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Original poster

"Clever girl" - I'm pregnant

37 replies

WorkingBling · 19/08/2014 21:39

I recently found out I'm pregnant but had to get an early scan. I sent my mum a text afterwards to say all looks good and to confirm due date. She replied with "that's great. Great excitement here. Clever girl."

Could someone explain to me why that "clever girl" has annoyed me so much? I think it's at least part being called girl when i am nearly 40, married and pregnant with my second child. But that's not it entirely. Is it the assumption that getting pregnant makes me clever? Please help me articulate

OP posts:
Lottiedoubtie · 19/08/2014 22:04

I would guess it's because it is false praise. You know that the outcome of the scan wasn't in your hands, it didn't go well because of anything you did (or didnt do) . And then there's an underlying implication that if it had been bad news you would have been at fault somehow?

That said unless your mum has form for being a massive bitch it's VERY unlikely she meant to antagonise you like this!

SmallBee · 19/08/2014 22:02

Argh this annoys me to. DH used to call me a 'good girl' when he meant well done or thank you. It made me feel like a dog who'd just done a trick. (Don't worry, he stopped a long time ago)

EBearhug · 19/08/2014 22:02

If you're pregnant, you're clearly a woman, not a girl. "Clever girl" is what you say to a child managing to do something for the first time, and while your mum's always your mum, it's still nice if she can recognise you're grown up, rather than about 6.

(My mother admitted she never really saw me as properly grown up, even though on a rational level, she knew my job was probably more responsible than some of the people she worked with, and they definitely counted as adults.)

Itsfab · 19/08/2014 22:00
Grin

Daft comment as being clever or not has nothing to do with getting pregnant and becoming pregnant doesn't mean you have done anything clever.

Original poster
WorkingBling · 19/08/2014 21:58

GrinHahaha. Love that suggestion re response.

And yes, it is the patronising tone. So freaking annoying. Like this is the thing that defines me - my ability to get pregnant (to be fair, with fertility issues it is actually quite impressive I got pregnant without intervention but still! Sex at the right time isn't clever. It's having enough sex! Wink)

OP posts:
BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 19/08/2014 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flanjabelle · 19/08/2014 21:53

I got called clever girl when I had dd. It rankled with me too. Its the verbal equivalent of a pat on the head.

HumblePieMonster · 19/08/2014 21:50

Oh, and congratulations! Thanks

Original poster
WorkingBling · 19/08/2014 21:50

Thanks petula. Yes, perhaps a bit. Especially as actually her first response was to ask if she can tell people now.

I'm not terribly precious about people knowing. I take the view that if anything bad happens I want support from friends and sensitivity from everyone else, but it did grate a bit in this instance. Maybe the "clever girl" thing is an extension of that?

OP posts:
HumblePieMonster · 19/08/2014 21:50

Its because your mum said it. When they speak, it annoys. I know because I had one and I am one.

PetulaGordino · 19/08/2014 21:47

congratulations by the way!

PetulaGordino · 19/08/2014 21:46

is it because it's a bit like coming home at the end of term with a good school report? like you've brought them a prize you've won and fulfilled your daughterly duty?

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