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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Depressing report - anal sex in under 18s

358 replies

noblegiraffe · 19/08/2014 17:45

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/4/8/e004996.full

The link goes into much more detail but the gist is:

"First, some men's narratives suggested that mutuality and consent for anal sex were not always a priority for them. Interviewees often spoke casually about penetration where women were likely to be hurt or coerced (“you can rip 'em if you try and force anal sex”; “you just keep going till they get fed up and let you do it anyway”), suggesting that not only do they expect coercion to be part of anal sex (in general, even if not for themselves personally), but that many of them accept or at least do not explicitly challenge it. Some events, particularly the ‘accidental’ penetration reported by some interviewees, were ambiguous in terms of whether or not they would be classed as rape (ie, non-consensual penetration), but we know from Jack's interview that ‘accidents’ may happen on purpose.

Second, women being badgered for anal sex appears to be considered normal.

Third, the commonly circulating ideas that ‘everyone’ enjoys it, and that women who do not are either flawed or simply keeping their enjoyment secret, help support the erroneous idea that a man pushing for anal sex is simply ‘persuading’ his partner to do something that ‘most girls would like’. Even Alicia's narrative contains some of the apparently coercive features of anal sex that other women report in negative terms, despite Alicia reporting enjoying anal sex.

Fourth, anal sex today appears to be a marker of (hetero)sexual achievement or experience, particularly for men.18 The society which our interviewees inhabit seems to reward men for sexual experience per se (‘every hole's a goal’) and, to some extent, rewards women for compliance with sexually ‘adventurous’ acts (enjoyment signifying not being naive, unrelaxed, etc), although women must balance this with the risk to their reputation. Women may also be under pressure to appear to enjoy or choose certain sexual practices: Gill describes a ‘postfeminist sensibility’ in contemporary media, where women are expected to present themselves as having chosen behaviours that conform to a stereotype of heterosexual male fantasy.24 The common portrayal of anal heterosex in terms of men breaking women's resistance can be compared with narratives about first vaginal intercourse25 and perhaps have superseded them to some degree in the British context where premarital vaginal intercourse is considered normal and so perhaps less of a ‘conquest’.

Fifth, many men do not express concern about possible pain for women, viewing it as inevitable. Less painful techniques (such as slower penetration) were rarely discussed."

OP posts:
AlpacaYourThings · 19/08/2014 18:28

A 'friend' of mine once said that he liked anal sex with his girlfriends because then he really knew he 'owned her'.

Glovender · 19/08/2014 18:24

(Whilst recognising that a minority of women genuinely enjoy anal sex....)

I was going to point the finger at internet porn, but perhaps you're right morethan. I think this is an unfortunate consequence of the continuing idea that sex is something women allow men to do to them ie women are conquests and the more sex, the greater the number of women and dirtier the sex the greater the validation. Do men really enjoy anal sex more than straight vaginal sex? I can think of one reason why they wouldn't and one why they might - so all square - but it makes more sense if one looks at it as something a man feels he ought to be pushing for / striving to achieve.

What I am sure of is that any man who pushes for it to happen and doesn't seem to respect the concerns of his female partner should immediately be shown the door.

Vacillating · 19/08/2014 18:16

I work with teens frequently and have cause to discuss their sexual experiences sometimes. I think the report is conservative and whilst often women have had awful early experiences of sex currently the normalisation of once hardcore activities is creating misery and a culture of women thinking if they aren't loving it then they are wrong.

Porn, pop, tinder non of it helps

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 19/08/2014 18:07

"the most common phrase was that any man saying he didn't want to do it was secretly gay."

What stunning logic!

PacificDogwood · 19/08/2014 17:57

Good grief, this makes me glad of my advanced age, and equally makes me fear for my (young) DSs and a a world they grow up in. I am not sure how I'd cope if I had girls.

And this from the BMJ - not a publication normally noted for its feminist slant, so even more depressing reading.

AlpacaYourThings · 19/08/2014 17:55

Jesus, that's depressing.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 19/08/2014 17:55

I think things have been heading this way for a while. I'm 27 and when we were at University men used to take the piss out of any bloke who said he wasn't interested in trying anal sex, the most common phrase was that any man saying he didn't want to do it was secretly gay.

Nice, huh?

morethanpotatoprints · 19/08/2014 17:52

I'm not suggesting this is right by any stretch of the imagination, but ime it has always been like this.
A lot of people will blame internet porn and I think it does have its place in here, but it was common conversation way back in the early 90's before many homes had internet access.
I think anybody who doesn't realise this is the way of the world is naïve to say the least.