What makes you a feminist?

I was raised by an intelligent and successful mother, went to an all girls school, and only when I was 18 I found out that society chooses to treat me differently because I am a woman.

I am a feminist because my mother was shunned for leaving her husband but told it would have been OK if he's left her (1970s).

I am a feminist because a workman should not have come into my lab, walked around me (I stood in his way) to address the student behind me.

I am a feminist because I should not have to declare to the world my marital status on everyday forms (i.e. Miss/Mrs) whereas men don't have to.

I am a feminist because people see I have a different name from my husband and ask why I didn't change my name

I am a feminist because if you see strong decisive leadership and man is applauded but a woman is denigrated.

I am a feminist because rape is not yet recognised as, and focused on, a man's problem not a woman's (the usual victim)

I am a feminist because I just want an equal playing field.

Thank you Buffy

I always interpret rape as a product of patriarchy because I think it is patriarchal constructions of masculinity that compels men to realise their masculinity through penetration; and use penetration as a form of violence; and disregard the bodily integrity of others in pursuit of doing so. As a corollary, I've always assumed that porn does not represent a wild difference in the sexual appetites of men and women but instead cultivates it, in order that "ordinary" men can realise their "proper" identity as both compulsive and alienated. Anyway, I digress.

The sexism reversal thread had a lot of it for me, the million ways that we a straight jacketed in everything. So really I'm a feminist because I want to find a shape and direction for that rage. And it's so much more sane and peaceful to be angry and engaged in social change than it is to conduct a war against my own body because I can not live up to that beautiful work of fiction that is Woman in the contemporary West. For me (very) personally, the choice is between feminism and anorexia, between feminism and a lifetime of thinking if I could only fucking comply, I would have a chance. That, to me, is the source f the rage. You play by all the rules in this culture, and what do you get? You either get about 70% as far as your male peers, with about 1000% of the criticism and most of the housework. If you are lucky enough to live in the "liberated" West.

It is easy to see the extremes of things I think (and yes, rags like the Daily Mail don't help!) but this thread has answered so many questions.

It's incredibly frustrating (but understandable) that many people seem to get their view of feminism from anti feminist papers like the Daily Mail, or from caricatures, like Millie Tant. Lots of urban myths about feminists just keep circulating, and won't die, however much people say "but I'm a feminist and don't think all PIV sex is rape or that you mustn't wear lipstick, and I like men"

Feminists don't blame men in general for anything, rape or otherwise. They blame society for giving men like that fuckwit the message that he's entitled to women's bodies, and for giving you the message that you were to blame for it, and that you should be ashamed. If you had had a terrible car accident at 15, you'd have told loads of people about it, why wouldn't you, it's part of your life story. But with rape, women are taught to hide and feel embarrassed, they tell no one and keep it a secret, which suits rapists down to the ground, and greatly increases the damage that rape causes by making victims feel alone.

Maybe that is why I didn't report it.

Tbh it didn't occur to me at the time. I did think I was to blame but fortunately I now know that I wasn't. I can also see how he planned it. I don't blame men in general for it though, I now understand that he was an evil piece of crap.

If I had told my parents I think my dad would have beat the living shit out of him.

I am really sorry that happened to you. Fucking bastard to put you through that.

1 in 6 women experiences a sexual assault in their lifetime and that is a very conservative estimate.
Very very few of them report it, and even fewer achieve a conviction.
You experienced once of the worst effects of misogyny - the fact that a man felt he could use you and society taught you to hide something that was absolutely not your fault.

No I didn't report it, in fact I didn't tell anyone for 15 years.

It was how I lost my virginity so I was left with an unhealthy relationship with sex, but I decided at the time to deal with it myself.

Abbey - feel free not to answer but when you were raped did you report it? Was he charged/convicted? If not, why not?

Abbey I'm sorry someone raped you when you were 15.

Do you really think that that experience was not connected in any way to the misogyny in our culture? Where did he get the notion that it was OK to do that to you?

I've just found today's reason to be a feminist. Because the Oxford Union's president is not going to be charged with rape (in common with 90% ish of all alleged rapists) and Nigel Evans was on the Jeremy Vine show once again calling for anonymity for alleged rapists. Because no man should ever face the ignominy of being accused of rape, it doesn't matter that even more rapists would walk free if we had anonymity for alleged rapists, because actually, women don't really matter as much as men. The fact that most rapists walk free and most rape allegations are true, is irrelevant, men's lives must always be prioritised over women's and when they're not, then we must perceive this as an outrage.

One major issue with the "brainwashing" idea is the confusion between feminine attributes being granted lower status by the patriarchy, and feminine attributes being "wrong" because they "hold back women".

Hence the idea you have to wear trousers (popular when I was a kid). Female legs are equally good to male legs. Both genders find muscular legs attractive. The patriarchy represents female legs as less practical and just for ogling... That doesn't mean (to me) they ARE bad and SHOULD be covered. Rather that a woman may choose for them to be strong and/or sexual etc as she chooses... Ridiculous as it sounds, re claim her legs as her own. Maybe in trousers, maybe in a maxi, maybe in short shorts!
Otherwise, the risk is we take the message " female markers are weak" and rebrand it - a bit of an "end of animal farm" moment when you look from patriarch to feminist and see they are peddling the same message: to be good, one must "act masculine" because feminine means weak. One must be asexual as sex for a woman is submission.

A quite different message from one where a woman has autonomy to be who she wants to be. To recognise that some ignorant folk might judge her for wearing x, but its her choice to reclaim or reject that as she sees fit, with an awareness of society's dominant ideas.

I can recommend it - watching it now makes me realise it was way ahead of its time!

Ah, I never watched Blake's7- I was a Star Trek girl.........

Twice? That makes you one of the cool rebels!

Hakluyt I was thinking mainly of Blakes Seven which I was obsessed by (still am ). The head of the Federation was a woman, the regular women were fighters, pilots etc and not defined by their genders.

That's one of the best speeches in the whole series!

"Even the TV I grew up watching were positive and, thinking about it, passed the Bechel (sp?) test, even in the 70s/80s."

I can't think of any programmes- apart from Cagney and Lacey, I suppose, that passed the test in the 70s!

Buffy you are so damned Reasonable

Perhaps it's just the label that makes me uncomfortable. I grew up around strong women, my DM and DF have an equal partnership, I always took it for granted. Even the TV I grew up watching were positive and, thinking about it, passed the Bechel (sp?) test, even in the 70s/80s.

And I have only lived with one partner, who did cooking, housework etc so there were not the issues there.

Lurcio And I find ads like the yogurt one (the one where the woman says about rich, dark, thick while the bloke is on the screen a bit but perhaps that is because it smacks of tokenism and no one bats an eyelid when it is women depicted in that way - I hadn't thought of it that way.

Maybe that's the brainwashing element!

I have been tempted to post on FWR threads before but was slightly frightened to in case I got flamed!

Ok - my name is AbbeyBartlet and I MIGHT be a feminist!