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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

A vent re:women's space

35 replies

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 05/06/2014 16:16

Sorry very long but this is also a vent before I im/explode.

I have spent several hours this week being asked to justified why I need to sit at the desk that has been specifically set up for me. (As in for my medical/physical needs) because the guy who started while I was off on sick leave prefers to sit there and can I not be flexible. . .

WHAT THE FUCK, DO FUCK OFF YOU FUCKER!!

Since when does his personal preference trump my physical needs?
The longer one is we hot desk, you book the desk for the days you need a week in advance, there's a website. Before I was off for my operation this desk was out of rotation, you could only book it if I had actively rejected it. Because I was out for several months the desk went back in to rotation, and as my return date took a while to be finalised they didn't take it out of rotation in time. However I block booked it.

Within a day I was approached by a new admin, who this prat had complained to that I was hogging the desk which is seen as poor etiquette.(even though he'd been hogging it for weeks, you can see the history on the website)

Some desks are nicer/better positioned than others so there is the understanding that you only sit at a desk for a week to be fair. 'My' desk is seen as being one of the good ones, by a window (luck) close to meeting rooms/ drinks area and angled in a way that you have more privacy that at most of the other desks. All of this was taken in to consideration when picking a desk for me, I wasn't able to walk far, I needed to apply/adjust TENS patches / ice packs etc without having to go to the bathroom.

So anyway, admin comes says she's been told I'm hogging, starts to explain the process to me, I'm very nice and say I do understand, but there is an Occ Health reason for me sitting there and that my admin is in the process of taking the desk out of rotation. She gets very flustered, say to her she wasn't to know, no worries, don't think any more of it.

Following morning, same admin, all flustered come to me again, tells me she explained to the Prat, that there was a medical reason and the desk was coming out of rotation, he demanded to know what the medical reason was, insisted that she find out.

This is her first job, she knew he was in the wrong but didn't know what to do, fecking bully.

Again, said no problem, told her to email him and say if he had an issue to either speak to me, my line manager, or his line manager.
And if she felt bullied again to speak to her line manager who is wonderful and stands for no shit.

Fecker then mansplains the process to me in full, talking over me as I said I know, I've worked here over 6 years. .

Ends his soliloquy by asking why exactly I need his desk.
I was polite, said you've been told it's a health issue, other than that it is none of your business.

But I need to sit there! So I say well if it's a need rather than a want I suggest you speak to Occ Health.

I don't have time for that, I'm too busy you need to be reasonable.
(Feck off)

My reply was I am being reasonable, it has been explained to you twice that this is an Occ Health issue. I am not spending any more time on this.and turned away.

It doesn't end here.

He then goes to my line manager, spins her a pile of shite, she knowing me doesn't swallow it, but comes to ask my side of the story. I tell it from my POV. She very professionally says nothing, tells me she'll deal with it.
Then yesterday his Line manager approaches me asks what's the story can I not be flexible, I say again it's not a matter of being flex able or reasonable that desk has been adjusted to my medical needs by Occ Health.

Attitude changes instantly, oh I didn't understand that this was an Occ Health desk. Yeap.

So we have space hogging, bullying and mansplanning all together.

Oh and while his line manager may seem like the/a nice guy why did he feel the need to wade in at all?

Why was prats preference more important than mine?

OP posts:
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SolidGoldBrass · 08/06/2014 01:44

What a total knob he sounds. But you handled it magnificently.

kickassangel · 07/06/2014 15:29

Regarding the cat: they are all entirely unsexist in their attempts at world domination. They start with invading our desk space and then move on to the bed.

Take the cat to work and dump it on his keyboard every time he annoys you.

Staywithme · 07/06/2014 12:51

I think you are going to have great fun when he realises you have to check his work, though be prepared for any suggestions you give as being viewed as YOU being unreasonable! Hmm

Regarding the cat. Hahaha. Cheeky wee blighters aren't they?

AskBasil · 07/06/2014 12:27

Of course it's an assumption, a reasonable one. The OP isn't asking for advice about how to approach dealing with it, she's perfectly aware of how to handle it and is doing so swimmingly well. She's discussing it from a feminist perspective on the FWR board.

unrealhousewife · 07/06/2014 12:14

That's an assumption Basil. I think the DDA will be more effective to use here.

AskBasil · 07/06/2014 12:11

Actually it's about sex discrimination as well because he wouldn't have treated a man with a disability in the same way. He wouldn't have thought he was entitled to demand accountability for what disability his male colleague had for example.

unrealhousewife · 07/06/2014 10:22

This isn't about sex discrimination it's about disability discrimination. Get some quotes from the DD act and drop them as and when. This man needs to get over himself.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 08:49

Oh, yes, do point out if you get the right chance.

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 07/06/2014 08:44

Oh bugger

The other desk 'belongs' to a very senior male manager. And no ones questioned him.

Sorry about the mutiple posts I'm being attacked by the cat…

OP posts:
Vintagecakeisstillnice · 07/06/2014 08:42

Damn

That the only other desk that is of similar height & set up bel

OP posts:
Vintagecakeisstillnice · 07/06/2014 08:41

I can't say for certain that he would or won't behave like this if I were male.

I could point out that the

OP posts:
Uptheairymountain · 06/06/2014 17:47

His behaviour is appalling and good on you for refusing to let this over-entitled dickhead get his own way.

Do you think he'd have tried to take the desk if you were a man?

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 06/06/2014 13:08

No uptoapoint it doesn't and thanks.

I had calmed down, not in a calm down dear, I was seething. But I'm all riled up again.

Nothing new has happened, I'm actually off work today.
But there's so many 'little' things in my day to day life.

I am convinced that it is getting worse out there.
Bare in mind I grew up in rural Ireland.
So I know what institutional misogyny is like.

And some how it feels worse now.

Not because I'm more aware, I grew up in a feminist family. I don't think my Mum & Dad thought of themselves as feminists. They both grew up poor and wanted the best for us kids. The fact that most of us were female meant they became feminist by default.

My (only) brother can knit and sew and cooks like a demon. All of my sisters can do that but also like him can wire plugs unblock sinks, change a tire (even though I don't drive).

And to some extent we've carried that on if you want my closest sister to blow just ask her if her husband is babysitting.

And DN, last time Sis and I went away for a few days he was asked who was babysitting him. He said no one. This was in the playground waiting for pick up, his Dad arrived and this person said Oh your Dad's babysitting.
He replied with all the seriousness of a 6 year old 'don't be silly, Daddy's don't babysit, they're Daddy's. Babysitters babysit, and I'm not a baby! !

Love it.

OP posts:
trevortrevorslattery · 06/06/2014 12:14

Ugh what a nob. Glad you put him back in his box!

UptoapointLordCopper · 06/06/2014 09:55

Does that sound patronising? It's meant to be admiring. Blush

UptoapointLordCopper · 06/06/2014 09:54

Well done OP.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 06/06/2014 09:15

"his wants are of course so much more important than my needs. ."

I would love to know his answer to this straight question.

unrealhousewife · 06/06/2014 09:01

Do you have an HR dept? They won't like the timewasting.

Oh the joys of being self employed!

LineRunner · 06/06/2014 08:59

OP, I wish I worked with you. You sound bloody wonderful.

ChasedByBees · 06/06/2014 08:50

He's an arse no doubt, but I do think you should stay in your role. Don't let it look like you've been driven out. I've no doubt from your posts here that you can handle him. :)

AskBasil · 06/06/2014 08:37

I hope you point that out Vintage - how inefficient and unproductive his unprofessionalism has been.

I think you should continually steer their focus towards his unprofessionalism - how would they have handled it if it had been another woman who was stamping her foot like this? (Not that I can imagine most women carrying on in this way.) She would have instantly been seen as the diva she was and no-one would have even given her house-room. Yet this bloke gets to take up people's work time, because his tantrums must be addressed as if they matter, unlike those of a woman who is in fact not even allowed to have a tantrum like this (rightly - no-one should be allowed to).

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 05/06/2014 22:48

Yes it's the waste of time that pisses me off the most.

Hours and hours of various peoples time have been taken up with his tantrum. I do wonder how much this has cost in 'man' hours?

And at the end of the day that's what it is, a tantrum, he's not getting what he wants, and his wants are of course so much more important than my needs. .

OP posts:
AskBasil · 05/06/2014 21:09

What.A.Nob

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 05/06/2014 20:26

No! you have to stay and make his life miserable Grin

unrealhousewife · 05/06/2014 20:05
  • the not hype Angry