Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

Scarlett yes, I think we always have to consider our own motivations, behind what we say, if I am very honest.

I did want to be a SAHP for a long time, although I was unprepared for how some people at my DC's school would treat me, wanting to use me as an unpaid resource to support my own child, even though was well funded through a Statement. It was horrible because you don't want your child to miss out on anything. Thankfully this issue has been resolved. My DC has progressed and the Statement has ceased due to improvement.

Not strictly a WOHM or SAHM issue but I did wonder, at one point, how on earth I could have held down a job if I had needed to work. So it was difficult if people made digs about being a SAHM.

I do think SNs can create situations where mothers often do end up giving up working. This is a feminist issue, as well as an educational one. Although I didn't have to give up working as I had made the decision to be a SAHP long before my DC was given a Statement of SEN.

Actual lol at Jane - 'heads I win, tails you lose' (I had to read it twice to get the nuance straight!)

capsium, I'm not entirely sure where I fall in the shades of grey now tbh. With both my children there was ever any doubt re my returning to work; I loved my job and have had no regrets - it is only now that I have started to question whether continuing in my job is the right thing to do.

I hate how my job has become now and so I have started to feel more defensive at times about why I chose to keep working when the kids were small. I've realised though that at the time and until very recently I had no regrets at all - my current defensiveness comes from being pissed off at work.
(Hope that ramble made sense!).

Morethan, strangely I have started to crave The Good Life recently, even though I bloody hate gardening in all its forms!

Too simplistic for me FengMa.

I bet there are sahm that feel trapped by finances and wohm also trapped by finances that are well educated. Even with education the system does not work well for having both parents exercise free choice unless they have good income.

Simply put, education gives us the greatest privilege of all: choice.

Retro

Me too, but I agree that people in very different circumstances to me are just as happy and just as right.

I know I'm right Jane so there you go.

Can I be Geraldine the goat?

Going for a lie-down I think - this thread is exhausting

Oh I misread (a bit), thank goodness. MN would have imploded

@ Jane

There is merit in the comment above that those who are very happy with their choice get less upset when others talk about the advantages to children of parents both working or vice versa. It's water off a duck's back to me. I know I'm right. Others on either side of the divide sometimes feel less secure in their choice. It is almost as if some people don't like to hear the advantages to children of mothers working or on the other side the supposed disadvantages to children if women work.

Debate and disagreement are huge fun. Many women thrive on discussion and trying to convince others of their views. It is only by engaging with others with different views that we learn about others.

Oh how exciting for your DD - good luck to her .
it must take years of dedication.

MrsCripps.

Yes, probably H.ed. My dd is a musician and travels a lot performing in various places. She wants to be an opera singer and works hard bless her.
We get to see concerts shows and she gets to rehearse perform and audition whereas if she was at school they wouldn't allow so much time off.
If I worked I couldn't always rely on dh to get dd to places as he too is a musician and all over the place.
It isn't the reason why I'm a sahm though, we have 2 much older dc and I was a sahm for their school years too.

Can I be Margot

Our very own Felicity Kendall

ack xpost!

Sorry I have been on other threads where you talked about lots of interesting things that you do that you couldn't do if you WOH- maybe you did mean H.ed .
Do you grow your own ? I tend to find that the slugs scoff everything before we can pick it

Fideline

Not any more alas, we did when we lived in Norfolk/Suffolk. We are townies now and have been for about 13 years. We did spend 12 years living "The Good Life" though.
The dungarees and checked shirts have long gone to be replaced by the classic middle aged mc wardrobe, or funky hippy depending on where I'm going or how I'm feeling

MrsCripps.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
I have time away from the family if that's what you mean, see friends, etc.
Most of what most people would call the working day I'm with dd out and about.
Ah, could you mean H.ed, but that includes the family, well dd and dh really.
I don't think you are being nosey at all.
The comment about not volunteering was just really to say that irrespective of wohp or sahp some people do and some people don't.
I don't think its a bad thing not to volunteer as you can still be a help to the community. I tend to enjoy helping elderly neighbours and also cover sick days or emergency care for dds schooled friends whose parents work. I don't do this often but they have me down at school for contact.

morethan some people like giving to others outside their immediate family unit- they enjoy helping others and getting involved with the community.
We all value our families surely whether we WOH or not.

Can I ask you a question? -you often talk about the things that you do that don't involve your family but being a SAHP allows you to do-if its not volunteering what do you do? hope its not too nosey to ask

"“The idea that time spent with one’s child is time wasted is embedded in traditional economic thinking. People who are not formally employed may create human capital, but they themselves are said to suffer a deterioration of the stuff, as if they were so many pieces of equipment left out to rust. The extraordinary talents required to do the long-term work of building human character and instilling in young children the ability and desire to learn have no place in the economists’ calculations. Economic theory has nothing to say about the acquisition of skills by those who work with children; presumably there are none.”"

Anne Crittenden.

But don't you grow your own veg morethan? I think that's top trumps in this mad game!

I don't volunteer at all as I find value in raising dd, it takes me most of my time to look after her and the rest of the family.
This is where I place value, we are all different. Some people place their value on working, others on raising their dc full time.
What does it matter if you are happy with your choices and what you value.

Scarlett Gosh, which one am I? I wanted to be a SAHP a long time before DC, tbh and am content with my choice.

However when my DC was only offered part time schooling because of SEN and I was 'required' by the CT to 'volunteer' for trips etc, because they were not confident managing my DC, even through there was a TA fully funded through my DC's Statement, when I 'volunteered' i looked after a group of children, I did feel put upon rather. Also when other parents who worked used to keep saying 'What do you do all day?', or make barbed comments if I did not volunteer for things, as they might be cancelled.

When my MIL kept asking why I did not get a 'little job', and kept saying we should see a doctor because they would sort my DC out, like a cousin did (whose child was severely disabled and lived in a residential home).

So sometimes you do feel required to defend yourself. However I have no dispute with parents who work, although I really am not sure how working would have benefited me.

The advantage that SAHPs and retirees have as volunteers Happy is that they are more likely to be available for the type of community volunteering that has to be done during standard working hours. That is all. No-one said working people don't volunteer.