Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

Summer I think these days with the recession many men would prefer their partners to be working.It's tough for everybody and no family makes the choice of one parent giving up work lightly.

Dh is being a sahd for a bit soon I dont want to do it in any way. I dont want all the annoying bits he can take them He doesnt mind though as he isnt ambitious or studious and doesnt care about careers so it suits him. It wouldnt be for me though and I wouldnt want either gender of our children to do it long term.

Having a SAHP is beneficial for your family Retro
having 2 SAHP/WOHP was beneficial for mine .
No one can tell others what, in their particular circumstance, is beneficial for their children.

Is that so Handcream.

Not necessarily so.

Many families these days need 2x workers.I think having a sahp takes planning.

Many couples earn similar amounts in the early days- we did in the early days.Dp has built his earning power up during the years I've had off,each year has got better.It was tough to begin with but we were on very similar when I stopped working.

I don't think men feel trapped as the breadwinner either, generally. I think, at a population level, modern man has sussed quite nicely how to push the pram at weekend and be fun daddy, whilst leaving their wife to juggle the actual work of parenting.

Why would care outside the home be sub-standard?

Because nobody can look after my children and meet their needs as well as I can. I didn't say that was the case for everyone. For some children they might receive much better care outside of their home. If you retread my post you will see that I referred to my children and their care.

I suspect there are a lot of men bullied into working to fund their partners choice

I think in a healthy relationship it is usually a joint decision and nobody is bullied into anything.
It's funny to imagine all these weak willed men being so horribly bullied.

I think that Retropear is making up statements to back up her argument that we all secretly want to be SAHM's. Only mothers can give the children the care they need and consequently their children will turn out better.

Thing is, historically, if you want to talk about instinct, most work was agricultural, both men and women would have been involved and babies and children taken along, helping when they got old enough.

Weaving, piecework etc was also done in the home.

Trade, or shops, you would find women helping out.

The gendered split came with the industrial revolution and even then, mostly because the law gradually excluded women on safety grounds. Men were paid a family wage.

So, it is not a case of biological evolution. The more recent arguments are post-war to do with Bowlby and attachment theory. Post war, women also went back into domesticity when men were demobilised. Again, not because of instinct.

More recently, the debate on attachment suggests that babies can form multiple secure attachments as against the idea that they form one with their primary carer.

I have nothing against SAHing, it is valid and childcare should be valued. But posts about evolution or instinct are nonsense because they suggest, wittingly or unwittingly, that working mothers lack instinct and are somehow not women.

I would nonetheless say that we have a male-oriented working culture and I have issues with buying into that.

FWIW, I did EBF, I am still extended feeding, it has sod all to do with my working status.

It's not black and white. You and your DH are a team and you decide on the best way for your household to run and to bring your kids up jointly. It doesn't matter who works or stays at home as long as dinner is on the table and the kids are happy and secure.

So if it's because men are always the main income earners it is back to being a feminist issue

Think they can't afford it- end of.

So think because many think their children having a sahp is beneficial this stops you from making your life choices.

Baloney

It didn't stop my friends with successful careers.

the feeling that the more motherhood is lauded and the caring role of women celebrated the less scope there is for me to have an education and a career and a life as a mother outside the home.

Wanting to have an education, career and a life as a mother outside the home, should not denigrate motherhood and caring role of the mother though. They are / can be separate things. At different times one can take priority over the other though.

But Retropear do you really know they would 'trade in a heartbeat'? And if so why don't they? There is the legislative framework etc all in place for men to do the parenting, share mat leave etc yet last time I looked the number of men taking this up is in the low tens!

Men would love to spend more time with their kids but I don't think they want to become SAHP. I'm not sure if this is because it is seen as boring, demeaning or just a bit embarrassing or if it is because of the greater earning power of men that they feel trapped as the breadwinner.

But that comes full circle as it is not about a woman's choice to stay at home or work but a social and economic structure that makes it hard for men to do it. A gender issue not a parenting choice.

Really Happy so now we're bullying harpies.

Come,come ladies don't stop there.

Same old posters with their same old chips on the same old type of threads.

many dads want what is best for their dc too so are only too happy to fund a sahp.

I worked hard for 23 years before having my DC. I had a good career and I put myself through university working every available opportunity to afford it. As an older mother and in agreement with DH, I was more than ready to give up work and focus on the children. My kids know about my previous career and the importance of education. However they also appreciate the fact that I am there for them all the time - sports days, school presentations, helping out on school trips etc. and I am loving it!

My care is better than others because no-one does it with as much love.

Especially those paid to care. My toddlers with given affection and love all though the day, a kiss on the head being strapped into a car seat, being told how much they are loved as they drift off to sleep on my lap with a story. Days with my LOs were punctuated by loving affirmation. Something I wanted my children to be immersed in as they grew.

I'm not sure where the construct comes from but it feels very topsy turvy. The 1950's 'valued' the role of women at home bringing up children. I value choice and can't escape the feeling that the more motherhood is lauded and the caring role of women celebrated the less scope there is for me to have an education and a career and a life as a mother outside the home.

I doubt there are many being bullied into being a SAHM, i suspect there are a lot of men bullied into working to fund their partners choice. MN seems to only have spouses of SAHMs who love their job and wouldnt quit for all the tea in china

handcream

I believe that care outside my home would be sub standard to because I like to do things my way and believe a parent (or these parents) in our case are the best to care for their children.
Some people don't want to be a sahp that's fine but others really embrace it and treat it as their vocation.

My experience is identical to deepinthewoods.
If for some reason I had to woh then of course I would, but like I said before I'd move heaven and earth to not have to.

I hope no one is bullied into being an SAHM; there are cultural norms around which gender parent it is, though, as there are around various professions.

Deep, many people look after my kids better than me, including their dad - lots of people are more patient and inventive than me.

I'm kickass at maths homework though

Well sorry I ain't being buying the poor downtrodden woman bullied into being a Sahp either.Every sahm I know wanted to very one- a lot.I also know a lot of wm who desperately want more time with their dc and would trade in a heartbeat.

How do periods bond you to your DC ?
I didn't have any for ages it was great as was EBF - so am it a bit