School's response to a pupil transitioning female to male making me uncomfortable...

MoreCrack all isn't well though is it because of the misogynist behaviour of this group of boys, the truanting, the getting pissed up when he should be at school, and the string of sexual relationships.

While all of these things taken apart are not unusual, taken all together and in the knowledge that this boy has something happened in his life around sex/gender which was likely confusing and difficult and having had to contend with rumours etc.... Well be obviously needs support and help and stuff I'd have thought.

The girlfriends parents also should be clued in that they are in a sexual relationship - 13/14 is still pretty young I think and even though it goes on all the time still better if the parents know so they can look after their daughter if it all goes wrong in standard teenage fashion. + of course her BF sounds like a bit of a nightmare anyway so again if it were my DD I'd want to know.

But what if this is not the case? Do I sit on my hands when I believe a child may be at risk of emotional harm?

If this is not the case, and without the full facts (you have no idea of the truth of the situation) you can only raise concerns with the adults involved and let them take it from there. Then you leave it alone. If you press the matter further and you are wrong then you are putting the boy at risk of emotional harm by publicly challenging his identity.

If you desperately need to satisfy your perceived responsibility in this matter then I suggest you pop round and see his mother. It will be a difficult conversation to admit that you are essentially a stranger but feel somehow morally involved in the whole issue. You acknowledge that it's none of your business but ask her anyway to be honest with you about his gender swapping as you witnessed him living as both both and girl. She might be happy to brief you of the facts, then again, she might tell you to piss off. If you don't feel comfortable discussing this with his mother because you feel that's too intrusive to their privacy as a family, then you have your answer to the extent of your moral obligation, stop there and leave it alone.

OP - what would you like the school to do? And if it emerged that the boy has not told the GF, should they disclose? I am genuinely interested in what you think.

Sorry to talk about you in the third person there OP.

"OP, I'm struggling here with your assertions that sex and gender are the same thing and that biology cannot lie" I don't think MoreCrack is asserting that. She is saying that sex and gender are separate and that gender is a social construct. She has also stated that she doesn't have a gender identity despite people on this thread wanting to give her one

It may also be the case that the boy was born male, was trans during primary school and identified as a girl, but once puberty started no longer felt he was trans and now identifies as a boy.

Buffy Hold on, who is saying that he doesn't need to tell his GF? It's absolutely essential that it happens (at an appropriate point) if it hasn't already. I'm saying, it's very difficult for the school to ensure that happens without telling the GF themselves. Should they do that?

OP, I'm struggling here with your assertions that sex and gender are the same thing and that biology cannot lie and that the boy may be lying about having a 'hormonal' condition and therefore needs to use the staff toilet.

Have you considered certain genetic/hormonal conditions such as:
"Androgen insensitivity syndrome is a condition that affects sexual development before birth and during puberty. People with this condition are genetically male, with one X chromosome and one Y chromosome in each cell. Because their bodies are unable to respond to certain male sex hormones (called androgens), they may have mostly female sex characteristics or signs of both male and female sexual development."

If the boy has this condition and was wrongly identified at birth as a 'girl' because of the expressed physical female characteristics and lived as a girl for the first 10 years until perhaps having some detailed genetic tests, in which case, along with the 'tomboy' persona from his childhood and his genetic, biological status as 'male' could this not account for his 'always been a boy', identified with masculine gender but has anomalous female physical characteristics at odds with his genetic sex as well as his social gender, plus takes into account the discussion of his 'hormonal' problem.

You're not his mother, you don't know his medical history and biology is not as black and white as you think it is. As a feminist, I believe that gender is a social construct and I have the right to be as feminine or masculine as I feel like, as does my DH, as does my DS and any other person on the planet.

13/14 it is perfectly believable that this relationship is or will become sexual.

It is also possible that it could be more long lasting than some assume. Several of my peers left school still dating those they went out with in year 9/10.

Maybe the boy saying he has always been a boy isn't deceptive.

But when that is interpreted by his peers as a physical description (and yes, I make room for the fact that perhaps they all know he only means from an identity perspective, but I doubt it), then that is deceptive. Doesn't matter for his peers, but for a relationship, then yes it matters.

The school at minimum should be teaching that "I've always been an XYZ" does not necessarily refer to genitalia.

Actually I think it's really important that people know who theyre in a relationship with when it comes to their genitalia.

It's overly liberal nonsense to say genitals don't matter at all !

Here is where it matters :

What happens if she married him and expected a penis on the wedding night and got a vulva?

That's the natural extension of your argument to say that no one needs to tell someone what genitals they've got.

In general you need to tell people you're in intimate relationships with what genitals you've got

It's only polite. Just like if you know you can't have children before marriage you tell the other person. Or if you have an std, or have been an intravenous drug user.

I think it's manipulative to not tell someone they're in a lesbian relationship. And let's be clear, a relationship is between 2 people and one of those people might view the other as a female if they have a vulva and no penis.

He is a boy in every aspect of his life, apart from possibly his genitals

This attitude that genitals are a big nothing is absolutely fascinating to me. The idea that a man with a penis can say "I am a lesbian" and no one is supposed to laugh out loud... amazing.

My main concern is that he has led her to believe he is biologically a boy and school have been complicit in removing her right to choose. To all intents and purposes she is unknowingly participating in a lesbian relationship.
But she isn't participating in a lesbian relationship. A lesbian relationship is one that takes place between two girls/women. This is a girl and a boy and the boy has not yet had gender reassignment surgery. He is still a boy. He is a boy in every aspect of his life, apart from possibly his genitals.
The relationship is very unlikely to be very sexual yet. They are both still young so it is probably just kissing.
I don't understand what risk she can be facing? She does not have the right to know everything about her boyfriend when it is quite obviously a very young and not serious relationship. He has the right to privacy.
It is completely unfair for someone to follow this boy around in his life, letting people know that he used to be a girl! He is now a boy. That is all that matters. It is HIS decision what he shares with his girlfriends and when to share it.
The OP doesn't even know what genitalia this boy has!!

TheXxed The 2 cases you quoted did not involve trans gender people. They were both women who pretended to be and disguised themselves as men to enter sexual relationships with other women. The 3rd case is a very controversial one that would probably not have been brought had the girl not lied about her age. I think that the right to privacy could now be argued under the human rights act as gender identity is now a protected characteristic.

He is female-bodied but has, with the school's permission, stated that he has been a boy all his life. That statement, without further explanation, leaves the impression that the boy is male-bodied, which is not true.
Apart from the fact that we DON'T know about his body. He could be inter-sex and lived his early life identified as a girl.

It is cases like this, that demonstrate just how difficult it must be, for any transgender or intersex person to transition, without someone from their past, jumping up to 'protect' people around them by telling them the 'truth'

This is nonsense

I don't think it's nonsense.

I also don't know of any educating regarding transgender issues going on in schools.