Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

"We are known by our actions and example not our words. People's decisions to stay home are political with huge ramifications. It matters more than just how it affects that person and that family."

Yes I agree- it is a political move to prioritise the important role of raising my children over this god of economic growth.

I agree Jane. Actions are important and they do have ramifications beyond our own circle.

I just happen to think that choosing to stay at home when I was highly educated and highly paid previously makes a strong statement about the value of children and the role of caring in our society.

Jane

I appreciate what you are saying, but if we made our decisions for the good of everybody else, they may not be for the good of our own families.
My families happiness is more important to me than other peoples families.
Isn't this true for us all.
Why don't wohms support sahms by leaving work to show gov its a valid decision? Probably because it wouldn't be best for their families.

Jane , surely you are not implying we should choose to work in paid employment, regardless of whether it is beneficial to our families or finances, regardless of whether we need or want to?

My DC certainly would have been worse off if I could not have supported them through their SEN and the Statementing process. I'm not sure I could have held down a job during this, it involved part time schooling for some of the time and lots of appointments. I wasn't about to abandon my child and my DH's salary, which has always been much more than mine, paid our way.

We would cost the state more if my DC had not progressed...

Many SAHPs are in similar situations.

We are known by our actions and example not our words. People's decisions to stay home are political with huge ramifications. It matters more than just how it affects that person and that family.

gasp

All sorts of people make typos all the time. Well educated or not.

I see this as a free flowing, casual chat. Not a formal paper, where I stop and proof read.

Ironic, but I happen to have a PgCE. As Fideline states though H.ed is not "school at home"

Herc, you really are grasping at straws. What on earth has my education or lack of have to do with being a sahm and justifying this to my dd, like the OP asked?

You home ed. You should know the difference between aught and ought.

Because teachers never commit typos or malapropisms do they herc?

Not that Home Ed is usually 'school at home'.

Herc.

Why? and as a matter of fact I do, it was a mistake.
Do you know anything about H.ed?

You home ed. You should know the difference between aught and ought.

Herc.

I'm dyslexic, and although I try my best, sometimes a mistake comes through. Any skill I have in reading, writing or arithmetic is down to sheer determination. I can't even boast a good education.
I bet you're glad you corrected me now.
I don't mind, it's how a person improves.

Resorting to typo-correction to score points Herc?

Yes that will make you look more reasonable and less condescending; good move

Ought.

"will no longer have my life choices examined and judged."

Yes, no one judges WOHMs. Not at all.

Retro

Ah, your a relative newbie to sahmdom.
I wonder if I have the Mnet record for longest sahm, maybe there's a worse lazy ass than me, draining society and stopping other mothers from realising their ambition, bullying our husbands into submission
We aught to be ashamed
If it wasn't so it would be laughable.

Capsicum I think all this thread shows is that women are as different from each other as they are from men

^ so instinct can be individual and cultural. This is why I said 'almost instinctive'.

10, 10 and 9 if it's important.

And I would just add my mum stopped being a sahm and went back to work when we went off to uni working for 25 years full time until 70.

I see no reason why I shouldn't get to do the same.As it is I'd like to do some serious travelling with the dc before they leave home so currently looking for part time work that fits in.

Then'll I'll cross over and get the working mum crown too,will no longer have my life choices examined and judged.Woo hoo!

I actually think that being able to afford as a family to have a sahp (although only part -time now) long term is quite a good example for our children.

They know that we both worked hard at school/college, got good careers, travelled a lot, bought a great house and then had children when we were ready. They know that as we worked hard, we have always had choices in life. We have chosen the way our life is now, as it works best for our family.
What I think is important is not to pass your negative feelings about sahp / working parents onto your children. I try and teach my children that everyone's choices are valid.

When talking about biology we are neither completely 'hard wired' or motivated entirely according to cultural norms. There is meta stability, even at a genetic level (Epigenetics).

Patterns in thinking can affect gene expression and lead to pre dispositions towards certain behaviours which can be inherited, although environmental changes can again affect subsequent gene expression.

Retro pear I am guessing that your children aren't young if you have been with your partner for 23 yrs

I agree I do have some friends who bemoan this but plenty that don't.

Surely that is down to personality and can't blamed on anybody else.

When I return to work the amount I'll do will be adjusted accordingly.I'll always do more as I'll work less hours but I'll do less.Dp knows that but he is a reasonable nice guy- which is why we've been together 23 years.My sister's husband is the same,he works less hours than dsis but does more cooking,his share of the childcare and school run etc.

Funny we both had our sahm and a forces childhood but still managed to get degrees,careers and to make our family life work for us.My mum did good.

Im not sure why you are saying "not nice" to me ???

Im not on any "side"
I think parents should do what suits them and their circumstances .

retro, I meant generally not just men who have SAH partners. There is enough research which shows that even women who earn more and work more, do more housework and childcare.

No Mrs exactly but apparently going by the thread title and subsequent posts many do think they can tell people what is beneficial for their family.

Not nice is it.