how many working mums rely on their own mum for unpaid whilst they work?

My parents were retired when we had our DCs, but we were in our late 30s. Grandparent care wasn't in our plans though, they had said they wouldn't do it so we had planned for DS to go to nursery for all his childcare, but they decided to do one day a week and loved it.

They were not able to help with school day care as they live half an hour drive away and the logistics don't work. However they do have them for the odd day in the holidays.

My mum worked FT as a teacher from when we started school, the first few years we had to go to a neighbour's house after school, which wasn't great, but not too bad, really only a very distant memory now. Once we were 9 and 7 we were allowed to come home by ourselves and wait for mum to get home, which I absolutely loved and of course she was always there in the holidays.

My mum paid neighbours to look after us. My gran was quite elderly and couldn't have coped with looking after us every day after school.

My mum worked full time as a teacher from a few days before I started school when I was 4.

I grew up resenting how luttle time we spent together and I always imagined if I could, I would be a sahm and find ways to spend more time with my children.

I was a sahm and have not worked full time since having children. I have had various part time jobs and since youngest has been in secondary and comfortable with the idea, I have started a small business working a couple of hours per school night. We have dinner together at the table every night.

Ironically I did spend a huge amount of time with my Dad growing up, whereas my husband works away feom home more often than not and Ive dealt with many a family crisis single handedly which I could not have done while in full time work.

Mine were retired. I had ds at 35. My grandparents all died when I was a teenager.
Good point about the next generation with retirement age increasing. I would probably just about cope financially without the free childcare but there would be no treat days/activities/holidays etc for ds. We would be living very frugally indeed.

Mine were still working when my children were very young. It's really only since they've been school age that mum and dad have been able to help out (and actually that timing was perfect, as school hours & holidays are much harder to work around than nursery hours).

I feel very lucky - when my parents were my age, they (well, largely my mum) were caring for their own parents as well as us, rather than being able to expect any help from them. I suspect that time will come for us at some point too, and that life will get significantly harder when it does.

So were your parents who help with childcare all at retiral age when you had your dcs, or did they take early retirement, or were working part time, or not working for other reasons?

Most of my close friends had their first child well into their 30s, and as our parents mostly had their children in their 20s they were coming up to retirement, but if we'd had children in our 20s as well then I can't think of any of them where the grandparents to be weren't working full time.

I wonder how increasing the retirement age is going to affect the availability of family carers for the next generation? (and for the previous - my mum was providing a lot of care for her mother in the first few years of retirement. Mind you, she did for her inlaws as well when she was working and it nearly broke her)

My parents moved near us a few years ago because they wanted to be closer to their grandchildren (and us, I guess, but not quite as much ). They made it clear at the time, though, that while they would love to help out in holidays, and were happy to be called on occasionally at other times, they didn't want to be tied down to a regular schedule, as they like to go away a lot. Absolutely fine with us.

So they tend to have the kids a couple of days a week during school holidays (when we're not off as well), and if they're around are happy to do school pick up etc. if something disrupts our usual routine, which is incredibly helpful. Otherwise dp and I split things pretty evenly (we both work 0.8 FTE).

My dad does as much, if not more, with the kids as my mum, as he's fitter than she is.

I don't. I know people who do though and mil used to help out whilst DH got housework done.

Not at all. DH became SAHP when third DC arrived (having used CM & nursery for DC1 & DC2). We then moved abroad for my work so obviously not an option. It was never offered and we never expected it. GPs might do an evening's babysitting when they visited us but not often.

Not my mum no. She died. But my dad has looked after DS whilst I work for two days a week (he goes to nursery on the third day I work). We could afford for him to go to nursery for 3 days but, actually, my dad was pretty insistent that he does it and we were happy to go with that - he loves DS so much and doesn't see it as 'work'. IMO it's what families do/have always done. If he wasn't happy about if then we wouldn't do it.

Spanner's been thrown in a bit by me having DC2! We'll see what happens when I return to work next year :)

Mum has mine every weekday morning, she works in their school so brings them there as well. 2 days they go to paid ASC. 1 day Mum has them after school. 2 days my aunt has them. It's a lot!

My DD goes to my DM part time (I work FT shifts so she is only there when both DH and I are at work), however she is a Regustered Childminder who works ft.

We pay her (a reduced rate) as DD takes up a place. She didnt want to take money but I am using a place she could fill full time.

MIL and SIL help with the odd evening or overnighter (night out once every 3/4 months).

As an older mum , quite a few of my friends are grandparents and often feel 'obliged' to offer childcare even if they don't really want to (yes, I accept that some GPs enjoy providing childcare). It can be a huge burden to have to be available to look after young children/babies when you have retired, I cetainly wouldn't want to provide childcare if/when my DS has a family.; the occasional night babysitting is different. Often these women (let's be honest, it is rarely men) are caring for their elderly parents as well.

One of my friends regularly cares for her four young grandchildren whilst the parents have lovely holidays and trips away - it is hardly providing 'essential' childcare for working parents. I feel very sorry for her but she is practically 'bullied' by her over-bearing son and DIL to provide such care.

It is certainly not a 'feminist' point of view (IMO) to expect your mother to look after your own children .

I live 150 miles away from my mom. So no, I don't.

And my mil who lives 6 miles away has never even babysat, let alone done regular Childcare. But that's another story

My parents have DS for a week 2x a year in the Xmas holiday and spring half term so that helps, but I wouldn't say I rely on it, and it's more for them to have fun together than for childcare. It does save me £100 a time though!
If mum lived closer she would have him regularly, maybe one day a week, but she lives 200 miles away :(

My mum and mil do alternate Fridays during term time. I appreciate it so much as the DDs get to spend time with them and get to come straight home after school/nursery. I also depend on my sil for a Monday afternoon during term time. I'm really lucky.
Despite that help we are still £640 a month on child care. No idea how people on minimum wage manage even with tax credits etc.

No I dont both of mine are in 40 hour a week childcare. One has been from 4 months until 6 years and still going, and the other from 7 months until 2 and still going.

It's not just grandmothers, my dad looks after mine and there's plenty granddads at the school gate too. Even in the 70's when I was a child my dad did his share of the childcare as my mum worked nights. As a LP, I would be seriously poor if I had to pay for childcare.

It is hard for her though.
Her health is bad.Both Dads are now dead, and mil is geographically distant, and housebound.

Yes.Heavily.

Childcare would cost more than my hourly wage.

None here- In laws are dead, as is my father. I am a carer for my disabled mother so she needs support from me.

Not in my family. DH and I pay for every moment of childcare, as did my aunts on both sides, and my parents

I don't live in the same country, so none at all (and DH is a SAHD). A lot of people I know have their DC going to their grandparents' houses- usually their mother AND father together at the same time.

apart from having dc for a few days during hols, never.
and even that wouldn't be neccessary, really.
but I realise that I am lucky with a well paid 9-5 job and a husband who does half the pick-ups/drop-offs and sick days.