What surname do your children have?

I'm married, and DS has my surname. I don't know any other married couples where the child has the mother's surname, but it's never been an issue for us.

I have an unusual surname which I love, and DH has a very common surname. I'm also close to my family, while DH wasn't close to his father's side so it just made sense.

Had I been on Mumsnet and read these discussions 12 years ago, I would no doubt have kept my name and given my children my name. We had DD before we were married and I don't think DH would have been outwardly bothered if I had done that. As it happens, I knew we were getting married and that I would end up taking his name and we'd all have the same name. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal and I was happy to shed my surname - particularly as I was going from the end of the alphabet to the beginning. I hated being last for everything during school and liked too much the idea of my children not having to suffer that (projecting I guess)

Despite my subconsciously choosing the patriarchal path, I have to say I am always a bit meh about women on here who act superior because they haven't taken their DH's surname but have given their DH's surname to their children. I like the scandinavian way of doing things. Given our high divorce rate it would make sense for women in this country to keep their own surname. The only problem I see with giving DDs the mother's name and DSs the father's name is in cases where no father is present in the child's life and the DS would have the mother's surname. It would quickly single them out as never having had a father around. I don't know if that would matter.

My dc had their dad's surname and I changed mine when I remarried. Dd's dc have their father's surname as does she.
When their dad died my dc were 12 and 16 so there was no question of them not keeping his name when I remarried.
I have been married 3 times so I have had four surnames in my life all of them because of a man so none of them 'mine' really. It is a fact that even if women keep their maiden name it is from their father. I like the Icelandic custom of all girls being xxxxxdottir (xxxx being mother's first name) and men being yyyyysen (yyyyy being dad's first name) then they keep that name for life. An excellent plan.

I am one of those people who married someone with the same surname. Easy when having DC as no surname decisions. I am genuinely not sure what I would have done had it have not worked out this way.

Mine have DH's surname. We have SDs (his daughters) who live with us most of the time, and giving them his surname joined them together more. They get on well, but there was some tension and I think it's a problem in a lot of step families that it's separated into an us (children of both parents)/them thing, this joined them together more.

I got married in the mid 80's (was married 24+yrs) and kept my name, we decided girls would have my name, boys his. We had girls so the dc have grown up with my name - it's never caused a single problem and they are all in their 20's now and very happy with their names.

The 'what if two people with double barrelled names get married, what happens THEN, will no-one think of the poor children' objection is merrily ignored by yer actual aristocrats. Who do sometimes go with the whole four or five surname thing - Anstruther-Colefax-Tollemache-Anstey or similar.

I think you'd have to have the full gamut of silver spoons, plums, battered ermine robes and aged retainers to carry it off, though.

I don't think you are 'less of a family' haklyut but I think some people at some stages in life (ie, me, then) feel that the name is important in making a statement which, if more confident at the time perhaps, they would have realised they had no need to make.

As it is, my daughters have a pretty nice name, as do I, and I quite like mine being different from theirs as it turns out. They're clearly mine, as everyone who encountered them ever knew, but less clearly Dp's so I like the fact that they get his name at least.

It's just that it's not what people are used to, I remember my dad telling me how ashamed his poor mum was that she was as she put it a bastard. How awful for her, so it must be a remnant from those days if families all have different names.

I do think it's bizarre that people seem to think we are less of a family because I have one name, Dp has another and the dcs have a third. How do you measure the amount of "family" we have/are?

We are engaged.
DD has DPs name.
Because it is easier to spell and mine is already double barrelled.

I regret giving dd her fathers surname and I feel so angry at ex for pressuring me into it, I am angry with myself for not insisting on putting my own name down as I wanted. Mine is much nicer, it's associations more pleasant and my siblings aren't having any kids to pass the family name on. It just pisses me off that she doesn't share my name, I can't even change it or add my name to her surname on the birth certificate, I've tried.

It's quite a personal decision I think. I'm married and we all have the same surname, which happens to be what my husband was born with. I'm not bothered. It's our name. Our family's name. Mind you, I have an unusual first name so I didn't feel that anyone would be confused as to who I was when I changed names when we got married. It just doesn't bother me. I don't see it as any form of submission. After all, my original surname was my dad's family name, not my mum's, so naming is a fluid process.

scottishmummy I was indeed nodding to prejudice; I was 18 and might very well make a different decision now, but then I felt it was important to make it clear there was a relationship there. And I still had a lot of 'ah, young mum, you on your own then?' Which I shouldn't have minded, but did.

I can see now that it wasn't a very feminist decision to give them his name! and as I say might well do differently if I had my time again (in fact, they wish I had anyway!), but on the whole it rarely bothers me much and I like having my own, different name, which I would never have changed and never will.

"The DC have his surname. I have mine, and always will"

Ditto

I share my name with my mum, Dad and sister and that's good enough for me

The DC have his surname. I have mine, and always will.

He could if he wanted...but there is no need. I like the traditional aspect of children having fathers surname. Would never cross my mind to ask him to change his name, especially as i have no intention of changing mine!

weebairn - we have the same with DP's surname- it is also a boy's name, and I would have been sorely tempted to use it for the first AND last names if we'd had a boy, just for comedy value (rendering all my previous opinions on the matter void). Think (but not) Arthur Arthur.

achildminder he could change to yours! That way you all get the same name and you don't have to rhyme. More than one way to skin a cat and all that.

The kids have my name, my boyfriend of many many many years was a bit unsure when I first asked him whose surname they should have, but then came round to the idea. Now he is quite proud of it. We considered giving DC1 his surname as a first name (it is a very normal boy's first name as well as a surname) but baby was a girl. And it probably would have been confusing.

I am not married either as the tradition always seemed kinda anti-feminist and materialistic to me. If others want to marry that's fine by me and no judgements,just my personal view on it, not something that really sat with my morals etc.

I think I said on the other thread that was similar to this one you always get women swearing blind that they only changed names/gave kids his names because his name was better. But men never seem to care if their name is shit. So I am a bit dubious that that is really the reason.

Didn't we just do this in chat recently ? It didn't go well.

Basically boiled down to

Those that took dh surname at marriage
Those that kept own names
Those that hyphenated
Those that double but no hyphen
And a few more minor variations

And if you chose any of those you either weren't a family, were a stronger family, were a unit/weren't a unit, were a feminist or weren't.

Basically we all thought our own choice / reasons better and more normal. Obviously....

Poussay, why couldn't he take yours if he wants you all to have the same name? If he's aghast at the mere idea, ask him why he expects you to give up your name, but won't countenance giving up his.

So then you'll end up acquiescing to his preference to avoid so called complicated name

DP and I have just been discussing this and he really wants us all to take his name. I suggested last week to my best friend that I might double barrel our names and she was aghast as the combo is a bit of a mouthful so I'm not sure it would be fair to give such a complicated name!