What kind of woman do you want to be?

I would like to be okay. I would like to know the future will be okay.

I would like to be me. I would like to know that things will be okay being me. I would like to have enough years left to make up for the years of not being me.

I would like to be left alone, for ever, because he respects my right to be left alone, not to have to constantly be asserting it. I would like not to be bullied or manipulated. I would like it all to finally stop. I would like to be okay. I would like not to be tired.

I would like to stop, just for a bit, and watch the world go by. I would like, at some point to be part of that world.

I must add that I am quite happy as I am for now. I am a good mum, daughter and hopefully a good friend, I try to be!

I'm a strong person who has taken on a hell of a lot at a young age and I am thriving. I just haven't had the opportunity yet to make a career for myself which will hopefully follow uni which I start this year.

I just want my DS to look up to me and feel proud that I am his mum

I dream of being independent, a good mum to my son, have a successful career and to own my own home.

Yesterday I was getting back in my 12 year old little car and a lovely well groomed attractive family of three hopped out of their big flashy BMW all very happy and smiley. I felt sad for a minute but then thought one day that will be me and DS.

Not to be flashy and show off, just to own things I like and to be financially comfortable.

I'd like to be braver. I lack confidence in a particular area of my job and it's holding me back, hugely. I am absolutely busking through it (great phrase!) and I'm going to get found out soon. It means I spend a lot of time frustrated with myself, and scared.

I think I'm a good enough mother, and I try to be a loving, supportive partner. I could probably be a better daughter, and I'm sometimes a bit of a flake as a friend, I think - I don't mean to be but life just spins away from me and I know I don't make the effort I should with keeping up with people. I'd like to be more of a bringer-together of people I love, but I have to accept that's probably not me.

I'd like to be able to shake off the anger I still feel towards my XH

So, braver and more sociable, in a nutshell

I want to be as calm and content as possible. Having battered through terrible anxiety these past few years, I value my mental health more than anything.

I don't have big ambitions to be rich or thin. I'm happy to take life slowly and lie back and smell the flowers! That's not to say I'd turn down being rich or thin but I don't beat myself up over not being those things.

I want to be a sort of middle-aged version of hit girl and, when not heavily armed, absolutely lethal in any kind of physical confrontation/hand to hand combat.

Ok, to be trivial: I would like to be the sort of women who can wear a fancy dress costume without worrying.

That'd be one more level of selfconsciousness gone. I'm good in my normal clothes, I just feel funny when I lose that comfort blanket, and I would like not to care. Not very highbrow, but there we go.

Great question by the way. I have made peace with not being perfect, my three goals will be a lifelong process!

Powerful
Wise
Kind

I used to want to be perfect, perfect looks, perfect girlfriend, perfect at my job and the self hatred I had when I couldn't achieve my aims was pretty dark ( I took drugs for confidence etc)

Now I accept I'm an incredibly flawed individual but I'm alright (I'm never going to be perfect) I maybe flawed but flaws don't mean bad.

Women's magazines have a lot to answer for.

This is a very interesting question . What or who is our role model? What lifestyle do we want? What sacrifices or compromises are we prepared to make in one area of our lives in order to achieve in another?

One thing I do know: putting yourself under pressure to achieve goals that other people have set for you (and which you do not value) is not a way to live your life. So move away from the exam system!

Want to be popular and easy going (and fit and competent, a great mum, steadfast, calm and grounded, rich(!) and generous, a philanthropist, no less)

Am: a mum who tries her best, a bit too curvy since dc2, overtired, taxed but generous, ambitious and clever too.

Dunno, the real and ideal me sadly don't match up.

Until I had dc2 I aspired to be what mrs Lyman up thread aspires to but now I am just too knackered to genuinely make a go of it .

On the plus side I have realised that almost nobody else knows exactly what they are doing either (as in highly capable and skilled/trained for every aspect of their job).

So, so true.

Gratitude is also good for your soul - be grateful for what you have and smile on what you've achieved.

So, I might be very overweight, I owe money, my house is a tip.

But, I have worked my way up from being a single mum with nothing to having a masters degree, owning a home, being the main earner, having a career I am good at, gave birth and provide for two lovely children and found a lovely, supportive husband. Also, I fought alongside DD when she had cancer and managed to keep my job when things got really, really tough. I have presence of mind, intelligence (to a degree) and I now know I can face many things that would terrify other people and still keep my shit together. I have achieved much. This is what I need to keep telling myself when I look at my awful carpets and feel too skint to replace them or look in the mirror and feel fed up with how fat I got.

I want to make people happy and be happy myself. I want to be proud of what I've done and who I am.

On the plus side I have realised that almost nobody else knows exactly what they are doing either (as in highly capable and skilled/trained for every aspect of their job).

That helps...

I wish I knew what I was doing some of the time. It feels like I am busking through work and motherhood somewhat. The relationship is good though, I know what's going on there.

I alway thought that adults knew what was going on and understood everything. I'm 36 and it feel like I may never know!!! I'm realising I need to make the goalposts a little easier for myself.

You get there in time, Leviticus. Just age, I didn't used to be like it.

I've felt this way for so long, but am now trying to re-educate myself. I've hit my mid-thirties and I've realised that much of the pressure on me comes from myself. Many people already look at who I am and feel happy with me, it's me who wants more from myself, but I'm not sure why.

Will these things make such a difference to your life?

It's that existentialist thing - that we are like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill and each time we achieve one thing we want to do/be, it rolls back down again and there's another thing.

This is not to say that some things aren't worth striving for, but there will always be something you should be doing or trying to be. Always. It will never be perfect because something else will send that boulder back down the hill again.

I'm trying to feel more satisfied with myself and I've also got myself some hobbies as I really think that creating things helps us to feel peaceful and like we've achieved. Whether you crochet, knit, make clothes, take photos, write stories or poetry, paint, draw, sculpt - doing something that makes you feel good and that you have total control over can be very therapeutic even if you're not very good at it.

I defy anyone to colour in in a colouring book for half an hour and not feel pleased with what they did!

A younger one, I am fifty and feel it.

Nah, seriously I am quite happy in my own skin.

I want to bea mixture of topsy and tims mum and caitlin moran.

I want to be kinder to me.

I've more or less given up trying to improve. But would like to be a bit tidier and lose weight. Oh and be better dressed. And maybe be a bit nicer and moan less.