Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

ithaka if you think that an 11 year old is capable of looking after themselves then I can't explain any more.

If you are incapable of basic comprehension, then it seems pointless me explaining. I thought my post was pretty clear that my 16 year old looks after children, including her wee sis when necessary. There, not so difficult to understand really, is it?

I do consider myself a SAHM though- the fact that I earn while I am here is a bonus.

Yes of course I'd make him one if I was around, but I'm not sure it sits well as a valid reason to sah!! But you have now revealed that actually you aren't a sahm after all so I suppose it's rather a moot point!

"I think there's probably more value in a 16 yo being able to make their own bloody lemsip given that in a couple of years they could be expected to live as an independent adult. Deary me!!"

so you would never make your OH a lemsip?

My 16 year old works too although he is still at school, he also has set up his own online business- so well capable of looking after himself.

As it happens I am a carer for my mother and alos work 30 hours a week running my own business from home. Being here for my teenagers is an extra bonus!

ithaka if you think that an 11 year old is capable of looking after themselves then I can't explain any more.

Spouting they cant afford childcare is just an excuse and should have been thought of before

Lack of affordable childcare is a huge barrier to women returning to work.

For us it was just impossible as I only worked contracts which required full time but were offered on an ad hoc basis so we couldn't afford ongoing fees.

I was at home with my children fir six years and it was hard work but so many positive things too. I don't regret it at all.

I work part time in a McJob now but have interview for ft position at my old pay grade. We are wrestling with holiday provision and school pickups for three children if I get it.

Ft work can be a logistical nightmare due to
Lack of childcare options

I think there's probably more value in a 16 yo being able to make their own bloody lemsip given that in a couple of years they could be expected to live as an independent adult. Deary me!!

The men are too busy bearing the whole financial burden for the family.

Maybe you could set up a support group for the poor lambs. They don't even realise they are being victimised - they clearly need their consciousness raised! Most of them are even labouring under the impression that they freely chose their own lifestyle

My children are 11 & 16 and no longer need childcare. I am genuinely bemused that a 16 year old on study leave needs 'looking after'. My DD1 earns money looking after other people's children (babysitting) - she can certainly look after herself & her wee sis when she gets home from school.

Teenagers need space and independence - my older girl is going to be on her own overnight shortly, in charge of the pets, and she cannot wait. She will be leaving home in a year or so, it is important she learns independence and responsibility now as preparation for flying the nest.

If I wasn't working, it wouldn't be because I had children to look after.

"I'm a bit puzzled at the point that a (nt?) 14 and 16 yo need a parent at home" because my kids still need support. Because they love coming home to a welcoming homes filled with the smells of fresh cooking.

Because they love to sit down with me and unload their day, they love a cuddle and a kiss when they come though the door. They appreciate someone there to pass the sick bucket or make lemsip when they are ill.

Do these things have no value?

The men are too busy bearing the whole financial burden for the family.

Loving the need for women to justify their life choices and apparently their existence in a section devoted to feminism.

Agree stealth bf is not a reason to sah, I bf my ds1 til 18m having returned to work ft at 11m. With ds2 I aim to bf til 2 but will be returning to ft work at 10m. (my dh will work pt).

I'm a bit puzzled at the point that a (nt?) 14 and 16 yo need a parent at home. I remember being 16 and on study leave home alone thinking it was the bees knees having the house to myself and having to make my own lunch etc, it seemed terribly sophisticated and was probably an important step towards becoming independent.

This thread has really saddened me actually. Where are all the men wringing their hands over these decisions?

It wasn't your right to a viewpoint I was querying "Happy", it was your NN. I'm morbidly curious about how on earth you chose it.

Fide, i'm very happy thankyou. You can have a different viewpoint on MN you know, i checked the rules.

thefallenmadonna, I guess my situation was slightly unique then, in so far as we worked in the same field, and my view was that if I could be flexible, so could he. Or failing that, support me financially so that I could make our family situation work.

But moving away from the personal, of course a woman's career is as important as a man's, the only point I was making is that child-rearing is also a joint responsibility, and that is also a condition of equality and I don't think we disagree on that.

'if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?'

Basically this OP is saying that SAHMs don't need to be educated.

Why would you put such a sexist statement in the feminist section if you did not want a bunfight?

When are you finally going to start sounding happy, Happy?

You always sound as if you've been sucking lemons.

"There are many sp on benefit, do you not agree with this?
Some don't have a choice and don't need to be vilified for this.
For the record, no I wouldn't have to go on benefits if dh left me. I have my own money. Everything is in my name and we owe nothing, neither of us.
My standard of living wouldn't change because there would be no reason for it to"

Mmm given that your husband takes a low enough salary from his SE business for you to qualify for tax credits then of course you would be on benefits if he left or died. You would also be without his salary. On what planet would things not change

I do disagree with any parent on benefits choosing to not work and support the children they chose to have. Everyone knows the future is ny set in stone and no relationship is guaranteed. Spouting they cant afford childcare is just an excuse and should have been thought of before.

I know Nocomet- teenagers are not so independant as some may think. I am in the country too, so kids are dependant on me for lifts.
At 14 and 16 they still need me, it wouldn't be fair to leave them all day.

The school bus is often too sharp and leaves some kids behind at school,so lifts are often required, after school activites and study clubs wich require a lift home at 4.45.

I have my DS off on study leave atm, DD has a day off school on Friday for a ballet exam, not to mention the times they are ill. It would be miserable for them fending for themselves at home ill, while I am out at work all day.

I see myself working again once my DC are older. I'm staying at home while they're little because someone needs to look after them and my DH and I feel that job is best done by me.

I won't go back into finance - they wouldn't have me back after such a big gap - but I see myself getting into volunteer work initially and then using that as a stepping stone back into paid work. I don't know what I'll do - I'll see what appeals. Often its a single job or opportunity that feels right, rather than a whole industry. I'm hoping that something will come along if I put myself out there.

When they have a driving licence and a car!

The massive draw back of living here is without an adult to drive them places the DDs are effectively grounded.

It's ok to leave them the odd day, but weeks at a time in the holidays isn't fair.

Helpfully both seem to only have DFs who live near each other in distant villages, so it's always us who goes to them.

"we are talking about children that no longer need childcare."- what age would that be?

And yes, summerflower. MN is full of women whose partners have inflexible working patterns that are impossible to change, and the women make the accommodation to fit their careers around their families. Or can't.

My career is as important as DH's, and therefore we both make adjustments and compromises to support each other.

I think this thread has lost it starting point, which was about mothers of older children, which to me meant teenagers to leaving home.

No one could argue that little ones need lots of looking after & someone has to do it. But what about when they are older? How many of the current SAHM posters would expect/want to be a SAHM/housewife when the children are up? And why?

I think that is quite an interesting question and nothing to do with the 'children in day orphanages' nonsense as we are talking about children that no longer need childcare.