Is fancying a particular sex and not a particular gender bigoted?

It is an interesting question Kim, in a relationship yes most definitely, it has clearly been a massive part of that persons life and I would feel betrayed and lied to.

One night stand however, it is more sticky, as hook ups are taken on face value. The case of the young transman who was prosecuted I believe hinged on him not having had genital surgery, so penetrated the girls with something that they had not given permission for hence it being a crime. But why should a transwomen be required to say more about herself than anyone else? When you randomly hook up they could be anyone. People can say that would want to know but do they have the right to?

What would most concern me in a random hook up with the man not knowing the woman was trans is if he guessed things were not as they seemed. She would be in a very vulnerable position and could subjected to violence or even murdered.

If I met a man and was attracted to him (and single and interested), I would assume he had a functioning penis without giving it much thought.

If it turns out this is a transman, whether there had been surgery or not wouldn't affect how I would feel. I wouldn't date a transman (being a straight woman) just as I wouldn't date a homophobe or an MRA, even if I was attracted to them physically and the "penis" was fully-functioning (unlikely). Their world view would be too different from mine.

There are plenty of guys who are physically attractive but I would not date them, for many different reasons. Transmen don't get a special pass. This discussion about dating trans people seems to assume women are jumping into bed with every man or woman they find attractive and therefore it's unfair for trans people that they don't get their fair share. Although, to be fair to transmen, I've never seen them do this.

It's such a male-entitled attitude that if women are having sex with some people, they should be having sex with me . Like Elliot Rodger, PUAs and loads of men looking for pity shags that women get used to dealing with.

I hope you find someone Kim, but you've already agreed that not wanting to have sex with someone doesn't make you a bigot, so you clearly don't agree with the blogger.

Putting the onus on other people to find you attractive is exactly the sense of entitlement that the Isla Vista guy had.

Of course it is quite possible to be a bigot and still sexually desire that which you hate and that isn't very healthy for either partner.

"And of course - should post - op trans people disclose they are post - op?" of course they should. and tbh it would be impossible not to, how else would they explain e.g. performance issues etc... after all a post op trans man cannot perform in the same way as a typical man, for instance. As sex is important it's not something you can withhold really is it? And that's before you get to the issue of things like children and whether you as a couple might want any in the future and so on.

"If they had had surgery - but you still knew they were trans, would that affect how you felt?" yes.

This is just ridiculous

it is simply only one step further from this to say I am discriminating against Halitosis Harold in Accounts for not responding to his inept sexual overtures.

My choice who I have sex with, how to, and in what physical and emotional form that person identifies themselves as

the rest is simply punishing women for their agency

If they had had surgery - but you still knew they were trans, would that affect how you felt?

Interesting question.

For me it would be more about the 'surprise' genitals aspect. So, if I knew that a trans person who I fancied had had surgery, then it wouldn't stop me fancying them, but if they sprung it on me in the middle of proceedings in a sort of, 'yes! Yes! By the way, did you know that I'm post operative trans?' style of things, it would definitely put a dampener on things. For me, it would feel like a lie.

The word 'attractive' is missing from that sentence.

So if I don't find a certain hermaphrodite or trans woman I'm a bigot? Riiiiight.

I don't have to have sex with anyone I don't want to.
I have the right to withdraw my consent to having sex at any time and for any reason. This includes the last minute discovery that someone is not emotionally, physically or mentally who I thought they were.
I shouldn't be made to feel that I should be having sex with someone out of guilt.

cishet ?

what fuckery is this ?

benefit of the doubt

I kind of get where she might have been coming from. If she is talking about a group of people who hang out together, who have never seen each other naked, then yeah, it might be a bit odd to be wondering about the contents of their underwear.

removes benefit of the doubt

However, in certain circumstances the contents of a person's underwear is very important. In a rape crisis centre, in a high school's girl's locker room or boy's locker room come to that or in my bed. Telling me that I am a bigot for only wanting the genitals I was expecting or suggesting that I am unimaginative in bed if I then refuse to go any further with the surprise genitals makes a person look like a prick. And a rape apologist.

This has fuck all to do with TERF. It is about consent, and this female's desire to dick around with women's ability to feel comfortable in NOT consenting to sex with 'surprise' genitals.

I think she's extreme Bill but she's had some mainstream exposure. She got herself in a knot by trying to no-platform Julie Bindel from public speaking then appearing on Radio 4 with her.

I'm all for giving people like this a broader platform so that the nonsense can be seen for what it is.