midlands and the North to work in the South of the UK, they would get paid on a Friday and pretty much the first thing they did was visit a prostitute. I would hear them discussing where they were going and then plans for the evening afterwards, these were married men with wives and families at home.

at BOF.

CK - but why wouldn't people be touchy? The majority of feminists think prostitution isn't ok, right?

It's just like with rape. No one actually enjoys thinking about the fact that ordinary men rape.

I'd be really disturbed if we suddenly became blase about it, wouldn't you?

It's a debate that never seems to move far enough on, IMO.

However far you come - whether that's saying prostitution is absolutely wrong, as most of us do, or whether it's saying it would work if it were better regulated, as I believe SGB does - you never escape the fact that many people want to believe it's ultimately women's fault and women's shame if men exploit prostitutes.

That is what this 'denial' rhetoric is about - it's woman-shaming.

That's really tickled me- I'm imagining a sheepish-looking fella leaving his money on the dresser and lying back to listen to one of Germaine Greer's monologues

Wait, is this one of those threads where you judge everyone by your own standards. Like, I use prostitutes behind my wife's back, so every other man does too?

There is a bit of poking going on, yes indeed

That's a shame. I thought the FWR had moved on from it, tbh.

lol tunip

Tunip

Are the pokey sticks out?

Their husbands are visiting feminists?

I don't understand what class has to do with it.

The more disposable income you have, the more you have to play with on, erm, dodgier things.

e.g. Prince Harry wasn't he filmed cavorting with drugs and prostitutes that time? Loads of posh politicians getting caught literally with their pants down?

Stories about men and prostitutes cross all wealth and class lines, unsurprisingly. I don't think anyone thinks otherwise surely.

I can understand people not wanting to think it might be their husband, boyfriend, father, whatever, obviously.

Having said that I also don't believe the "all men" will do it given half a chance thing either. Some won't. I wouldn't like to put a number on it, but the idea that all men are dogs and will stick it anywhere given half a chance is not true. Of course you can't tell which are which, but still.

...and here it comes

I think you'll find that not only are middle class women in denial that their husbands visit prostitutes but feminists too.

What do you mean 'we don't see them'? How would I know if my neighbour was regularly visiting prostitutes, or the bus driver, or the man down at the recycling centre?

Well.

IME men are much more likely to let on, or to tell about having paid for sex, on the following conditions:

• On holiday (lads / stag type scenario)
• Single at the time
• Not that often "tried it to see what it was like" type thing

I know quite a lot of blokes who have done this, seemingly more "acceptable" face of it, out of my extended friendship groups. My friendship groups have historically been pretty drunken and so people say stuff that maybe they wouldn't under normal circs.

Anyway. These are all "nice" normal middle class chaps.
I don't know anyone who has admitted to paying for sex in the UK, or more frequently, or when not single. Apart from maybe one who there were rumours about but who knows.

So I would say that the checklist up there ^ is the start of a more widespread normalisation really.

And who knows what anyone else is doing or thinking, really. The older I get, the less surprised I am.

I think a lot of people would be horrified if they knew what their DP's got up to. So I suppose it's just as well they don't. Hardly any men admit to it.

I think many men would not admit to using prostitutes

Maybe just a few use them on a regular basis but why would there be so many young women being exploited if the market was not there. I doubt just a few men spend all their time visiting brothels. And when it is so easily on offer and away from home I think a lot of men who would never have thought of using a prostitute will but will they be honest I doubt it