New campaign to allow partners to stay on maternity wards.

Gatorade, it depends. Not at my hospital as private rooms were still on the ward and were single beds. But many so have that option.

Gatorade, it depends. Not at my hospital as private rooms were still on the ward and were single beds. But many so have that option.

Don't men get to stay if their wives/gf's have private rooms? If so, maybe that's something to budget for, for those who feel they really need it.

There was a leering creep on my ward during visiting hours. I don't think I would have got any sleep if he'd been allowed to stay. Mind you, I don't think I would have got any sleep if my partner at the time had been allowed to stay. I was in early labour all night, and he insisted he share the single hospital bed with me as he had work the next day. He keep telling me to move over because he wasn't comfortable. I was clinging on to the edge with my contracting belly over the side, while he was fully on the bed and fast asleep! No, this is one area where I'm glad women don't (currently) have to put men's 'needs' first. Though I acknowledge that there are lots of lovely men out there who would just want to stay to support their partners and their babies.

Anony there is no indication that having partners stay overnight denies women the support of HCPs. Though there was evidence form the trial that women don't want as much pain medication when they have the support of a partner overnight.

There is no good reason to ignore people who are upset by a state of affairs SDTG. But many women are upset (and deeply uncomfortable) not having their partners with them. Neither of these groups automacially wins some kind of top trumps. They are all vulnerable and should all be listened to.

"I do think that to deny women the support of their partners in caring for their newborn for their first night is cruel. "

I actually think that denying women the support of HCP's is cruel.

I would have thought that the answer is to staff the post-natal wards properly at night, so there are enough staff to support the mothers as well as they need and deserve. Maybe they need specially trained HCAs to supplement and help the midwives - sort of NHS post-natal doulas?

I did not find the hospital caring. From a feminist perspective I do think it is wrong that the mother is left to care for the baby alone, after going through birth and after several sleepless nights. I was lucky that I had a straightforward delivery and was essentially well while on the post natal ward, I still found being alone with a screaming baby who would not latch on terrifying. Friends who were unable to move post epidural/c section found it even worse. Friends whose partners were with them at Kings had a positive experience. I do think that to deny women the support of their partners in caring for their newborn for their first night is cruel. It also immediately sidelines the father from childcare - he gets to sleep while she is left to cope with the baby alone.

So, is an 'overwhelmingly positive' response good enough reason to ignore those people who would be deeply uncomfortable and unhappy about having men who were strangers to them, nearby at night?

And given that, from so many accounts on here, it appears that many visitors cannot behave considerately during the day (lots of noise, phones, arguments, staring at other women, intrusiveness - all things I have seen reported on here), why do we think people are going to behave any better at night?

It is interesting to see how little attention and voice has been given to the experiences of the women who stayed on wards where partners staying overnight was a part of policy. The experience of the women in the pilot was overwhelmingly positive and the fears expressed on MN about the idea did not materialize.

And tbh I don't think the staff are "more than capable" of caring for the patients.

Mainly because of all the threads I've read on MN which demonstrate quite clearly, that women aren't always cared for after giving birth.

And also because there often just aren't enough staff there to give proper care.

The point the other poster was making was that in fact she was the patient and didn't get any care.

That's not that unusual, I don't know why it's OK to totally dismiss what she says.

She wasn't calling for visitors to be cared for.

But the NHS is there to care for the parients- not the patients and any other family memeber who may want to spend the night. Staff have a job to do and don't want the place cluttered up with extra family members.

When my husband was dying in hospital I wouldn't have dreamed of staying in hospital with him- the cancer ward would have been awash with family and friends.

Husbands are welcome to stay for the birth- but then the staff are more than able to take care of the women without husbands clogging up the wards.

That's a very dismissive way to talk to someone combust22.

Lots of women do actually find there is no support. None whatsoever.

But hey, do feel free to dismiss other women's experience because it's not the same as your's. After all, we know women aren't reliable when talking about their experience and need someone else to interpret it for them. Lucky there are plenty of HCP's, men and other women ready to put right about our own experiences, eh?

Anyway, qumquat, setting aside war covering up the insecurity of a trail of blood with even more trails of blood, I dont think you are out of step at all. People, reasonably enough, dont want to feel their safety is compromised or peace of mind disrupted, be that in hospital or out of it. Like you they just want support and they think about the mechanisms that could provide that and what might take it away. Its really just the same thing, viewed from two sides- security Vs insecurity. The extent of compromise spins off the extent to which mothers are given options in their choices without said choices impacting others.

Oh please you are not "without support" - it's hardly barbaric. How dramatic.

Women give birth under canvas in war zones- that may be hard. Not in a caring NHS hospital

I feel very out of step here because i thought being left on my own with a baby and no support from dp was barbaric. I couldn't care less if other people's husbands saw me trailing blood across the floor ( in fact they did during visiting hours so what's the difference?). I felt completely alone and terrified. If there's a second dc I will definitely go to Kings where partners are allowed to stay over.

No way men ataying on wards. It's avery private time for women- learning how to breastfeed- I remember walking to the loo not realising I had left a trail of blood on the floor. Luckily it was all women around.

Oh no, I haven't managed to read through this whole thread but I 100% disagree with a campaign to allow men on wards. I spent an awful night on a ward post c-section where My London hospital was ' trialling' having men staying. The man opposite was a violent dangerously controlling psychopath he was abusing his poor partner, he wouldn't let her feed the baby when it cried, wouldn't let her hold it. She was constantly crying and begging. And he was shouting at the midwives. They were completely powerless. It's so true that point up thread about men occupying spaces. He acted like this was HIS space, and everyone bowed down and let him stamp all over them.

That women needed time alone with get baby and he wasn't letting that happen.

Some of them don't. Some of them make the patient sleep in the chair, so they can have the bed.

They sleep in chairs. Must be very uncomfortable.

Also, I kept needing the loo, and men kept using it and leaving it dirty and I kept cleaning it because it was filthy and didn't get cleaned properly.

Definitely do NOT support this on a ward, it's noisy enough in there without a load of random partners knocking around with nowhere to sleep. In a private paid-for room maybe, but not to impose other peoples partners on women in such a vulnerable position.

At my local hospital, the older private rooms are not ensuite, they still share a loo and bathroom. So private rooms only isn't the full answer.