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Original poster

Would you intervene if you saw a woman attacking a man?

66 replies

Aqualegia · 02/06/2014 10:33

youtu.be?QYV6y1vH2Lk

It was really food for thought, for me.

OP posts:
ReallyFuckingFedUp · 02/06/2014 11:00

I'm also skeptical about levels of DV affecting men. What happened in the video was definitely dv but men don't die from that. Women die from Dv. Domestic violence kills a lot of women. So it seems unfair to me to say they experience nearly half of it

Original poster
Aqualegia · 02/06/2014 10:59

The point about the 40% (according to Jane Garvey on R4 just now) is that most of them suffer at the hands of men as well. Female on male violence is approx. 11%, I think (although a few numbers were bandied about).

OP posts:
FourForksAche · 02/06/2014 10:58

aqualegia, sorry you went through that. I think it's admirable you're trying to be a better parent. I suspect you're still holding onto a lot of guilt, even for things that were beyond your control.

I shout at my kids occasionally too, I try to stay calm but sometimes it just doesn't work.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 02/06/2014 10:56

That makes more sense.. so inn other words people don't come rushing to women's defense. But for some reason they want us to think we do? Ime, people definitely don't get involved.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/06/2014 10:55

I'm a bit dubious about the video too, I think it may be finely edited to make a point - the 40% figure at the end is dubious too - but all too often bandied around by MRA types. Check out Karen Ingala Smith's work on this.

Research shows that people do not always jump to a woman's aid in public either. In the following social experiment only 4/20 people intervened:

FourForksAche · 02/06/2014 10:53

turnip, interesting! in a way I'm relieved by that. but the point of the video remains valid, I think?

Original poster
Aqualegia · 02/06/2014 10:52

FourForks: I had a very unhappy marriage with an abusive man and sank to some terrible depths back then. It was utterly toxic.

That, thankfully, is over. I'm not physically abusive and verbally aggressive (although that happened in the marriage), but - deep shame - I do still sometimes shout at my children.

I am now very committed to stopping that.

OP posts:
ReallyFuckingFedUp · 02/06/2014 10:50

He was big enough to take care of himself, so no, I probably wouldn't have risked myself in that situation.

The people were laughing were horrible though.

I found it interesting how it was all women who stepped in the first situation despite him being bigger than them and clearly not having any problems with attacking a woman. I definitely would have have helped the first woman.

TunipTheUnconquerable · 02/06/2014 10:48

They may not have been laughing, FourForks....

Is violence video a fraud?

FourForksAche · 02/06/2014 10:47

I don't think it sounds bad at all, Hecate, just sensible. I have stepped in in the past and afterwards I realise it was very risky.

FourForksAche · 02/06/2014 10:45

do you think that you've come to a point where you've changed? do you think you would do things differently now?

HecatePropylaea · 02/06/2014 10:44

I would not physically intervene if I saw anyone attacking anyone. I would call the police at once as an emergency.

I would not risk getting attacked myself. And that happens. You can even end up with both of them on you. I think you have to balance acting to help a stranger with minimising the risk to yourself.

I realise that probably makes me sound awful, but I don't want to get punched if there is another, less risky, way that I can help.

Original poster
Aqualegia · 02/06/2014 10:42

I'm more shocked that I have perpetrated it.

Not everything she did and only in the very extreme of temper/distress, but ... well, I've just said what every violent bastard says. Ugh. I am appalled. I've suffered it, too, so I am doubly sickened that I have perpetrated it. Massive blind spot. I feel sick.

OP posts:
FourForksAche · 02/06/2014 10:40

although, to be honest, from past experience, if it was a female aggressor, I'd feel it would be more likely I'd get hit. Especially if alcohol was in the mix.

FourForksAche · 02/06/2014 10:38

Shock I think I would have stepped in, I'm totally shocked people were laughing.

Original poster
Aqualegia · 02/06/2014 10:34

As is my inability to type properly.

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